topic Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!! in Credit Cards

Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:34:03 GMT

My BF of almost 20 yrs, is in a very tough situation. Her and her husband were $300.00 from paying off their debt. She has been wanting to leave him, but hasnt been able to due a horrible situation. She found out that her husband opened up a few CC charging up to 10k. She confronted him, and he will not pay them. What are the steps to get him charged for fraud for this.... She really wants to go after him?

She wants to press charges, she doesnt care what it takes...

Please help!!!! I really want to help her with this creep...

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

credit911 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:47:00 GMT

First thing she will need to do will be to contact law enforcement asap! I would also call the CC companies and let them know the situation. Put a fraud alert on her credit file to prevent this from happening again.

I would make sure he is prosecuted personally.

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

haulingthescoreup — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:47:06 GMT

She needs to file a police report before she can dispute the CC's as "not mine."

I think that she should first arrange for a safe place to go, with kids and pets, just in case. Have some cash as well. Safe place as in not your house, where he would probably come looking, but as in a shelter somewhere. This guy sounds scary, to have committed fraud like this, when they were so close to what should have been a common goal. What's going on in his life on the side that he felt to need to get all this credit?

Has she talked to a lawyer yet? Depending on her financial situation, she should either check out a family law specialist or find the local legal aid people (nearby law school, etc.)

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:56:51 GMT

He knows that if he was to put her in more debt, she would not leave him!!! Her horrible situation is that her son who is about two yrs old, gets seizures about 16 times a day, doctors cant control them. She cant work because she has to take care of him, and take him to therapy every day! Money is very scarce... She had mentioned that she did call the cops and that they told her that it would be very difficult to prove that he opened them. All along they are struggling for money, because he got fired! She finds CC that he has been living the great life with her CC, which is under her name!

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:59:44 GMT

mayra wrote:
He knows that if he was to put her in more debt, she would not leave him!!! Her horrible situation is that her son who is about two yrs old, gets seizures about 16 times a day, doctors cant control them. She cant work because she has to take care of him, and take him to therapy every day! Money is very scarce... She had mentioned that she did call the cops and that they told her that it would be very difficult to prove that he opened them. All along they are struggling for money, because he got fired! She finds CC that he has been living the great life with her CC, which is under her name!

Has she contacted the credit card companies? Even if they won't accept fraud report without police report, she can atleast report cards stolen so he can not use the ones he has anymore...

Unforutnately, given her situation, I don't see her proceding with charges against him. Does she have a relative she can live with to get out from under this overly controling and manipulating relationship?

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:07:49 GMT

She does, but he knows where her relatives are...I tell her to come to me to AZ, she is in TX. I will definetly tell her to call to make a report...I will see what I can do to help her, but I know if she comes to AZ the child could be reported as "kidnapped" UGGGGhhhh im so pist I can't do more for her!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions they are great!

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

jmbfl — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:10:25 GMT

She needs to:

1) Put an FA on her CR's and

2) Let the CRB's and card issuers know what is going on, and

2) File a complaint for identity theft/fraud, now!

She needs to do these things right away. She does not need the police's approval to file a criminal complaint. If she would prefer she could visit the office of the prosecutor and take it up with them. They may understand a financial crime a little better than the police. This is totally criminal and must be dealt with in the most ugently. It is called IDENTITY THEFT. It does not matter that the thief is a family member. If an abuse victim continues to accept abuse they are guaranteed of one thing: FUTHER ABUSE. If she does not act now it will be very hard for her to avoid future BK. I personally know someone who was victimized like this and it did end in BK. If you are a friend you will get her to kick it, NOW!

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:16:47 GMT

She did call the CC and they said that there is no way to prove that it wasn't her who opened up the CC. She also closed them. The one thing she hasn't done is call the credit bureaus and put an alert on it. I did mention for her to do that.

BTW he did open the CC's online...

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:59:33 GMT

mayra,

I have a lot of insight to provide because I left my ex with a 3 yo and an 8 wk old four years ago. I had nowhere to go. THe only thing I owned was the baby's crib and some clothes. No furniture, not even a fork and plate for us to eat off of, let alone an apartment!!!

The first thing she should do is get a counselor. She can go to the local Health Department and start seeing a counselor. This will be key in documenting his history of threats/abuse/stealing to protect her children later. The counselor will let her know where the local Battered Women's Shelter is. Then she should file a restraining order immediately, mentioning his fraud as well. Even though the CCCs will tell her she can't prove anything, FILE THE POLICE REPORT FOR FRAUD ANYWAY!!! It will be another strike against him and help protect you later.

