Re: Child Support Woes
01-15-2012 12:55 AM
My suggestions would be
* file the grievance with CS
* file a complaint with the BBB - CS has an obligation to provide proof that they have the right to collect.
* go to court and change the court order. No one has provided proof of actively attending school. And you want a limit on how long this game of going to school can be played/paid. Suggest a limit of 8 semesters total?
Yes, I will do the grievance. Not sure what I would BBB about though. The same as the grievance? The law in OR says that she can get "child" support until age 21, there is no negotiating how many semesters, etc. It USED to be when this first started, that the "child" couldn't turn it off and on - they went or they didn't. Things changed, though. Even if it does go into suspension. if she sends in the proof, they restart it. So we're basically screwed until next December.
Regarding her moving in, that is never going to happen. EVER. My husband made that very clear to her when she first started this that he doesn't approve of it, she should have talked to him first, he would have helped her w/ college w/o the state being involved, and if she proceeded to continue it would be a cold day in hell before he would dole out any help to her again. It is our opinion that she chose money over family, and for only 300 bucks!
Maybe I shoulda put this post in the "relationships and money" section. This is certainly a topic for that section!
Are you doubting that your step-daughter is in college? Given that this is "child support" and not the voluntary "parental merit scholarship", why are you attempting to see her grades, and obtain information from her school? Don't get me wrong, I understand that she should still be in college to be eligible for *child support*, but what's led you to believe that she ISN'T? And, presuming that she is still in school, isn't it just as possible that she runs into the same "run-around" that you get when you deal with the child support people? And, if/when she provides the proof to the CS verification people... then what?
Here's what troubles me... On the one hand, it's yours and your DH's opinion that she chose money over family. On the other hand, isn't that what you're doing to by saying that her pursuit of child support (which she must have been deemed entitled to, and you even mentioned that DH owed back child support) would preclude you from ever "helping" her again? Does the money, doled out now, mean more than a natural parent/child relationship?
A 20 year old is, without a doubt, legally an adult. But, you'd be hard-pressed to find one who is (especially in this day and age, and especially if they're enrolled in the exceedingly expensive post-secondary educational rat race) completely, financially independent. I don't hold anyone else to my standards of when a child is expected to be out of the proverbial nest, and off the literal payroll (in very general terms, I consider that time to be sometime after 21 years of age, and very probably upwards 24 with the rising cost of a college education, and specialization). My point (I really do have one, LOL) is that, the issue of child support, whether it stays in your pocket, is freely given, or forcibly extracted should never, ever... EVER come between a parent and their child (minors or young adults). Speaking from a maternal POV, I'd find it very disturbing if my DH held a grudge against our child(ren) over financially supporting them when it is still common, reasonable, and acceptable for a parent to support their child. I just hope, for all of your sakes, that this doesn't taint what your DH & his daughter should have together. That'd be a loss that you'd be hard-pressed to quantify-- a tragedy really, that can't be measured in dollars & cents.
Friendly, Supportive & Respectful
"However gradual may be the growth of confidence, that of credit requires still more time to arrive at maturity” ~ Benjamin Disraeli