topic Re: Financial Deal Breakers in Relationships and Money

Financial Deal Breakers

Citylights18 — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 16:16:19 GMT

Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

MarkintheHV — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 17:17:29 GMT

Interesting..... Personally, I refuse to get into any financial discussions until things start getting serious. Unless we are looking at marriage then it remains none of her business. If we were to be mulling cohabitating, all that she needs to know is that I can pay my portion of the bills.

If my salary is a deal breaker as far as dating goes, then to me that is a big red flag. She should be dating me for what I am, not what my bank accounts look like.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

Citylights18 — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 17:35:58 GMT

@MarkintheHV wrote:
Interesting..... Personally, I refuse to get into any financial discussions until things start getting serious. Unless we are looking at marriage then it remains none of her business. If we were to be mulling cohabitating, all that she needs to know is that I can pay my portion of the bills.

If my salary is a deal breaker as far as dating goes, then to me that is a big red flag. She should be dating me for what I am, not what my bank accounts look like.

Yeah. I just feel like if there is no common vison around the relationship there is really no point to becoming concerned about finances.

Depends on how they are approaching it too. If they are approaching the relationship like they want a piece of the bank account or if they are approaching it like their finances are their own problem.

I had one where the problem was she needed to be constantly contained rather work on needs for the household. When she left I knew it gave me time to finish up the house and give other personal matters the attention it deserved. Some people don't understand the concept of approaching a relationship as a team.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

Brian_Earl_Spilner — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 17:41:28 GMT

@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.

Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

CreditCuriosity — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 20:17:12 GMT

Honestly I wouldn't really want to date someone that has financial issues or big financial burdons as I don't want to inherit those if it was to get serious and wouldn't get serious with someone that doesn't have their financial house in order and is carrying alot of debt whether personal loans, cc or combination of them or other things. Just my personal opinion. You don't want to have the talk right off, but eventually you need to know someones financial situation eventually and hopefully they are honest to you.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

NoMoreDebt — Tue, 31 Jan 2023 00:36:43 GMT

@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:
@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.
Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.

While im sure there are exceptions and not everyone does it, this has been my experience also. Done it personally in the past when i was still doing dumb things and everyone I knew that was doing it at the time were all doing it for the same reason, To buy crap we didn't have the money to buy otherwise...

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

TheRedHat — Wed, 01 Feb 2023 02:02:21 GMT

Can't really have fun with someone who is constantly living paycheck to paycheck and has a lot of debt to pay. It's not so much how much they make than how they manage their finances. I want to enjoy my life and do fun things. That usually costs money. I never liked the idea of "vacationing on a budget." So even though money is okay for me at the moment, I'm not dating anyone until I finish paying off all my debts. It is so much better that way.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

iced — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 18:38:23 GMT

@NoMoreDebt wrote:
@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:
@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.
Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.
While im sure there are exceptions and not everyone does it, this has been my experience also. Done it personally in the past when i was still doing dumb things and everyone I knew that was doing it at the time were all doing it for the same reason, To buy crap we didn't have the money to buy otherwise...

Also agree. I don't know anyone who has a personal loan for a good reason. It's invariably some pursuit of frivolous luxury in an attempt to impress their friends and neighbors...or to pay off debt they accrued via credit cards in pursuit of frivolous luxury in a past attempt to impress their friends and neighbors.

As such, it is something that could very much be a dealbreaker for me were I to date someone in this situation. It reveals a larger problem -- lack of delayed gratification and poor impulse control. Both of those are weaknesses that bleed into many aspects of a relationship that would inevitably negatively impact them, me, and the relationship.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

iced — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 18:40:16 GMT

Also, where's Gen X in this study? They cover Boomers, Milennials, and Gen Z, and the forgotten generation is -- as usual -- forgotten.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

FireMedic1 — Mon, 06 Feb 2023 17:41:22 GMT

Hi. My name is FM1. You are? Nice to meet you. Your very attractive. Single? Why yes. Would you like to go have lunch one day on the beach? Sure! Noon at Joes Crab Shack? Sounds great! Bring your MyFICO 3B report. 750's your in. 500's. Had a great date. Nice company. Had fun. Next.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

ghgirll40 — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 02:32:40 GMT

@FireMedic1 wrote:
Hi. My name is FM1. You are? Nice to meet you. Your very attractive. Single? Why yes. Would you like to go have lunch one day on the beach? Sure! Noon at Joes Crab Shack? Sounds great! Bring your MyFICO 3B report. 750's your in. 500's. Had a great date. Nice company. Had fun. Next.

😂😂😂

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

TRC_WA — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 20:58:51 GMT

@FireMedic1 wrote:
Hi. My name is FM1. You are? Nice to meet you. Your very attractive. Single? Why yes. Would you like to go have lunch one day on the beach? Sure! Noon at Joes Crab Shack? Sounds great! Bring your MyFICO 3B report. 750's your in. 500's. Had a great date. Nice company. Had fun. Next.

@FireMedic1

I've been dating a gal for about 3 months now... she has made it very obvious that she is into me... texts... calls... etc... etc... she's attractive with a great personality... I'm 48... she's 47. She actually let it slip the other day that she recently paid off her bankruptcy.. I'm like "oh yeah? When?" She told me Nov 2022... and I'm like "mine was March 2022."

