topic Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me in Relationships and Money

Parents Demanding Money from Me

PhilL — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 12:05:57 GMT

Recently, due to my financial difficulties, which were made worse by the ongoing cost-of-living crisis, I had to move back in with my family. The area where my family and I live is a very high cost of living area.

My parents, both retired, demand that I contribute to the household’s finances as they claim their own difficulty.

They also demanded that I take over payment for a high-interest private student loan from my undergrad days, which they promised I would never have to repay.

I would be fine contributing, and I have contributed a lot in non-money ways, E.g., helping out with household chores, errands, etc.

However, their financial habits give me pause and concern about any monetary contribution. They both shop daily at high-end, expensive grocery stores like Whole Foods. My mother leases a high-maintenance luxury car that costs roughly $600 monthly.

They also have many subscriptions and other things they don't use, and they constantly order food and items from Amazon.

Despite constantly complaining about money, they have been very dismissive of my suggestions to change their spending habits, such as choosing less expensive grocery options.

They have also dismissed my suggestions to do things that wouldn't be painful, such as seeking senior property tax relief, having me mow the lawn instead of spending a couple of thousand on a contract or seeking lower car insurance rates.

Furthermore, I have a physically disabled sister who doesn't work and for whom my parents give anything without questioning cost.

I told my mother about my concerns about taking over a high-interest student loan payment, especially given their promises to me.

I offered to do weekly grocery shopping for them, but she rejected that and demanded I give them $300 monthly in cash instead.

Quite frankly, I feel like they are prying around my finances to see what they can shake me down for. Also, I feel like just giving them money doesn't solve the bottom line, which is that their post-retirement lifestyle is unsustainable.

Both have old-school public sector pensions, which most current government employees would kill for.

My mother specifically did well in the settlement of the estate of my late grandparents.

Despite all of this, I also don't understand why their finances are so bad.

Am I being unreasonable and entitled here? Or do I have a point?

Apologies for this rant, as I honestly don't know?

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

JoeRockhead — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 13:00:47 GMT

I can appreciate you trying to find an equitable and fair solution to help all parties involved. In the end, how, and what your parents spend their money on is completely out of your control, and they presumably look at it as none of your business. Is it right, or fair... That's likely a matter of one's vantage point, but as most people learn sooner, or later, things in life aren't always fair.

I obviously don't know the dynamics of your family, or your relationship with your parents. It's obvious they care enough to put a roof over your head, but perhaps they're putting these demands on you not because they're finances are really strained, but because they're disappointed, or even angry with you for, in their view, allowing yourself to get in to this position, and trying to teach you some sort of lesson. It really doesn't matter what the reasons are. Rather than saying you're coming off as entitled, I'd say instead that you're wanting the situation to be the most advantageous for you when it comes to getting your obligations/finances/life back in order. In reality, where else could you live for $300 a month?

Perhaps they'll see things differently down the road. Being they currently seem unwilling to agree to your version of compensation, or go along with the way you have planned things out, for the time being you really have no choice but to do your best with the hand you've been dealt. Keep your eye on the prize and do what you have to do, you'll get there.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

GZG — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 15:21:41 GMT

@PhilL wrote:
Despite all of this, I also don't understand why their finances are so bad.

Am I being unreasonable and entitled here? Or do I have a point?

Apologies for this rant, as I honestly don't know?

the answer above was the nice so here's the not so nice one:

so let me guess this straight

they're paying your ungodly student loans and they're giving you free rent

and you're upset giving them $300/month?

they could be taking your $300 and burning it in front of you and you should be smiling and saying thank you.

your other option of course is to move out, pay the full current market value for rent and go back to paying your student loans (or defaulting on them, are they the cosigners?)

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

FlaDude — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 16:00:17 GMT

This sounds more like it belongs on Reddit.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Slabenstein — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 19:04:43 GMT

If, for you to live under their roof, they are asking you to: 1) pay them $300/mo and 2) take over making the payments on your student loans, then do those two things if you want to live under their roof. Whatever else is going on with their finances is a separate issue.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

GreatLife — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 18:09:45 GMT

Every problem has a solution. How about refocusing your finance micro-management skills & efforts away from the parents and back to yourself? Determine actions and options that you can use to rent or buy your own roof. Good Luck!

