topic Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones... in Relationships and Money

Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

fezwhy — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 13:33:46 GMT

My girlfriend got a ticket last fall for no insurance and no seat belt. She went to court and settled it all so she wouldn't lose her license. She forgot about it apparently and her license is suspended. Mind you she still has no insurance. Well yesterday she was pulled over in her driveway. She got a ticket for no insurance and suspended license. The cop told her she is lucky because normally tow in this circumstance. She still has to get to work and drive her daughter to school. My exact words were I told you so and it's up to you to figure it out. So she called her dad and he is allowing her to use his car. She always gets bailed out by her parents for money problems. If she gets pulled over again with the expired license the car will be impounded and she will be off to jail. I have tried my best to work with her on budgeting her money. However she knows that anytime she needs money to call dad and he gives her money. Her parents wanted me to put her vehicle on my insurance. I laughed at them and said no way. I am at a loss here. I am very frustrated and we did have a talk about this. I told her with the way she mishandles money we would never ever live together. She gets 1 last ditch effort for going over the budget and if she still can't do it then I am done.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

Shogun — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 13:55:13 GMT

It's difficult sometimes to get those we love how to step up and be responsible. I really can't give you advice on the relationship subject, I just don't think I'm qualified. I do hope that it works out for you and she realizes we are ultimately responsible for our own actions.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

meehan22 — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 14:03:28 GMT

That would be irritating. Some parents have a hard time letting go and letting their children grow up and be self effiecent. I have an older sibling who still takes full advantage of my parents money even though he makes nearly as much as they do.

Why grow up when you dont have to!

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

fezwhy — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 14:28:01 GMT

I just don't understand. She is 30 year's old and should know better by now. My dad would have laughed at me and told me to figure it out.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

meehan22 — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 16:46:50 GMT

driving without insurance is just pure stupidity though. I know you mentioned she is your girlfriend, but thats just asking for trouble.
Not only possibly ruin someone elses assets/life but posibly your own for years with civil court cases causing you to either pay forever or

live under the radar and never have another asset again.

Its foolish. To many people now days do it, seems like each time I open up the paper there is a dozen no insurance tickets.
Just hope one day they dont hit me.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

fezwhy — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 16:54:59 GMT

If she were to hit somebody it would be right to jail and loss of her vehicle. Like I told her if you can't afford it you need to buckle down on bills or get a full time job. It's just too bad her parents always bail her out. I asked her where she will go when they both die some day. She had no answer. Time to put on her big girl pants.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

youdontkillmoney — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 17:07:11 GMT

@fezwhy wrote:
My girlfriend got a ticket last fall for no insurance and no seat belt. She went to court and settled it all so she wouldn't lose her license. She forgot about it apparently and her license is suspended. Mind you she still has no insurance. Well yesterday she was pulled over in her driveway. She got a ticket for no insurance and suspended license. The cop told her she is lucky because normally tow in this circumstance. She still has to get to work and drive her daughter to school. My exact words were I told you so and it's up to you to figure it out. So she called her dad and he is allowing her to use his car. She always gets bailed out by her parents for money problems. If she gets pulled over again with the expired license the car will be impounded and she will be off to jail. I have tried my best to work with her on budgeting her money. However she knows that anytime she needs money to call dad and he gives her money. Her parents wanted me to put her vehicle on my insurance. I laughed at them and said no way. I am at a loss here. I am very frustrated and we did have a talk about this. I told her with the way she mishandles money we would never ever live together. She gets 1 last ditch effort for going over the budget and if she still can't do it then I am done.

^^^^

if you see a future with her, put her on your insurance and you pay the bills to make sure they get paid. Make sure the car is registered in her name so the motor vehicle dept has her name for that car for records in case anything happens and if she does get into an accident the insurance is there to protect the one you love and if not, then if you are with her, her financial mess/stress becomes yours too since you're together. If she gets into an accident her record with motor vehicles will be affected not yours and as for insurance, teh premiums will go up if it's her fault, but insurance wise the insruance company knows she is the driver of that car and won't affect your records; though the premiums will go up for her. That's what i would do. And make sure you don't have any type of joint financial account with her, but if you do, you handle all the bills.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

fezwhy — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 17:31:40 GMT

the problem with putting her on my insurance is one I will never be paid back and two it doesn't teach her anything. I would never do a joint account With someone who just has no common sense with money. She was doing much better since we had a sit down with a budget. I informed her before Christmas that if she continued to be so reckless with spending and not care about h r finances that I would be gone. She buckled Down and paid rent first then all the other bills. Cut out going out to eat. Shopping without her daughter so no extra toys, candy, etc would be purchased. Consolidated errands into 1 trip instead of 3 or 4. Then she just didn't pay that fine. Again dad gave her money to help out. We are having a serious talk tonight I am at my wits end. Money problems out of marriage ignored will follow into marriage. I have been through this before with another gal years ago and in the end didn't work out. The other gal hid her checkbooks instead of Letting me help her.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

youdontkillmoney — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 17:35:05 GMT