Make sure she has her bags packed when she files, because she wants to be GONE when he finds out about it. Restraining order filed, bags packed, go to the Battered Women's SHelter. Tell her, PLEASE don't be afraid to go. I put off leaving for over a month and a half because I didn't want to live in some dirty gym with a bunch of homeless women. MOST ARE NOT LIKE THAT!! WHen I finally left, it was actually a gorgeous house on a quiet street, with beautiful grounds, amenities... and other women just like me. They provided everything for me and my daughters. It was more like a vacation at a retreat than it was living in a "shelter" because we were homeless!! IT's VERY different than a homeless shelter. And, because they are so dedicated to anonymity, SHE WILL BE SAFE there, as long as she does NOT contact him.

Once she is safely at the Battered Women's Shelter, she will have counselors and guidance at every turn. They will help her navigate healthcare for her child, help her find work and even provide her with business/work clothes if she doesn't have any. They'll help her get a lawyer to work through the divorce, and give her endless help.

Have her go to www.freecycle.org and sign up for the local chapter. There, she will be able to get furnishings for her ENTIRE HOUSE, FREE. I furnished my whole apartment -- from fold-out couch, to small TV, to dishes, lamps, pots, pans, sheets... EVERYTHING. It is like craigslist, only everything MUST be free.

She CAN do this. I left when I was 22 and had a newborn. Four years later, it's like a bad dream. If you need or want more advice and guidance on how to leave, and resources, PLEASE email me. I can PM you my personal email addy.

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 20:34:45 GMT

yes please email me ur ady I really want to get her all info necessary to leave this jerk!

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 20:37:23 GMT

Excellent advice all around.

I would emphasize that she needs to document all of this. Documentation is the lifeblood of any court case, and this whole matter is almost certainly going to end up in court.

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:25:07 GMT

ivyalmighty wrote:
mayra,

I have a lot of insight to provide because I left my ex with a 3 yo and an 8 wk old four years ago. I had nowhere to go. THe only thing I owned was the baby's crib and some clothes. No furniture, not even a fork and plate for us to eat off of, let alone an apartment!!!

The first thing she should do is get a counselor. She can go to the local Health Department and start seeing a counselor. This will be key in documenting his history of threats/abuse/stealing to protect her children later. The counselor will let her know where the local Battered Women's Shelter is. Then she should file a restraining order immediately, mentioning his fraud as well. Even though the CCCs will tell her she can't prove anything, FILE THE POLICE REPORT FOR FRAUD ANYWAY!!! It will be another strike against him and help protect you later.

Make sure she has her bags packed when she files, because she wants to be GONE when he finds out about it. Restraining order filed, bags packed, go to the Battered Women's SHelter. Tell her, PLEASE don't be afraid to go. I put off leaving for over a month and a half because I didn't want to live in some dirty gym with a bunch of homeless women. MOST ARE NOT LIKE THAT!! WHen I finally left, it was actually a gorgeous house on a quiet street, with beautiful grounds, amenities... and other women just like me. They provided everything for me and my daughters. It was more like a vacation at a retreat than it was living in a "shelter" because we were homeless!! IT's VERY different than a homeless shelter. And, because they are so dedicated to anonymity, SHE WILL BE SAFE there, as long as she does NOT contact him.

Once she is safely at the Battered Women's Shelter, she will have counselors and guidance at every turn. They will help her navigate healthcare for her child, help her find work and even provide her with business/work clothes if she doesn't have any. They'll help her get a lawyer to work through the divorce, and give her endless help.

Have her go to www.freecycle.org and sign up for the local chapter. There, she will be able to get furnishings for her ENTIRE HOUSE, FREE. I furnished my whole apartment -- from fold-out couch, to small TV, to dishes, lamps, pots, pans, sheets... EVERYTHING. It is like craigslist, only everything MUST be free.

She CAN do this. I left when I was 22 and had a newborn. Four years later, it's like a bad dream. If you need or want more advice and guidance on how to leave, and resources, PLEASE email me. I can PM you my personal email addy.

I wasn't going to get too in depth with my personal history, but if airing a little of my laundry might help your friend, I'm taking my chances. I too have been through a similar situation. While I did not go to a shelter, I also started over with not even a fork. It was just me and my at the time 2 1/2 year old son. I did not have a piece of clothing, a bed, a toy, plates, furniture, nothing. Once I told him I was leaving, he changed the locks and I never did gain access again. At the time free-cycle did not exist, otherwise I'm sure it would have helped me tremendously. I started out in a 1 bedroom apartment that I gave to my son and I slept in the living room on a futon couch. HE was the one not working and just when I was getting myself set up in my new place and finally starting to feel secure, he SUED ME for custody of our son. I found out later on that he had tried to get financial support/welfare and the only way he would be eligible would be to claim that our son was in his care. So he did. He lied and then the state lawyers came after me for child support. All the while I HAD been caring for my son! After a 2 YEAR battle and nearly $10,000 in attorneys fees later, I finally smelled victory when the case was closed and I was awarded full custody of my son. This did not come easy mind you, he accused me of everything in the book and I had been through the ringer, pyschological evaluations, social workers to my home, interviewing friends and family, it was awful. All because he wanted to keep living for free and score some free cash. It's amazing to me what people will do in their own greed. I cried a lot during this time, but never in front of the rat bast*rd. I was NEVER going to let him see me scared of him again. I fought and I fought and everything he tossed my way made me fight him 10x harder.

