Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011
Re: Child Support Woes
[ Edited ]

I would be more than happy to keep her on my ins til she is 26 and I know she will need it.  She doesn't want it.

 

it will end.   There will be no more drama or money forced out.   Don't forget, we have NO CONTACT with her, haven't for 4+ years.  her mother stole her away in the middle of the night when she was 7 to move her away.  We tried to continue visitation, but the mom made it impossible.  Even bought plane tickets that went unused.  She lives across the country.  I know this makes people upset, but it is what it is.  If she WAS in our lives, a member of the family, this would be a completely different situation.  But the reality is, she pretty much disowned DH out of the brainwashing of her mother.  It hurts my husband terribly, and seriously peeves us both that the only thing she wants is money.

 

The mother is SUCH a bad mother, that her 16 year old son is sitting in jail, facing charges as an adult, and will likely be in prison for the rest of his life.  I would love to go into details but can't because of the confidentiality.  She didn't teach these kids one thing about right/wrong, ethics, morals, anything.  She was too drunk and high.  Mom was in jail, her father was in jail  (the grandfather that raised these kids once they were moved from their fathers), now her son is going to prison.  They are the worst of the worst kind of people. (Violent- drug/alcohol addict (All the pics on daughter's facebook are of her partying), criminals.   I guess we are lucky the only crime the daughter has committed thus far is extortion, as in my mind, that is what this is.  (No father's day cards, no birthday cards, no phone calls, no visits, NOTHING.  No contact!)  The only reason I know about the brother going to prison is via facebook. 

 

 Great job raising those kids!! You should be very proud!

 

ETA:  Thank you so much for the support.  It helps me so much to get this out.

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Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,492
Registered: ‎07-25-2008
Re: Child Support Woes

Boo,

 

Reads a lot like my sister's step-kids.


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aussiesareforever
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎10-04-2010
Re: Child Support Woes

Booner,

 

This thread is breaking my heart. She is obviously just taking advantage of you all. I know it is aggravating but I would try really hard not to let it bother you too much. I think you should feel very sorry for her. In eight months, she will no longer have that money and she's essentially blown (??) her chances of getting help from you guys in the future. Be thankful that you at least have the means of paying $300 a month and you have the love and support of your family. Those are big blessings, blessings that should not be underestimated.

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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011
Re: Child Support Woes
[ Edited ]

More good news today, my friends.

 

Found out that DOJ ordered a medical support order for DH.  That means, he gets to pay an extra 200 a month on top of his support for her health insurance.  Mind you, she is too stupid (as I said previously) to even use the insurance.  Also, I could put her on mine FOR FREE!  Also he only had ins. ONE MONTH out of 2011 due to lack of hours.  He has to pay 8.00 an hour when he works prevailing wage all year for his ins.  When he doesn't have enough hrs, that money goes into his 401K.  (That thing builds fast).  That 401K got us our house.

 

Since DOJ failed to order the medical support the FIRST TIME AROUND, I canceled her on my policy bc there wasn't an order and I couldn't keep her on.

 

I have been trying to contact the caseworker since APRIL 28th by email and phone.  Had she gotten back to me, I could have gotten this "child" on my ins at no cost by May 1.   Now she has to wait til June to be on mine, meaning, DH is out the $200 for May.

 

AND, it is POSSIBLE, that they won't even allow us to change from his to mine.  If that happens, I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT and go to the mental hospital.

 

I know that I should be counting my blessings but I am too consumed with hate and anger.  I talked to the chaplain who works at my job, he said that the only thing I can do is forgive her to get the hate out.   He also said that we think that by hating we will poisen the hated, but we really only poisen ourselves and those around us.

 

Good advice is easy to give but definitely nearly impossible to apply.  Could you forgive this "child"???????  Does anyone have any easier ways to get the hate out than having to forgive?  (And yes I know forgiving doesn't mean I have to tell her I forgive her, but I do have to mean it in my heart). 

 

Already have my second grievance ready to go if they don't let us switch insurance to mine.  They will be in HUGE trouble because of their failure to put in the medical order prior to now.  It's a federal and state law.

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Established Contributor
CreditCrusader
Posts: 799
Registered: ‎09-27-2011
Re: Child Support Woes
[ Edited ]

FrugalRican wrote:

Update, so far?

I'm intrigued.

 

And Booner, a lot of men don't fight the system because its set up as to where the "guardian" and child have most of the advantages.

And maybe, in a weird way, your DH might think that sending money to her might be the only connection he still has with her. I've seen it happen before, many, many times.

 

You said he's not even getting Father's Day cards so right now, the only thing he has is sending that money, even if she's wasting it away.


And people wonder why some men aren't stepping up and being dads anymore. The only way some can even contact their kids is to send them money. How do you expect someone to "be a man" when you take such drastic steps to minimize the importance of his role in a child's life?

 

What this "mom" and her brat are doing to this dad is a disgrace. Are we striking a blow for women's empowerment here? What is the reasoning for deliberately depriving a child of her father's love and guidance?

 

To the women who use their kids and/or enable them to do this to their dads, go ahead and pat yourself on the back right now. Your kid will be yet another spoiled menace to society looking for a handout, addicted to drugs, or pregnant with her 3rd child from a 3rd baby-daddy when your ex no longer has to support this so-called "adult".