@fezwhy wrote:
the problem with putting her on my insurance is one I will never be paid back and two it doesn't teach her anything. I would never do a joint account With someone who just has no common sense with money. She was doing much better since we had a sit down with a budget. I informed her before Christmas that if she continued to be so reckless with spending and not care about h r finances that I would be gone. She buckled Down and paid rent first then all the other bills. Cut out going out to eat. Shopping without her daughter so no extra toys, candy, etc would be purchased. Consolidated errands into 1 trip instead of 3 or 4. Then she just didn't pay that fine. Again dad gave her money to help out. We are having a serious talk tonight I am at my wits end. Money problems out of marriage ignored will follow into marriage. I have been through this before with another gal years ago and in the end didn't work out. The other gal hid her checkbooks instead of Letting me help her.

^^^^

You may consider that this relationship is not meant to be. Both of you are not willing to change/budge. I think you're doing things right by the way, paying on time, responsible, etc. Maybe it's time to move on dpeending on how strong you feel about her or not.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

Revelate — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 19:28:09 GMT

@fezwhy wrote:
the problem with putting her on my insurance is one I will never be paid back and two it doesn't teach her anything. I would never do a joint account With someone who just has no common sense with money. She was doing much better since we had a sit down with a budget. I informed her before Christmas that if she continued to be so reckless with spending and not care about h r finances that I would be gone. She buckled Down and paid rent first then all the other bills. Cut out going out to eat. Shopping without her daughter so no extra toys, candy, etc would be purchased. Consolidated errands into 1 trip instead of 3 or 4. Then she just didn't pay that fine. Again dad gave her money to help out. We are having a serious talk tonight I am at my wits end. Money problems out of marriage ignored will follow into marriage. I have been through this before with another gal years ago and in the end didn't work out. The other gal hid her checkbooks instead of Letting me help her.

@When someone has a problem it's rarely cured at first outset. It's like going cold turkey on smoking or alcoholism, it's @#$*(' hard dude; some people can do it, but it's really similar when you've made a habit of something your entire life - real change takes time and discipline, you haven't given her the first, and she may only now be developing the second.

I know plenty of people that wouldn't have even tried and I would suggest being as encouraging as possible rather than simply laying down the law and/or walking; the fact that she's made a real attempt based on what you said here, should be worth something... it certainly is in my book, and that goes double or triple if I care about a person which you likely do in this case.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

twall06 — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 20:08:59 GMT

My gf used to be really bad about money and very unresponsible also. I talked to her told her it would not work if it continued it took her awhile but she got use to taking care of bills first. After our talk she paid off all off her charge offs she rehabbed all her student loans and is now pretty financialy responsible. But I do keep track of her accts and remind her before pay day what she needs to pay and how much is left over after all is paid now her money actually last until her next payday and it has gotten rid of alot of the stress we had before. It takes some people awhile to come around . It is hard to get some people out of the mind set of you got to spend it all as soon as you get it then struggle till next week .

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

fezwhy — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 03:44:01 GMT

Update:

I have tried my best but she just cannot stick to a budget. I made her a budget sheet with all her expenses listed to help visualize. Still she spends money she doesn't have and keeps using the excuse I never learned it like you did. So frustrating. I had to let her go. I cannot stay with someone who has been shown so many times and still can't do it. My hands are tied on this one. I gave it my best shot. Heck my 9 year old son understands how to budget and why we need to keep some money in the bank for emergencies. /end rant

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 00:38:46 GMT

@fezwhy wrote:
Update:

I have tried my best but she just cannot stick to a budget. I made her a budget sheet with all her expenses listed to help visualize. Still she spends money she doesn't have and keeps using the excuse I never learned it like you did. So frustrating. I had to let her go. I cannot stay with someone who has been shown so many times and still can't do it. My hands are tied on this one. I gave it my best shot. Heck my 9 year old son understands how to budget and why we need to keep some money in the bank for emergencies. /end rant

You did what you could.

I wouldn't have been so forgiving, personally.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

laz98 — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 18:24:50 GMT

Congrats on getting your son away from a bad example. Some people just don't want to be helped.

Re: Why do I always end up with the dumb ones...

pipeguy — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 18:30:30 GMT

I know this is off topic, but I just saw this thread today - Why do I always end up with the dumb ones - I really had to double check to see if my wife had discovered myFICO forums (actual issues aside).