topic Re: Wedding Rings in Relationships and Money

Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 13:17:35 GMT

Thanks in advance to any advice/input.

My boyfriend and I have recently had "the marriage talk" - and it's unofficial, but I guess we're "engaged" in a way.

I told him I do not consider us official engaged, "lets tell family and friends" stage until he gets an engagement ring for me and gets on one knee and proposes.

Now we're both sort of engagement ring shopping. In order for him to maintain some bit of manhood and element of surprise, he insists that he'll pick the ring out, but he is looking for input from me on what I like/don't like.

Which leads me to my question -

How much should he spend on an engagement ring? I am conflicted on what sort of rings to suggest because I tend to be frugal right now because I don't "love" jewelry, and I don't want to be over the top on this. However, if I insist on the cheaper side will I regret it 20-30 years from now when we both have more than enough funds? I don't even know what the "average" range for ring shopping is for low-middle incomes. I just don't want to lead him down a path of a too cheap ring, or too expensive. He has said multiple times that he wants me to get something I like - but $1,000 something I like, or $4,000 something I like are different things.

Some basic stats:

Me - 25. $1,800/mo take home. PhD student in Microbiology for 2.5 more years.

~36k in undergrad student loans

~6k in retirement

Expect to make $4-7/mo take home in the future

Him - 30. $4,000/mo take home software engineer.

Home mortgage (owes like ~110k on a $130k home), only debt

~85k in retirement

~25k in emergency savings

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Re: Wedding Rings

Burned2manybridgesB4 — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 16:34:35 GMT

...the sentiment of what the ring represents, over the value (spoken by a cheapo).

Re: Wedding Rings

llecs — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 17:01:04 GMT

Isn't the conventional wisdom 3x tops of your (well, his) monthly take home pay? OP, a ring is a ring is a ring is a ring. It's just a piece of metal usually with a rock in it, or at least that's how I felt. Since you're the recipient, give him a affordable budget and give him your blessings. That way there's no friction between you two that he blew through the budget or can't afford this or that necessity because of a ring. And if you feel you have a strong preference to the style, then indicate that too. IMO, let him pick it out.

DW (to be at that time) and I were broke college students. I went in the mall with DW on her birthday and $100 in my pocket and I told her we'd splurge on whatever she wanted. She went straight to the jewelry store. My heart sank. She pointed at a ring and said she wanted that one. The one she chose was the cheapest engagement ring in the store at $300. It was stupid to do this, but I did finance all $300 and bought the ring and paid some out of cash for the taxes on it. To DW it was only a ring, but it symbolized an engagement which was priceless. She said she would have felt the same if it were $300 or $30,000. When we left the mall she asked me to get on one knee in the parking lot to make it official.

Today that ring is collecting dust in the jewelry box. We saved up to the wedding and had his and her rings custom carved by a goldsmith and later replaced those with a simple gold band for myself and a platinum and 7-diamond band for her that had been in the family. In other words, you can always upgrade later if you wanted to. What you get now doesn't have to be on your finger 10-20-30 yrs from now.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 23:50:18 GMT

Thanks for your input. I have discussed this topic extensively with the BF and we'll likely get something 2-4k in price custom made from a jeweler in Seattle. The BF suggested that and I like the idea of having something original - and it would be like a heirloom since none exist in either of our families right now. A custom piece allows us to pick something I could easily wear in a profession where I am constantly wearing latex or nitrile gloves.

Interestingly, this ring will probabaly be similar or more expensive than the actual 20 guest wbut whatever whatever. He wants to get me something I will want to wear all the time. Bling bling! The only piece of fine jewelry I'll ever own.

Edited for a couple typos.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 16:41:34 GMT

I got my wife an engagement ring following her suggestions for around $1500 at Jared: 14k white gold and a 1/2 carat princess cut diamond. She was insistent that I not spend a ridiculous amount on it, because the money would be better spent on a house instead. The ring looks more expensive than it was, though. When we bring it in for cleaning, the salespeople are always amazed at the quality for the price. I bought it during the depths of the financial crisis before the price of gold exploded, so I got a great deal.

Re: Wedding Rings

DaBears — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 16:50:40 GMT

My wife was happy with a ring out of the cracker jack box. I only went through 1000+ boxes until I found the one she liked and gained about 20 lbs doing it

Congrats!!!!

Re: Wedding Rings

IOBA — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:45:59 GMT

We didn't officially do a ring, although DH had bought me a ring with a beautiful blue stone in it. (I can't remember what it was called - a blue opal?) I wore it some..Not anymore. I do too much with my hands and a ring interfere with gardening, cooking, massage, etc. I love the ring and still have it. I wear it for special occasions.

We didn't do a wedding ring. By then, we already knew money was super tight and neither one of us was set on a ring. And I don't have to worry about loosing a ring or a stone.

Having a ring or not having a ring doesn't change how we feel about each other.

Re: Wedding Rings

thankfulheart — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 07:25:19 GMT

Here's my ring story...I had a diamond cocktail ring from my ex that I took to a jeweler who worked with my husband to create a new ring adding a 3/4 ct pear-shaped diamond. Because I already had the gold and the smaller diamonds, it didn't cost hubby that much (he wouldn't tell me how much, but clearly didn't break his bank).

FF 15 years, I wake up to find the big diamond gone. Missing. Empty prongs. I searched EVERYWHERE. I cried. Never did find that sucker (I'd worked the night before, run all kinds of errands, had no clue when it went missing). Of course, we never insured the thing and I certainly didn't have money lying around at the time, so I went to a local jeweler and had a pear CZ put in its place for $75, setting and all. Even a little larger Cannot tell the difference AT ALL and I love having the larger stone. I know some people are diamond purists, but never again would I spend that kind of money on something that I could lose. Lesson learned.

