topic Re: Help Moving forward in Relationships and Money

Help Moving forward

Anonymous — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 22:10:24 GMT

My ex and I purchased properties a few years back. We were not married however had a relationship of over 18 years. The mortgages are under both our names. I moved out over 2 year ago. The responsibility of having a household of his relatives free-loading was too much for me to handle and I left. with our children. The home continued to be occupied by my husband and family members and eventually become a rental property.

I am trying to move forward, unfortunately the credit for those homes reflect on me as well looked into buying a home. No negative effects just excess amounts of borrowing. I rethought the situation and considered moving into one of the properties that has my name on the mortgage. Since my ex had been paying the mortgage he has dictated the rules on these properties -he pays the mortgage and claims the property taxes each year. So when I asked to move in , take over the mortgage and relinquish him of his financial responsibility I was turned down.

What can I do?

Re: Help Moving forward

haulingthescoreup — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 23:37:41 GMT

Did you draw up any kind of agreement in writing, specifying what would happen to the house (and the mortgage) once you moved out?

Re: Help Moving forward

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 03:41:07 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
My ex and I purchased properties a few years back. We were not married however had a relationship of over 18 years. The mortgages are under both our names. I moved out over 2 year ago. The responsibility of having a household of his relatives free-loading was too much for me to handle and I left. with our children. The home continued to be occupied by my husband and family members and eventually become a rental property.

I am trying to move forward, unfortunately the credit for those homes reflect on me as well looked into buying a home. No negative effects just excess amounts of borrowing. I rethought the situation and considered moving into one of the properties that has my name on the mortgage. Since my ex had been paying the mortgage he has dictated the rules on these properties -he pays the mortgage and claims the property taxes each year. So when I asked to move in , take over the mortgage and relinquish him of his financial responsibility I was turned down.

What can I do?

Unfortunately, possession is 9/10 of the law.

Barring a valid common-law marriage, you're probably going to have to file a civil action to solve your problem. Although technically the property is yours (or yours & his), law enforcement is extremely reluctant to get involved in domestic issues.

I would consider getting a local attorney who can point out what options are available in your state.

Re: Help Moving forward

GregB — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:46:23 GMT

I think you will be able to have the monthly payment on that mortgage removed from your monthly expenses by the potential new lender. You will probably need proof that your "ex" has been paying the payments for 2 years. They will probably require cancelled checks and bank statements for both of you. They want that information to prove that you haven't been giving him the money each month and then he forwards it to the mortgage company. Some lenders will also want to get credit reports from your "ex". You may work around that with proof that property taxes have been paid.

O6 makes a very good point about possession. I think you will find that moving out will be a poor choice from a financial standpoint. That seems to be one of the choices people make when looking for relief from a poor living situation. It may help that situation but usually puts you in a less advantageous position financially.

Re: Help Moving forward

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:00:48 GMT

I don't have anything in writting and I am seeking help from a real estate attorney. Lenders are willing to work with me , but I'll need his help to get tax forms and leases to show that I am not contributing to the mortage payment. He of course is reluctant to do so

Re: Help Moving forward

haulingthescoreup — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:45:27 GMT

I'm glad to hear that you're working with a real estate attorney. S/he should know the steps to take in your case.

Good luck!