Re: Child Support Woes updated
08-14-2012 07:41 PM
I can honestly say i feel your pain on this. i think what your "step-daughter" (if you can even call her that) is doing is really manipulative and just down right dirty. im actually speaking to you from the "other" side of the fence, yet i still agree with you. im a young adult myself (23) and my parents Divorced when i was only 6. my "father" was supposed to pay child support from then till the time i was atleast 18. guess what? i never saw a dime. my "father" was one of the deadbeats that didnt give a rats ass about me. i remember when i was younger, maybe a couple years after the divorce, my father wanted 50/50 visitation rights so he didnt have to pay child support. THIS was the only reason he wanted to see me, and had absolutely no interest in having a real father-son relationship. he made that very obvious by the way he treated me when i was at his house.
All i did when i was over there was pretty much be his personal servant. i remember him always asking me to go fix him something to eat or to grab a coke or to do his laundry, feed the dogs, clean the kitchen, clean ALL the bedrooms etc etc. i was NOT a normal chore list, everytime i finished something he found something else for me to do so that i stayed out of his sight. he evetually found a woman crazy enough to marry his sorry A$$ and they had a son. once my half brother was born my father made it very clear that he Was the only Legitimate Son my father had. he treated him like royalty comapred to me. i was always made to clean up after my brother and any toys that were bought were striclty off limits to me. the only thing i got to do was Clean them up. once my half brother was about 2 or 3 my father started taking him EVERYWHERE with him. every where my father went my brother went. my father wanted him to be apart of everything he did. i was always left behind, wondering what i could have possibly done to deserve this. i think it was like 3 or 4 years after my half-brother was born that my father and his wife built themselves a brand new 4 bedroom house. now there was plenty of space for me to have my own room, but do you think i got one. nope. 1 room went to my father and his wife, 1 room for my step-sister(fathers wife had from previous marriage) 1room for my half-brother. so that leaves 1 room left. do you know what my father did instead of letting me have a room of my own? he made the 4th beedroom the "play room" for my beloved half brother. this room was actually big enough to e a play room and still have a beed in it and i would have been happy with just that but my father refused to do it. i was left sleeping on a "egg crate type cushion" on the floor.
one of the other big things i can remember is when i was about 12 or 13 years old all i had wanted for christmas that year was a 4wheeler. it didnt matter if it was new or used or whatever i just wanted one so badly i had thouhgt about it all year. i had begged and begged both my parents for one. my mom couldnt afford it on her own and agreed that if my father would help just a little then it would have been possible. he laughed when my mom called and asked for his help (keep in mind this man had never payed a dime of CS) and he told her that i didnt need something like that and it could wait till i could afford to buy my self one. now this does not sound all that bad on its own, but what happened next made it all the worse. the following year guess what my father goes and does, he bought my half brother the 4wheeler i wanted. it was smaller of coarse but still around the same price that he could have gotten me one considering the one he bought was BRAND NEW and i was only asking for a used, older one. i was never alloweed to ride, touch, or have anythng to do with it. after this,
i spent so much time wondering why my father didnt love me and what had i possibly done to deserve the way he treated me. was i not worthy of his love like my half brother. i wondered why he never wanted to have real relationship with me and what about me made him despise me so much? i thought about it so much, yet i could never come up with an answer. the year i turned 14 i finally broke down and told my mom about how my dad had been treating me over the years. she never knew bc i never told her. i never told her bc when i was younger my father told me that if i ever told my mom about anything that went on in his household that he would "make sure my mom couldnt take care of me" therefore he would call DHR to come get me and i would lose all my family. this used to terrify me until i was old enough to realize that really wouldnt happen. once my mom found out she was LIVID, i think she even called and threatened to kill him lol. She went back to court and sued for full custody. i told my father that if he objected at all i would testify to all the things he put me through. so my mom was awarded full custody and i never had to go back to my piece of crap dad. he was ordered to pay child support until i was 18, but we never saw a dime. we never did anything about him not paying bc i was just happy to be away from him and was just happy i never had to see him again. i havent spoke to my father since i was 14 and hes never tried to contact me. never once sent a birthday card or anything at christmas. up till this day he has never tried contacting me at all. As far as child support im glad i never took his money, we were able to make it without him. i hold so much hate and resentment towards him. i dont know if i will ever be able to let it go. i can tell you this though, i missed having a father growing up, to be there for me at scool events and sports and the things in life that a son would need his father for. even thought i hate him with a passion i would have loved to have a father growing up and a father to call for advice now when i need it. but i dont and i dont think that will ever change. your step daugher does not realize what she is doing to you and her father and at some point in her life she will regret not having her father in her life. its awesome that your DH still has offered to have a relationship wih her despite her treating him like dirt and using you guys for money. a relationship with her father is MUCH more important that anything that $300 could buy here. i just wanted to let you know, as someone on the other side of the situation, i still agree with you and what your doing. she would rather have money than a relationship with you and her father, then something is seriously wrong with her. i would have done anything to be able to have one with mine. money isn't everything and maybe one day she will realize that. sorry for the long post, i just wanted to share with you my experience and how i can relate to how you feel about a "close" family member choosing money over a relationship. good luck and hopefully this will all be over for you really soon
Hi, gettnthere. I'm so glad that you shared your story with me and it makes me want to cry, even though I know that isn't what you were getting at. It's simply a sad story. I'm trying not to but I can't help but try to give you some words of encouragement. You are still very young and I'm nearly twice your age, so I might know a thing or two about how parents can screw up their children. I think to one degree or another, we all have our "father" issues, but yours are definitely some of the worse I have heard. Being ignored like that had to have just killed you. I am sorry for what you went through and I just hope that you can learn to forgive your dad in your own heart so that you don't carry that hate and anger around. (*I know, I'm one to talk about forgiveness, right?)....but I sincerely hope that for you. I'm so glad that you have your mom and that she stood up to that jerk for you. I know for a fact that "you" didn't do anything to your dad to make him treat you like he did. It was his own "stuff."
Thanks again for your support and encouragement and words. You hang in there, and good luck with your credit goals! You'll be buyin the 4-wheeler of your wildest dreams at a really great rate here real soon!
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