topic Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page in Relationships and Money

Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 18:43:50 GMT

A couple weeks ago my boyfriend ordered a necklace for me that I saw and immediately fell in love with. Now, I'm usually not one for jewelry, but something about this particular heart shape and the black swooping stones were precisely my style, and he was equally impressed. It was on one of those Amazon review sites where you can get things at significant discount, in this case 50% off. It was now only $10, and I had reached my limit of items. So I used all my feminine wiles to entreat him to get it for me, and he happily obliged.

Last night as we were enjoying the necklace I told him that I was just as happy - no, happier - than if he had spent hundreds or thousands on "real" jewelry for me. We've been talking marriage for several months now, and I've mentioned more than once that I'd be happy with a fake diamond in my ring. It's just not that important to me to have a genuine stone on my finger. I'd much rather the money be spent on items that tangibly improve life.

He says I'm the first girlfriend he's had who's been happy when he doesn't spend money on her. After hearing some of his tales, my reply was "Are you kidding? I'd KILL you if you spent that much on me."

Now this necklace is more than just an enjoyment of the style. It's a reminder of how much we're on the same page with finances.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

surferchris — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 01:27:51 GMT

Congrats on your great relationship. It seems like you are both very mature and thoughtful in your decision-making. Best of luck with the future.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 01:08:11 GMT

A great relationship in the making here on and out. We actually take it further in our case. We don't do gifts at all and haven't done it for years and we love it this way. Maturity in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It is about having good communication, being compatible financially and intellectually among other things. You seem to have a very good guy so take good care of him and treat him like the king he is. [ I mean king in a jovial way]

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Mar 2017 13:46:42 GMT

You have a solid foundation of a great relationship.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 02:37:57 GMT

Great story and thanks for sharing it. That must be a great feeling to be on the same page like that. I've never experienced a relationship where we both saw eye to eye financially. Maybe one day... I envy what you have for sure!

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Sat, 18 Mar 2017 16:07:28 GMT

Kudos to You!!!

I learned a long time ago that I didn't necessarily need the big fancy jewelry to make me happy. I personally love going on cruises and vacations and I would much rather have a nice 50 dollar "fake" engagement ring on my finger than a 5000 dollar real one and eating ramen noodles and spam for a year.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Mar 2017 13:22:26 GMT

I think it's important to recognize that this tradition of extremely expensive offerings for a hand in marriage came from dowries, a man was purchasing a woman.

Doing away with it, mutually, is fantastic.

No offense to anyone who adores this tradition, of course, and if you have disposable income, it may seem like pennies to the rest of us. It's all relative.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Gunnar419 — Sun, 19 Mar 2017 14:40:33 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
I think it's important to recognize that this tradition of extremely expensive offerings for a hand in marriage came from dowries, a man was purchasing a woman.

Doing away with it, mutually, is fantastic.

No offense to anyone who adores this tradition, of course, and if you have disposable income, it may seem like pennies to the rest of us. It's all relative.

Truth. For people who have tons of disposable income, it may be nice to spend it on fat rings, big weddings or Lamborghinis, but feeling pressure to spend money on unsubstantial things like jewelry or weddings is a danger sign to me. Going into debt for things like that, as so many people do now, seems downright insane.

OP, I'm glad you and your DBF are on the same page. You sound like you're off to a great start.

I would also be watchful because there's a fine line between being intelligently careful about money and being a penny pinching cheapskate. The first is a wonderful, wise thing. The second can be a nightmare.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 16:03:22 GMT

@Gunnar419 wrote:

OP, I'm glad you and your DBF are on the same page. You sound like you're off to a great start.
I would also be watchful because there's a fine line between being intelligently careful about money and being a penny pinching cheapskate. The first is a wonderful, wise thing. The second can be a nightmare.

I hear ya and I agree.

We're trying to find the right balance through this period where money is extrmely tight for us. It's been a year since the car accident that caused him to lose his job and be unable to work for a good 10 months or so, and he's never had to live on a tight budget before so it's been interesting, to say the least. I will say there are times these days we just absolutely have to be "penny pinching cheapskates" to avoid going under, as my disability only allows me to work odd jobs and the past several months I have had out of pocket necessary medical expenses that exceed the total amount I get from all income sources combined. (It was pay for it to happen or die.) Yet we still need to eat, and my car needs gas and an oil change and a headlight replaced before anything "fun" can be budgeted in.

It's interesting, too, to have conversations on where to spend any "extra" (sorta?) dollars. Really helps that both of us are pretty self-aware and comfortable talking about mental health needs. Sometimes a "luxury" thing is what is absolutely necessary for sanity at that time, so I personally count it as a health expense. E.g. he has a strong history of going out to the movies as being a "safe place" when seriously overwhelmed, so I found a budget theater that only costs $2-$3/person. We still can't afford to go very often at all, but when needed, it's there, sitcky floor and all.