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Varsity_Lu — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 19:13:12 GMT

If the title of this thread were changed to "Landlord Demanding Money From Me", would that change your perspective on the situation?

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Realist — Sun, 12 Jan 2025 15:21:04 GMT

Immediately I see the silver lining to this in savings.

How much was your rent/mortgage payment prior to moving back with your parents? What is the savings each month after the $300 they are asking for? I would utilize these savings to get personal financials in order, and then re-evaluate moving out again at a later time.

While the scenario of moving back home with the parents is not what we all hope for, this sounds like an opportunity, and not a punishment. While mom and dad can at times provide that added fall back shelter if needed, I don't believe that scenario one, where you lived initially before moving out, should repeat once flying the coup, and coming back for scenario two. Scenario two, we man up, or woman up, and deal with our realities in the current situation. This is how we learn to permanently fly the coup for good.

Every parent wants to see their children spread their wings, and to go out and plant those roots - for their own benefit. Some parents may charge rent. Others may simply charge to pay a bill or two. But so long as there is co-habitation, there should be financial contributions made along the way. Immediate family is welcome, but in scenario two, everyone should pitch in financially.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

DebbsSeattle — Sun, 19 Jan 2025 17:31:46 GMT

...or Quora.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

ptatohed — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 18:08:45 GMT

Two words: Move Out

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Seatac — Fri, 07 Mar 2025 13:39:10 GMT

@Phil to answer your questions. Yes you are behaving like an entitled little princess.

You did NOT HAVE TO move back in with them.

.you choose to live in a high cost area. Here's a solution....commute from a lower cost area, get a roommate, grow up.

As for that expensive loan? You changer that agreement and expectations when you moved back in...get over yourself. you got the education...it is your debt to them.. pay it

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

indiolatino61 — Sat, 26 Jul 2025 16:05:45 GMT

@JoeRockhead wrote:

I can appreciate you trying to find an equitable and fair solution to help all parties involved. In the end, how, and what your parents spend their money on is completely out of your control, and they presumably look at it as none of your business. Is it right, or fair... That's likely a matter of one's vantage point, but as most people learn sooner, or later, things in life aren't always fair.

I obviously don't know the dynamics of your family, or your relationship with your parents. It's obvious they care enough to put a roof over your head, but perhaps they're putting these demands on you not because they're finances are really strained, but because they're disappointed, or even angry with you for, in their view, allowing yourself to get in to this position, and trying to teach you some sort of lesson. It really doesn't matter what the reasons are. Rather than saying you're coming off as entitled, I'd say instead that you're wanting the situation to be the most advantageous for you when it comes to getting your obligations/finances/life back in order. In reality, where else could you live for $300 a month?

Perhaps they'll see things differently down the road. Being they currently seem unwilling to agree to your version of compensation, or go along with the way you have planned things out, for the time being you really have no choice but to do your best with the hand you've been dealt. Keep your eye on the prize and do what you have to do, you'll get there.

I read all the posts...yours was the only feather in a box full of sledgehammers...lol. As usual, your advice is sound, but sometimes a sledgehammer gets through easier.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

dfwxjer — Sat, 26 Jul 2025 16:07:09 GMT

Good Lord, did you mistake who moved back in with who?

If your parents came to your doorstep asking to move in, you may have a point.

But you were the one needing their help. What in the world makes you think you have any say in how they live? Swallow all of your misguided pride, and get back on your feet financially so you can resume having an opinion.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

TrapLine — Thu, 31 Jul 2025 14:05:09 GMT

The postings certainly have offered a number of views and/or perspectives.

My only comment to all this comes from my father, if you live under my roof you will live by my rules. Should this not be agreeable, leave. He meant every word.

Going back to my college days, my father informed me he was not going to pay for my attendance. He desired that I go but, firmly believed (in his view) that it would mean more if I went out and earned and scarped to get through. While I was somewhat taken aback, he did not ever bend. I did what he said and it was not an easy road. Suspect that was his intent ... instill the "puritan work ethic" in me ... ? Thought I had it?

Anyway, I followed his guidance and made it through with no debt owed to anybody.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Thomas_Thumb — Sat, 02 Aug 2025 14:32:23 GMT

This thread is getting old with no follow-up from the OP, PHIL.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Varsity_Lu — Sat, 02 Aug 2025 15:00:19 GMT

@Thomas_Thumb wrote:
This thread is getting old with no follow-up from the OP, PHIL.