Re: Wedding Rings

twall06 — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:26:47 GMT

When I asked my then gf to marry me I just kinda figured out what she liked and bought her a ring. I did not spend a fortune on it and she has never asked how much I spent on it . We are just happy to be together. And she was thrilled that I finally put a ring on it lol.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Wed, 08 May 2013 22:57:31 GMT

Ring Size: Are you looking at size or quality?

Watch out on the diamond thing. A big diamond does not mean quality. Also, just because he pays $1000 or $5000; the diamond could have poor quality. I say go for Plantinum over gold or silver along with a quality stone.

Also, Watch the lights in the show case; they make the stone sparkle which can fool the eye.

Besides, I rather have a $1500 ring of quality and if he plans to spend more; I say get a new wardobe in place of that extra money he may spend. Either way, I hear 3 times his income...

Re: Wedding Rings

pstx — Mon, 20 May 2013 02:48:57 GMT

It sounds like you are making a good choice.

The 2-3 months salary thing is just marketing, so feel free to ignore.

I would say, looking back, the most memorable/important thing is the process of picking it out, and you seem to be on the right track. Having something designed that you both care about is better and long term will mean more than if he just picked something out at the jewelry store, even if it were much more expensive.

The next thing is how it looks.

The thing that I can tell you I spent a lot of time thinking about before Buying a ring, and ** zero ** time thinking about sense then, is all of the stuff about VS, vs2, etc. You should know what you are getting, but the cut and size are important to how it looks, while slight differences in quality are meaningless as an owner of a ring.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Thu, 30 May 2013 20:33:20 GMT

My MIL and FIL married when she was 18 and he was 20. Looking at it strictly from a value standpoint, the engagement ring is nothing worth writing home about. They are now in the 20-30 years down the road and you should see the rings she sports on the other hand! He makes a lot of money now and they are very secure financially. She now has three huge, shiny rocks on her right hand with diamond bands equally blinding. My ring was about $7k but my husband was making good money. My point being, don't kill yourself financially over a ring. My husband still had to finance it. You can also look into lab made diamonds - admittedly I don't know anything about them but they are diamonds that are made in the lab and I know are significantly less. I would imagine there's no difference but I'm not sure.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 01:01:28 GMT

She picked out a man made diamond that she saw in a pop science magazine aand I bought a $300 band to set it in. She loves it everyday and her (fairly wealthy) family has no idea. Her aunt has a ring the size of an ice cube and just loves her two rings. My ring was $60. A ring is just something for YOU to cherish so get what makes you both happy. I wish you two a very happy long lasting marriage and keep a open line of communication.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 07:06:46 GMT

My husband and I spent $1100 for all three of our rings. We were/are living pretty much paycheck to paycheck as we slowly save up some money and didn't want to spend beyond our means. Plus, I have ridiculously tiny fingers and a diamon any larger than the one I have would look quite silly on me!

Re: Wedding Rings

voukephalas — Wed, 21 Aug 2013 06:19:27 GMT

For anyone interested in the history behind diamonds as engagement rings (it is essentially a marketer's dream come true, and not tied to any practical or otherwise cultural historical significance), I recommend :"The Heartless Stone".

It made me reconsider diamonds as emotionally significant baubles.

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 18:31:02 GMT

I spent $300 dollars on a proposal ring recently, and my take home is about 1200 a month. She pesters me often more than once a week wanting to know when she can have it (It won't be much longer... ). She is smart and managed to find out what it looks like, then proceeded to investigate online and find pictures of what it looks like in detail. (At least I know I have a resourceful, if surprise spoiling, girlfriend). It really does just come down to how each of you view a ring's place in your relationship. You both may be very symbolic, and the ring be an incredibly important thing. Or you can be like one of the above posters who either never had a ring or only wore it a short time. I know with my girlfriend and I, it is important how much she likes it's appearance, and she likes to show it off. But she knows we don't have the means to go hog wild lol.

Re: Wedding Rings

bartoe — Mon, 26 Aug 2013 20:03:45 GMT

KatherineLee --- I know this sounds crazy, but look on eBay. My fiance and I found an amazing deal with a ring that was held to his standards (my fiance's not mine). We are getting it in the mail rezied to fit mine, and then have it appriased. If the ring turns out what it's suppose to be -- we only paid $3200 for a ring worth almost 16,000.00 He and I are both happy with it especially since we will have saved about 13k to what he would have paid!

Also, look at Swaroski Crystal. I have a ring that he initiially bought me because I was changing jobs and we didn't know the area quite well

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Sun, 13 Oct 2013 08:06:16 GMT

i always heard the rule of thumb is 2x your monthly pay.

Re: Wedding Rings

KoolDev — Mon, 21 Oct 2013 22:55:36 GMT

I spent 750. My cousin is a jeweler lol. It woulda retailed about 1500 at the time. Over the years, i have added a new wrap (insert the ring fits in) with more diamonds etc. I know this post is old, but it has me wondering, whatever happened ? LOL

Re: Wedding Rings

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 14:50:26 GMT

@KoolDev wrote:
I spent 750. My cousin is a jeweler lol. It woulda retailed about 1500 at the time. Over the years, i have added a new wrap (insert the ring fits in) with more diamonds etc. I know this post is old, but it has me wondering, whatever happened ? LOL

^^^