topic Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind in Relationships and Money

Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Sep 2020 22:47:32 GMT

So my sister needed cash and was cash poor but had credit cards with high limits. She always pays her bills BUT doesnt like debt. She didn't want to take a cash advance. She asked me give her money and gave me credit card to use in "payment". She needed 17k (for car and down payment and security of rent for apartment, and some other items she couldn't use a credit card for- she worked as a waitress and doesnt claim all her tips so sher bank would not approve her for a car loan in the amount she wanted). She said to use her credit card and no worries as she would pay it back in lou of paying me back. We have never had issues of mistrust or anything (we are in our late 30s) So I agreed. After I gave her money she asked for the card back which I did immediately. Then she told me to pay it off. I had only used 3k over the six months I had it and she had made the payments. When i asked her for the money back she told me it was a gift and that she had no intention of paying it back . She cut contact with me and filed police report stating I had used it without permission. I have gotten an attorney just to be safe (and there are tons of evidence via text messages and other people who knew about the arrangement other than family members) BUT did I really do something wrong? She even got me an authorized user card to use when this started.

update

The attorney hired spoke with police and no charges will be filed. However- he did warn to keep all the records for now and for the next few years juat in case. He said someone like "her" he wouldn't put it past her to try something fishy.

The small success was that her rent deposit was paid for by my check. The landlord was contacted and he is giving me back the 5k they needed to move in and apparently won't renew the lease when it matures. We are going to court to sue for the money back minus the 3k i put on the card and the 5k for the rent deposit. We intend to garnish wages if we win. Every document where ahe was my POA of FPOA or beneficiary has been changed. I even changed banks as we were at a small credit union and I wanted to make sure nothing funny would happen. All locks have been changed and ahe has been blocked. The other small win- was she had tried to get a cell phone in her name that she had spotted paying on dismissed as a fraudulent opened account. After Verizon did their investigation they ruled against her. Stated the acct was opened for 3 yrs and opened in peraon by her. I am actually glad she tried this so it can be used as evidence against her in court to prove she has been lying l.

I also spent sometime with a therapist juat to talk everything through because this has affected many in my family. Some have lined up with her and said I should let it go and others said I am doing the right thing.

thanks everyone for the advice.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

thornback — Thu, 02 Apr 2020 10:14:47 GMT

Wow. This is a tough (and quite sad) situation. Sorry you're going through it - it's a shame when money comes between family.

Based on your story, it doesn't appear you did anything wrong. And her adding you as an AU is an act of granting access and permission to use the credit. I'd definitely recommend removing yourself as an AU for any of her tradelines though...

The filing of a police report seems a bit extreme given the circumstances you've laid out. If this agreement is supported by documented texts and witnesses, you could take her to court for the $17K you loaned.

I wish you all the best.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Apr 2020 11:31:42 GMT

This is a tough situation. Sorry you're going through it. I'm a lawyer and a former criminal prosecutor. Nothing in this post should in any way be construed as legal advice in any way. Also, this response assumes that what you've said here is true and has not omitted relevant additional information. First and foremost, good job getting a lawyer. Between the text messages, the fact that she added you as an AU, and the fact that she paid the $3K in charges over the months is all solid evidence that would almost certainly mean no law enforcement would find probable cause of a crime much less a prosecutor making a decision to file formal charges. Still, you're better off having a lawyer to protect your rights. I'll say this, the evidence and circumstances that prove your innocence conversely tends to show your sister's guilt on everything from providing false information to law enforcement, to conspiracy, to scheme to defraud. That's criminal trouble for her. It's also potentially a problem with her bank if she reported your charges as fraudulent. The bank could possibly prosecute or sue. They'd almost certainly cancel her accounts. You could potentially file a lawsuit against her for breach of contract, unjust enrichment, and defamation. This is a terrible situation to be in with a family member. Again, nothing I've posted here should be construed as legal advice and it shouldn't be construed as an actual analysis of your options or exposure.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

gingerflower — Sat, 04 Apr 2020 17:23:56 GMT

@ecunnigham4747 this is the reason I have trust issues helping family members....$17,000 is alot of money to agree with a family member. For that amount I would have definitely draw up a contract. It's sad to have a sister who would do such a thing to call the police on you. Definitely go to court and demand to have your $17,000 Pls update on your situation.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

OmarR — Sun, 05 Apr 2020 17:22:52 GMT

Always keep your "lending limit" to an amount that you won't care about if its not paid back. Mine is $20.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Apr 2020 22:28:02 GMT

While I certainly agree with you- I think what is most disturbing to me is the fact she filed a police report stating I used her credit card fraudulently when she got me the authorized user card to use. Insinuated to the police I have hacked her acct some how and got myself the AU card. Police called me at work to ask me questions about how I did it and asked me to come "down to the station". I declined and I immediately called my husband and told him what happened. He contacted a crimial attorney.

We recently found out through a left behind piece of mail at a family member's home that she is apparently more deeply into debt then she was letting on to anyone (thanks to her newest boyfriend). Apparently they have been living the high life on her cards- going to vacations and buying all kinds of crazy stuff that is not "normal" for her. Also we found there are some recent bills of her that went to collections over the past year that she is saying I did such as a cell phone bill. We are actually wondering if she is having a nervous breakdown or something. No one knows where this is coming from.

idk... right now we are more worried what other lies she maybe hatching. To be honest tht is what keeps us up at night right now. Both my husband and I have professional licenses and things like this could ruin them.

so many times this issue is kind of a reverse thing where someone has it done too them. THIS, however, is something i had never had anyone encounter. There also my concern that if this goes further she will get into trouble for filing a false police report or what other criminal charges they could throw at her. It sounds insane- I know- but she is still family and I worry about her.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Apr 2020 23:39:26 GMT

So sorry this has happened to you OP.