Lock it up! Shut it down!

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

NoHardLimits — Sat, 02 Aug 2025 15:54:57 GMT

The OP is still active on the forums, just not on this thread.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

1lifeisworthit — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 00:33:19 GMT

OP, this is older now, and you haven't responded once....

So I'm throwing this out there, for you or for anyone else.

When I was in High School in the late 70s/early 80s, I read a book written in the 50s for girls about my age, but these girls were already married, and mostly living with one set of parents or the other set of parents....

Yeah, different times...

Anyway! I read a piece of advice that I've found helpful in other aspects of my life. It stated that it didn't matter if the parentals who owned the house you live it want you to iron sheets and you think that's the most ridiculous waste of time. Your landlord wants you to iron sheets. Be thankful for the easy ironing practice and look forward to your own home where you don't have to iron sheets.

This is the advice I offer to you. Be grateful for the adulting practice you are getting from your landlords, and look forward to changing "whatever" when you are in your own home.

It's a lot less conflict and you gotta do it anyway, am I right? 'Cause they ARE your chosen landlords.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

Yasselife — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 19:24:15 GMT

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable; in fact; you’re showing a lot of patience in a situation that sounds emotionally and financially draining. Wanting to help your parents is natural; but it also has to be a two-way street based on mutual respect and boundaries. If they’re unwilling to reduce their spending; dismiss practical suggestions; and reject your efforts to contribute in non-cash ways; then demanding $300 cash a month isn’t support; it’s pressure.

You’ve made it clear you’re willing to help; and you already are in many ways. But it’s fair to pause when you see wasteful habits; especially when their financial ask is based more on lifestyle preservation than real necessity. And if they previously promised you’d never have to repay that student loan; it’s completely fair to feel blindsided now.

You’re also dealing with additional weight; like supporting a physically disabled sibling; which adds to your responsibilities. That context matters; especially if your parents haven’t adjusted their expectations to reflect what you’re already carrying.

It doesn’t sound like you’re entitled at all; it sounds like you’re trying to set boundaries in a situation where those boundaries are being ignored. You’re allowed to protect your financial stability; especially when the requests are unsustainable or unfair. You absolutely have a point.

Re: Parents Demanding Money from Me

dfwxjer — Thu, 04 Sep 2025 13:12:42 GMT

@Yasselife wrote:
You’re absolutely not being unreasonable; in fact; you’re showing a lot of patience in a situation that sounds emotionally and financially draining. Wanting to help your parents is natural; but it also has to be a two-way street based on mutual respect and boundaries. If they’re unwilling to reduce their spending; dismiss practical suggestions; and reject your efforts to contribute in non-cash ways; then demanding $300 cash a month isn’t support; it’s pressure.

You’ve made it clear you’re willing to help; and you already are in many ways. But it’s fair to pause when you see wasteful habits; especially when their financial ask is based more on lifestyle preservation than real necessity. And if they previously promised you’d never have to repay that student loan; it’s completely fair to feel blindsided now.

You’re also dealing with additional weight; like supporting a physically disabled sibling; which adds to your responsibilities. That context matters; especially if your parents haven’t adjusted their expectations to reflect what you’re already carrying.

It doesn’t sound like you’re entitled at all; it sounds like you’re trying to set boundaries in a situation where those boundaries are being ignored. You’re allowed to protect your financial stability; especially when the requests are unsustainable or unfair. You absolutely have a point.

If the OP thinks they're being unreasonable, then they should get their own place where they can set their own rules. The OP is the one that is imposing by moving back in to stay in the expensive area, the OP is the one asking for help, and the parents shouldn't have to adjust their lifestyle because their entitled child thinks they should. They're retired and should be allowed to enjoy the retirement they worked for.

Meanwhile, the OP pays $700 a year for an Amex Platinum for the lounge access and travels frequently enough to warrant a premium travel card. https://ficoforums.myfico.com/t5/Credit-in-the-News/Wells-Fargo-Bilt-relationship-ending/m-p/6835072/highlight/true#M30413

This adult child is a joke and his parents are clearly just sick of dealing with the entitlement. If the OP has money to burn at airport lounges and traveling, then they can clearly handle their student loan payments. They're just choosing not to, and instead trying to micromanage their parents' spending. Trult pathetic.