We ended up somewhat discussing our incomes and stuff... I recently filed my taxes for $99k... she showed me her HR Block report and it said she filed for $87k... I said to myself "well, at least I know if I end up hooking up with her long term that we will be able to live a comfortable lifestyle."

I already knew she didn't work a McJob but figured she'd be a bit lower... but nope. At any rate I'll return to this thread in a year and let people know what happened...

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

jsweeti1 — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 22:08:43 GMT

@TheRedHat wrote:
Can't really have fun with someone who is constantly living paycheck to paycheck and has a lot of debt to pay. It's not so much how much they make than how they manage their finances. I want to enjoy my life and do fun things. That usually costs money. I never liked the idea of "vacationing on a budget." So even though money is okay for me at the moment, I'm not dating anyone until I finish paying off all my debts. It is so much better that way.

Hi @TheRedHat!

I would say it depends on the debt. I think it is very different to have $100,000 in CC debt versus $100,000 in student loans. My boyfriend and I have spoken about our finances -- we are both in student loan debt, but that would not stop neither of us from pursuing each other. If he had an exorbitant amount of CC or personal loan debt, that would probably make me think twice.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

MarkintheHV — Sat, 18 Feb 2023 15:04:28 GMT

Maybe you can help her with her credit rebuild!

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

Citylights18 — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 09:07:25 GMT

@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:
@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.
Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.

I'm sure there are people doing that in some places. Around where I am its put an addition on to add value. But what it ends up being is put an addition on to add property taxes. When I tell people a 2 million dollar house is $2,000 dollars of property taxes a month they look at me as if they are stunned. They never thought of it that way.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

OmarR — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 15:45:22 GMT

@Citylights18 wrote:
@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:
@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.
Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.
I'm sure there are people doing that in some places. Around where I am its put an addition on to add value. But what it ends up being is put an addition on to add property taxes. When I tell people a 2 million dollar house is $2,000 dollars of property taxes a month they look at me as if they are stunned. They never thought of it that way.

Even that is a gamble. The cost of an addition does not always had the same amount of value to a property.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

privacyadvocate69 — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 16:36:58 GMT

@Citylights18 wrote:
@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:
@Citylights18 wrote:
Article on Yahoo talking about how personal loans are a big detail in dating.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/comes-dating-earning-less-30-091144167.html

I guess I'm not seeing how someone having a personal loan is a big turnoff. Personal loans are usually for very productive reasons.
Most people take out personal loans for frivolous things. At least, just about everyone I've ever known. Project cars, ATVs, extravagant vacations. Some took them out to pay down debt, then ran up the cards again. HELOCs weren't much better. Started with good intentions, then they got a new trailer with some sea-doos plus what's a renovation without an 80" tv and full surround sound. The kitchen can wait.
I'm sure there are people doing that in some places. Around where I am its put an addition on to add value. But what it ends up being is put an addition on to add property taxes. When I tell people a 2 million dollar house is $2,000 dollars of property taxes a month they look at me as if they are stunned. They never thought of it that way.

It's why we bought a house that was the cheapest one we felt we could possibly get away with. Besides having a 15 year mortgage payment that is only about 4% of our income, are property taxes are dirt cheap. We wanted to starve the govt of as much tax revenue as we could, and keep that money for ourselves.

We COULD go out and buy a $1M house, but good lord, why??? Why would I want to pay all that property tax?!?!

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

QuarterB35 — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 23:16:20 GMT

@FireMedic1 wrote:
Hi. My name is FM1. You are? Nice to meet you. Your very attractive. Single? Why yes. Would you like to go have lunch one day on the beach? Sure! Noon at Joes Crab Shack? Sounds great! Bring your MyFICO 3B report. 750's your in. 500's. Had a great date. Nice company. Had fun. Next.

What if they 749 could they squeeze in?

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

CorpCrMgr1 — Sun, 28 Jan 2024 04:29:00 GMT

Totally agree. After my divorce in 2007, I purchased a house in the Fall of 2008. Bought cheap. Friends were losing jobs, filing bankruptcy, and their homes were under water. Yes, my salary could well afford a bigger house, but I had the big house in my married life. Now I live what I consider to be great life. No debt except a couple more years on my car, 834 Exp 840 Equ score. Date often. Travel a lot. Enjoy venues.

I do date those with poor credit. Date only. Relationship never.

Re: Financial Deal Breakers

TRC_WA — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 13:38:57 GMT

@TRC_WA wrote:
I've been dating a gal for about 3 months now... she has made it very obvious that she is into me... texts... calls... etc... etc... she's attractive with a great personality... I'm 48... she's 47. She actually let it slip the other day that she recently paid off her bankruptcy.. I'm like "oh yeah? When?" She told me Nov 2022... and I'm like "mine was March 2022."

We ended up somewhat discussing our incomes and stuff... I recently filed my taxes for $99k... she showed me her HR Block report and it said she filed for $87k... I said to myself "well, at least I know if I end up hooking up with her long term that we will be able to live a comfortable lifestyle."

I already knew she didn't work a McJob but figured she'd be a bit lower... but nope. At any rate I'll return to this thread in a year and let people know what happened...

Well this post didn't age well.

In the year since I've went back with my long time on/off again girlfriend... and landed a job with a company in the Fortune 500 top 5... doubling my income.