Hopefully we'll be abe to relax a bit more soon once either a job or the insurance payout comes through. You're right, it's pretty miserable living like this, and I know people who do it even though they have plenty of money! But we are in looooooorve so we don't care. Kinda.

Today is my birthday - his was last week. We aren't doing gifts. But, I am going to wear his necklace today. It's an honor to walk through such a long, hard rough patch with a person you trust implicitly by your side. I think we're almost out the other side.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 16:15:19 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
A great relationship in the making here on and out. We actually take it further in our case. We don't do gifts at all and haven't done it for years and we love it this way. Maturity in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It is about having good communication, being compatible financially and intellectually among other things. You seem to have a very good guy so take good care of him and treat him like the king he is. [ I mean king in a jovial way]

I definitely will!

For us, we don't tend to do gifts on traditional dates like birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, or Valentine's. We do, however, fantastically enjoy gifting each other out of the blue, when inspired/able. I agree compatibility is key. We've been together for nearly 2 years now and never did anything special for valentine's or anniversaries or anything. I'm just the type that doesn't pay much attention to that. He typically mentions it as a "significant' date is approaching, and the main thing that shuts him up is when I say "Babe, what all those people want on valentine's and anniversaries and such is the same kind of amazing affection, connection, and care that you give me loads of EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am not being short-changed here!"

He still grumbles about intentions to take me out on fancy date because I "deserve it", and then he goes and applies for jobs instead like he know he should LOL.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 01:53:51 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
@Anonymous wrote:
A great relationship in the making here on and out. We actually take it further in our case. We don't do gifts at all and haven't done it for years and we love it this way. Maturity in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It is about having good communication, being compatible financially and intellectually among other things. You seem to have a very good guy so take good care of him and treat him like the king he is. [ I mean king in a jovial way]
I definitely will!

For us, we don't tend to do gifts on traditional dates like birthdays, anniversary, Christmas, or Valentine's. We do, however, fantastically enjoy gifting each other out of the blue, when inspired/able. I agree compatibility is key. We've been together for nearly 2 years now and never did anything special for valentine's or anniversaries or anything. I'm just the type that doesn't pay much attention to that. He typically mentions it as a "significant' date is approaching, and the main thing that shuts him up is when I say "Babe, what all those people want on valentine's and anniversaries and such is the same kind of amazing affection, connection, and care that you give me loads of EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am not being short-changed here!"

He still grumbles about intentions to take me out on fancy date because I "deserve it", and then he goes and applies for jobs instead like he know he should LOL.

That is soo nice Batsy.... You have an amazing relationship..

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Jul 2017 01:16:22 GMT

This thread seemed an appropriate place to stick this:

I'm engaged!!!

My ring cost a grand total of $26, including shipping. I picked it out, after much agonizing. My partner said he'd get whatever I wanted. Anything I wanted. No matter how expensive. And after going to lots of jewelry stores, I realized what I wanted was something simple, cheap, and pretty. I wanted something that felt like "me". We bought it on Etsy. It's rose gold filled and sterling silver.

Feels like we're starting this thing off right, y'know?

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

TheVig — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 09:22:19 GMT

Congrats.

Yes you are doing things right, especially with the ring. Won't have to worry about, how to pay for it.

Sounds like you did the smart thing. You put "math" before "emotions.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

AverageJoesCredit — Sun, 09 Jul 2017 23:33:25 GMT

Congrats Batsy, wish you a happy life with your beau Simplicity would be an amazing find

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

MakingProgress — Thu, 10 Aug 2017 15:38:11 GMT

I have been on both sides this issue. I was married for 22 yrs and we were not on he same page at all. We got paid and she went shopping, I then had to figure out how to keep the lights on. Went thorough BK, lost house to taxes, lots of baddies. Got divorced and the bleeding stopped but the damage was done.

Now remarried for 3.5 yrs and we are on the same page. Have some money saved, most of old debt paid, baddies are dropping off and I am rebuilding.

I will take being on the same page any day over the alternative.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Dalmus — Thu, 10 Aug 2017 16:42:42 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
I think it's important to recognize that this tradition of extremely expensive offerings for a hand in marriage came from dowries, a man was purchasing a woman.

Doing away with it, mutually, is fantastic.

No offense to anyone who adores this tradition, of course, and if you have disposable income, it may seem like pennies to the rest of us. It's all relative.

I think its also important to know that buying expensive diamonds for an engagement ring has only been a common thing for the past 100 years or so, and was primarily the result of a sales campaign by one particular dimamond seller. Think "Only men who dont really love their women don't buy large diamond enagement rings."

But, as you said... To each their own. Whatever makes the wife happy, while not forcing a change in yoru lifestyle to afford it.

Re: Fake jewelry and the joy of being on the same page

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Aug 2017 15:52:31 GMT

The main attention is not the cost of decoration. Many girls are happy with the wedding ring, twisted from the delay from champagne, the main thing is that they are loved.