Re: Child Support Woes
05-07-2012 02:10 PM
I'm sorry you're catching as much grief on here about this subject. I can't help but relate to you. I too am a step-parent, but my step-son is only 17. Not to hijack your thread, but reading all the criticism you've endured, I feel compelled to speak my story a bit (of course it's far too long to go into details). I'm sure people will think of me as a "jealous" woman, but that's not the case at all.
I've been in my step-son's life for 9 years. During that time, we have watched his mother completely deteriorate her relationship with her son. She drinks and drives with him in the car (yes, he's reported it to us but since it's considered hearsay, we aren't allowed to bring this up in court), she's constantly putting her wants in front of his needs ($150 on a hair cut and dye job with the child support yet my step-son has to go to school in ripped jeans, or go without a $15 haircut), etc. Her latest attempt in degrading him involved him saying he wanted to spend some more time at his dad's house which prompted her to say "I don't know why you want to spend time with him, it's not like his name is on your birth certificate".
Sure - I've considered the fact that my SS could possibly be trying to play both sides of the fence...in other words - keep the feud between both households, but after witnessing him break down emotionally, I don't believe that's the case at all. I try my hardest to listen objectively to his experiences, but it's beyond difficult to not say how inappropriate she is acting. I find that she "punishes" him for the fact that she can't get along with my husband. That's not his fault at all....but it's all she has left to control.
As another poster said to you Booner - I KNOW I am bitter and I KNOW I shouldn't be. I'm bitter because this woman left a bad taste in my husbands mouth with regards to having children (yes, the old cliche of telling a man you're on birth control just to get pregnant...they weren't married at the time. How do I know she did this? Because when I used to speak to her - she told me to do the same thing!). I'm almost 32 years old and I've been married to the love of my life for 7 years and I've finally come to grips that I will never have a child with him...but there is a part of me that resents her.
So in conclusion, let the negativity from others roll off your back Boon. It's not worth getting upset about. There's clearly more to the story that people don't know, just like mine, so it's wrong to pass judgment. Being a step-parent is the least rewarding job in the world. You're expected to treat and raise a child as your own...but when you do, it's thrown in your face that you're NOT the parent.
- Thanks for your story and the support. I'm not upset about the criticisim, just being outright called a liar by one person.
I know this post pushes buttons for ANYBODY on any side of the child support fence, and I'd guess that is a LOT - and definitely those that flock to a post about child support "woes" -- probably very close to all of us.
Though I haven't gotten any PM's from mods, I know some of you have. It just means it's a hot topic.
UPDATE: The grievance HAS been accepted and we will hear what they will do, if anything, in the next month. And I was able to get her on my insurance and off DH's without having to pay for May.
And to clarify: It is the Dept of Justice that mandates a healthcare order for ALL child support orders, at least here in this state.
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720