Fast forward almost 8 years later and I JUST paid off a utility bill from a place I never lived in for $247. I am still rebuilding my credit (the only negative items I've had due to my own negligence are a few medical collections that totalled less than $1,000 - but I let them go because he had messed up my credit so bad, I just felt like there wasn't any hope. Don't let this happen to her!) This was just one of MANY items he damaged my credit report with. I had wondered what this item was, it dated back to 2003 (we were 4 years over and done with by this time...and the jerk is still using my name...well sort of...) and when I called the collection agency they referred to me as "My first name - his last name". The kicker is we had never married and I did not use HIS last name. People like this never change, and they will continue to take you down to their unhappy miserable level until you wake up one day and decide you won't let it happen anymore. Let her read these messages, they maybe just the wake up call she needs.

She can possibly move out of state if she acts fast. My attorney originally told me I should have moved fast and furiously out of the state before he came after me first. Once you're gone, it's harder for them to bring you back, courts look at what's in the best interest of the children and often don't like to make them move again if they have just been uprooted. Also, some states have laws that say it's okay to move within a 100 mile radius or something along those lines, so she may have more protection than she thinks. She should go to an initial consultation with an attorney and do it fast. I know she is strapped for cash, perhaps her family would be willing to pay the hour for consult with an attorney. I assure you she will walk away with confidence she never had before and a lot more insight.

I was so lucky to have been referred to a female attorney that really sympathized with my situation. I was in a big city, her hourly rate was $250 hr and this was 8 years or so ago....She told me as long as I was paying her, she was fine with it. I think the ex pissed her off so bad at one point she didn't even care about getting paid, she just wanted to sock it to him. You better believe though, that this woman was the first person I paid whenever the bills went out. Even if I could only send her $50 that week or month, I made sure I paid her. Don't know you know that after 1 1/2 years, I had about $1800 left to go, she sent me a letter and a statement showing my balance was $0. She waived the balance of my fees. I am not a religious person, but I truly believe this woman was my angel and she was brought to me for a reason. I will never ever forget her for what she did for me and I think about her often.

Good luck. Your friend can BEAT this, she can BEAT him at his own game. She just HAS to want to. As long as she is afraid, he will continue to control her. She has rights, it's time for her to use them.

Message Edited by UpUpUp on 06-28-2008 05:25 PM

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:30:01 GMT

Oh, and I also want to add that I began to keep a journal of EVEYRTHING. Dates and times of incidents, telephone calls, lack of phone calls, threats, EVERYTHING. I can not tell you how much this helped in court. I kept cell phone records, had proof of calls he claimed he never made and had proof of all the calls he NEVER made when he claimed to be trying to contact me for months on end. Document, document, document. EVERYTHING!! If she can't keep it in the house, let her do it through email and send the emails to you. Then you can keep them for her. I was able to reference exact dates, times and incidents in court with specific details and he had nothing to back up his lies...

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

marty56 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:43:21 GMT

She needs to put a fraud alert on her CR and then file a claim with the CCCs that it's not her account. Also she needs to file a police report.

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:11:42 GMT

I really appreciate everyone for their imput, and most definetly for sharing your stories. I will forward this to her so she can see, that she is not alone. And that SHE CAN GET OUT OF THIS! God bless!

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:15:05 GMT

Yes, UpUp is right about the journal.

I got a journal and first started by writing down every horrible thing he had ever done to me, or the children, or our pets, that I could remember, including the names he'd called me/us. From there, I also went over all those incidents with my counselor, so they were in her notes, as well. Then I started writing down every date and time that he called or cussed or showed his face around me. The more thorough and unemotional she can be with her documentation, the better. In fact, I still have that journal to this day, just in case he ever steals another credit card (last time it was his GRANDMOTHERS) to buy a plane ticket to "visit" us... or heaven forbid he ever lose enough brain cells to try to request visitation...

My apartment was a $300/mo one-bedroom. I had both girls in the bedroom & I slept on the fold-out couch.. but it was MINE. And there were no holes in the walls. And I could keep my cash without him taking it. And my dog wouldn't be beaten to death. And on and on.

I emailed my yahoo address.

Also, have her join the forum at this website: http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder
Or at least surf silently and read other's stories and experiences. While not all abusive men have this personality disorder (my ex did ), all abusive men do tend to act these ways.

Re: Husband opened several CC under my name!!!

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 02:13:59 GMT

She will also get lots of education by reading on http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com