I can't imagine what it must be like to have to go through this with someone, let alone a family member. I hope everything works out for you in the long run.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

FlaDude — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 17:29:41 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
BUT did I really do something wrong?

I think the only thing you did wrong was to not get a signed promissory note or other formal documentation of the loan.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Apr 2020 19:16:27 GMT

Believe me when I say... that was a mistake on our part. I will say that we had loaned her money in the past before and not had issues (2k for a vet bill, 1k for car repair) and each time things went as planned. The 17k isn't the thing that worries us the most. We both carry professional licenses and any sort of money or financial impropriety can cost us/me those license. Believe me when I say that is the bigger fear.

I learned today she said an acct of hers was fraudulently opened. A cell phone bill. what she is saying is that I did it four years ago. Now everyone in family knows (and a family friend went with her - her bf at the time) when she opened it 4 yrs ago in a verizon store. Apparently she and her bf had two lines and they have been since turned over to collections (no one knew as she has been with another company for two years and said she simply "switched"). She filed an official fraud claim with that. I am just shaking my head. We found out when she had a letter sent to our parents house and then opened it like they always did thinking it was a bill to text message her a photo as she never goes home anymore and they found this instead. I have been with verizon for 15 yrs and when I opened my acct I had to have a drivers license or some sort of ID. Has that changed? My attorney said in a conversation this morning that he can get the record and she should have produced ID. But this is getting insane.

i think the ither thing really bothering me is there is not a lot of info on what happens when your wrongfully accused. My attorney said when this is over I should file criminal and civil charges. I don't want too in a way BUT in a way.... I am seriously considering filing civil charges and letting them file criminal if necessary.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Apr 2020 02:21:14 GMT

@Anonymous I feel for you. DW and myself played cat and mouse with my sister the id theift. At its peak my sister and her husband had sold or mortgaged everything dw and I owned including our business and house. They got caught on a fluke by picking an attorney to do a cash out on a property we owned with them impersonating us. Only problem was the attorney was my bff and he knew we on an extended trip for months. The amount was over a million dollars. We ended up getting almost everythng undone over the next year. But took weeks. yes sister went to jail. My mother helped them but we did not prosecute her due to her age. As a consilation when my mother died she left everything to my needy theift sister. I think the will is fraudlent but cost to pursue ran to high. I spent $$ and found out it would take even more $$ to contest so I walked.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

DebtJoe — Sat, 11 Apr 2020 17:49:54 GMT

Avoid legal trouble at all costs. Find out from an attorney if you should pay the credit card debt, and if so, make sure there is something legal in writing.

Then, you need to cut all ties with this family member and never deal with them again.

Sorry to be so blunt, but the old saying blood is thicker than water is a fools' quote. Bury this relationship now.

I "had" a sister that stole from me and my wife years ago. She is no longer my sister.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Apr 2020 18:00:58 GMT

No worries there. We have retained an attorney to help sort this . I will say I have been coming to terms with the relationship and how to move forward. Your adviced is being echoed by many and though hard it is the way I believe I am going to go. Recently we started blocking her and her friends on facebook, blocking phone numbers, and changing door locks and key codes that she knew and revoking POAs and changing some accts I had that were POD to her- making by husband the beneficiary or my mother of all my accts. I fear the outcome may of all this maybe slow but most people are saying the same thing as my attorney- with all the evidence I should be ok.

I must admit I am saddened by this. I am pregnant with my first child and had hoped she would be part of the next chapter BUT she has put so much unnecessary stress on me with this that I think I would find it very hard to move forwarded with any type of a relationship with her. I sometimes feel very selfish when Inthink that way BUT I know this is for the best.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

DebtJoe — Sun, 12 Apr 2020 02:58:09 GMT

@Anonymous wrote:
No worries there. We have retained an attorney to help sort this . I will say I have been coming to terms with the relationship and how to move forward. Your adviced is being echoed by many and though hard it is the way I believe I am going to go. Recently we started blocking her and her friends on facebook, blocking phone numbers, and changing door locks and key codes that she knew and revoking POAs and changing some accts I had that were POD to her- making by husband the beneficiary or my mother of all my accts. I fear the outcome may of all this maybe slow but most people are saying the same thing as my attorney- with all the evidence I should be ok.

I must admit I am saddened by this. I am pregnant with my first child and had hoped she would be part of the next chapter BUT she has put so much unnecessary stress on me with this that I think I would find it very hard to move forwarded with any type of a relationship with her. I sometimes feel very selfish when Inthink that way BUT I know this is for the best.

It's never easy, but you want people in your life who are healthy for your mental well being. Unfortunately sometimes the people who cross the line are important to you.

Maybe one day the relationship can be restored, but now is not that time.

And one last bit of advice to heed. If there are any talks from this family member in the future looking to repair things, make sure it doesn't come with a catch. If you get an olive branch extended to you followed by a sob story, run away fast.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

Anonymous — Tue, 26 May 2020 19:13:06 GMT

It also sounds llike this new boyfriend is a influence on your sister.He may have created some of the debt himself and has manioulated and convinced her to have you take the fall for it. This sounds like a trap from get go and she played you. The finacned the lavish lifestyle you just spoke off, unable to cover the debts and created this false narrative to not be held legally responsible aka scam!. I'm sorry youre going through this especially while pregnant. However everything done in the dark will come to light, I pray your profession license isn't affected by this and you can move on with as little issues as possible from it.

Re: Credit use by family member with permission who then changed their mind

dunn2500 — Wed, 30 Sep 2020 00:21:50 GMT

always do financial business in writing....even if it is with family