 

I weep for what the American society has become. It used to be about family...community...lasting relationships. Now it's about sapping as much money out of someone else as possible. Very sad indeed.

 

OP, hang in there and keep fighting. I dismiss the arguments that say "Well, at least you have SOME contact...keep paying".

 

BULL...that isn't "contact"...it's a spoiled brat and her enabler fleecing someone they could care less about. The child will one day regret this. At THAT point, it will be useful to establish a relationship. It is not necessary to allow yourself to be drained into financial oblivion in the meantime.

I'm Spartacus!

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FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012
Re: Child Support Woes

This is a really sad thread to read.

I keep coming back hoping for good news.

 

Booner, is there an end date to this? I thought I read November-ish?

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Senior Contributor
Booner72
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011
Re: Child Support Woes

Anytime between 11/12 and 12/12 the support will end FOR GOOD--- She is 21 on 12/12, but DOJ can begin the case closure anytime "up to 30 days prior to the 21st birthday"  (Do you know on their website is sayd that they sometimes dismiss arrears "To encourage the relationship with the child."    Well, they sure aren't doing anything for this relationship except make it worse.  What a joke!

 

I am able to switch her to my ins, but DH still out for May, due to their ineptness.  (Word?)

 

I have read that you should only file a grievance if it is a very serious issue - which I have one pending - I think I should add another one about this insurance b.s., too - but I don't want that to retract from our initial grievance about the stopping/starting.  If we go to court we have to PAY to go to court, which sucks.  I'm hoping that my appeal will call them to order the court date on their end.

 

Last night as we commiserated, I said, well, at least you don't have to pay for a wedding.  And the day the phone call comes that she needs bailed out of jail, or is abandoned in some other state w/ a broken down car, or other emergency, she isn't getting help from us.  DH finally texted her and told her that if she wants a dad or a brother in her life, she will stop this b.s. now.

 

However, I think we have more of a chance fighting DOJ than convincing her to stop.  (She didn't even reply to the text).  She's too busy reading all the news stories about how her brother is officially being charged as an adult for crimes so serious he would face the death sentence (but bc he committed the crimes at 16, he can't get that, only life in prison).  TRASH.  SAD, SICK, Depressing.....

 

Sorry for all the bad news, but as I said, this forum helps me get some of this out, and getting feedback is great, too.  Thanks for the support.  When the thread started, i was getting "hate" replies- now it seems that people are really "getting" how much b.s. this is, and how helpless we are to that "child" and the system.

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FrugalRican
Posts: 2,876
Registered: ‎02-02-2012
Re: Child Support Woes

She will reap what she has been sowing.

 

Worst part is, if this is what she's known her whole life, nothing will change. She will just find someone else on her 21st birthday to leech off of.

At least your headache has a deadline. Sorry that you have endured so much.

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Established Contributor
aussiesareforever
Posts: 740
Registered: ‎10-04-2010
Re: Child Support Woes

I would look at it from this perspective. What is the worst imaginable thing happened? Just playing a game of what ifs. What if for some crazy reason she dies tomorrow. How would your husband feel? Would he still feel the same way about the $300? Would it be a non-issue at that point? Or would he still feel justified?

That is the way I approach most things. Just to help me realize how trivial many things in life are. I know it is very annoying but all in all, she is still blood and sometimes we just do stupid things for blood. 

 

My two cents.

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Valued Contributor
Scamp
Posts: 2,791
Registered: ‎03-18-2007
Re: Child Support Woes

Booner72 wrote:

Anytime between 11/12 and 12/12 the support will end FOR GOOD--- She is 21 on 12/12, but DOJ can begin the case closure anytime "up to 30 days prior to the 21st birthday"  (Do you know on their website is sayd that they sometimes dismiss arrears "To encourage the relationship with the child."    Well, they sure aren't doing anything for this relationship except make it worse.  What a joke!

 

I am able to switch her to my ins, but DH still out for May, due to their ineptness.  (Word?)

 

I have read that you should only file a grievance if it is a very serious issue - which I have one pending - I think I should add another one about this insurance b.s., too - but I don't want that to retract from our initial grievance about the stopping/starting.  If we go to court we have to PAY to go to court, which sucks.  I'm hoping that my appeal will call them to order the court date on their end.

 

Last night as we commiserated, I said, well, at least you don't have to pay for a wedding.  And the day the phone call comes that she needs bailed out of jail, or is abandoned in some other state w/ a broken down car, or other emergency, she isn't getting help from us.  DH finally texted her and told her that if she wants a dad or a brother in her life, she will stop this b.s. now.

 

However, I think we have more of a chance fighting DOJ than convincing her to stop.  (She didn't even reply to the text).  She's too busy reading all the news stories about how her brother is officially being charged as an adult for crimes so serious he would face the death sentence (but bc he committed the crimes at 16, he can't get that, only life in prison).  TRASH.  SAD, SICK, Depressing.....

 

Sorry for all the bad news, but as I said, this forum helps me get some of this out, and getting feedback is great, too.  Thanks for the support.  When the thread started, i was getting "hate" replies- now it seems that people are really "getting" how much b.s. this is, and how helpless we are to that "child" and the system.


The word you were looking for there is "ineptitude" - one of my favorites. :smileywink:

 

A tough spot and a tough story, Booner.  Hope you both hang in there together 'til you get to the other side of it all, whatever the other side may be. 

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