topic Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage? in General Credit Topics

Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:02:16 GMT

Most people here are obviously concerned about getting, and keeping, good credit. If you are becoming serious about someone to the point of combining your households or getting married, would you want a credit report with scores? I know it may sound bad but some people are not totally honest and I'd want to know what I was getting into. I would gladly supply mine.

I read an advice column once and the man wrote that his new wife is very financially responsible and he had lied to her all along about his finances and credit. His was really bad, including a bankruptcy, and he wanted to know what to do about it. The columnist basically blasted him for lying to her and especially about something that was so important to her. He had involved her in his bad situation without her knowledge or consent.

I've read that it is becoming more common for people to run backgroup checks too and credit history is one part of that. I have a co-worker that was getting a divorce and it wasn't until DURING the divorce that he found out that his wife had been married twice before, not just the once that he knew of.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:26:45 GMT

It wasn't necesary in my marriage, because we were together before either of us could even have credit, and we lived together about 5 years before we even got married. Heck i didnt care about credit at that time in my life anyway. (still recovering! ugh!)

God forbid I ever had to re-marry, I think I would share my credit report and encourage the same in return. If its a no-go, then I would move along. Its hard work diggin out of my own mess, and i dont intend to be digging myself out of a mess someone else created!! =)

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:55:16 GMT

Something like BK, judgments, tax leins, etc or large accounts I would want to know about. I don't know that I would ask for a credit report or credit score.

Marriage is not based on either of those things.

However, I would want to know about major past events that could jeopardize our future plans.

I would hope that I would know the person enough that I know these things just by our communication with one another, without specifically having to ask.

I am already married and knew my spouse had some major trouble about a year before we met. It was ok, it had been dealt with.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 05:02:59 GMT

No, marriage is not based on either of those things but, on the other hand, a major cause of discord and divorce is financial matters. Love is one thing, blind trust is another. Is it any different than having a pre-nup agreement to protect each person's interest? Is that cold hearted or being realistic? If someone I was serious about refused to supply this information then I can only assume that there is something to hide. If a woman refuses to sign a pre-nup and accuses her partner of not trusting her then she is not seeing that he may need this as a form of reassurance that she loves him. Is the act of asking for information showing a lack of trust more so than the act of refusing to grant it? Love doesn't mean blind trust but it does mean that when your partner needs information and knowledge to allay concerns, about any aspect of the relationship, then that knowledge should be given freely without resentment. From an article I recently read on loving and respectful relationships...

"It is undeniably clear that genuine love does not demand complete trust without inquiry, test, or proof. A healthy relationship produces spouses who are more than happy to comfort and prove the amount of love they hold for their partner until there is complete clarity on whatever subject for which the questioning party needs the explanation and reassurance."

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:10:05 GMT

Yep. I made DH & I both sit down & look at both our credit reports. It was for a couple reasons:

1. In my first relationship, I didn't do this, and the guy had horrid credit. He knew it, and since I'd just turned 18, he took advantage of me by encouraging me to use MY credit to get things for him/us.

2. I wanted my future husband to know what he was getting into & why it was so bad (21 medical bills on my CR!!)

3. I wanted to see how he handled mistakes in his finances. He had two options: blame it on everyone else, or take responsibility and decide to fix it with me. Lucky for him, he chose the latter option

I didn't care if he had bad credit, I only cared on how he planned to handle it, and if he was willing to change with me.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

marty56 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:48:32 GMT

How about this. MartyMatch.com We match you on 10 dimensions including FICO scores.

Marty at end of first date:

Gee, Marty you are so funny and you had a shot with me until I say your 733 EQ score and my cut off is 760. Sorry dude.

Wait, I say, i'll do a PFD and a couple of GW's for you.

Marty at proposal night:

You want to see my CR and FICO score, fine. I got this little pre-nup I need you to sign and that AU on my CCs aint gonna happen. Fair is fair.

My soon to be ex-finacee replies:

But Marty, if you love me you' wont male me sign this pre-nup and let me be an AU on your card

I would be more interested in how a potential spouse got and kept her nice clean CR.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:27:41 GMT

I choose the show me your scores and reports avenue. Fell into that trap once, and I won't be dong it again. We didn't live together beforehand, so there was plenty that was being hidden. Horrid credit, previous car repo (several years before we met) and basically just bad bad bad financial skills. His answer to everything was..pay it late or not at all..doesn't matter...I don't care about that stuff..years...and yes I do mean years behind in child support (though he was always broke because he SAID he was paying child support)..and after I threw him out, I found out he had taken out several loans during the marriage that I knew absolutely nothing about and was having mail sent to a P. O. box in the next town over...Yeah so I figure I was dumb to not check all that out beforehand, and to take his word for things. By the way, the car he was driving while we were together, has also since been repo'd. I am so glad I got out.

So yep..I vote for checking out the financials AND the credit reports FIRST.

Message Edited by ObsessedwithmyFico on 06-03-2008 01:27 PM

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

marty56 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:58:19 GMT

Yeah I get people want to be with people they can count on and how you manage your money is important.

But lets be honest, to those people here how ever wnet to a dating service or did something like Match.com, what would you think about a person who's add contained things like

Person must have a clean credit report or high FICO score. No baddies under 2 years old.

Message Edited by marty56 on 06-03-2008 10:58 AM

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

marty56 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:01:05 GMT

ObsessedwithmyFico wrote:
So yep..I vote for checking out the financials AND the credit reports FIRST.

As long as someone will answer questions like did you do a PFD, GW or SOL or pay someone to clean up your report.

I feel the complete picture is required.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:08:38 GMT

Of course you should insist on seeing it. Marriage is the most important FINANCIAL decision you will make in your lifetime. Why go into it with one eye closed?

I didn't do it and I totally regret it.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:26:18 GMT

I'm not saying one has to be perfect, but put the truth out there and let me decide if I want to deal with it. Be aware of your credit status, the goods and the bads and attempt to fix all that which is not good . As the old folks used to say...what is done in the dark, comes out in the light. I'm sure that was meant for other situations, but I think it also applies here.

Ivy....I think it's great they way you handled things with hubby...

Message Edited by ObsessedwithmyFico on 06-03-2008 01:26 PM

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:17:59 GMT

Sidenote....after the marriage fiasco..I dated a guy I have known for years..but never had any reason to know his financial situation. It was always..."baby can you help me out". Then the biggie...He called and asked if I would buy a car for him and let him pay me since his credit is busted. I said NO!! BUT I will help you fix your credit so you can buy your own car. He declined the offer..So...relationship OFF...Ain't going there again....

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:18:54 GMT

Can you guys tell this is a sensitive subject with me? lol

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:13:56 GMT

Here's another thread on this issue:

http://ficoforums.myfico.com/fico/board/message?board.id=ficoscoring&thread.id=21201&view=by_date_ascending&page=1.

Here's my history:

Ex-H: I checked nothing. Luckily, all I lost in that debacle was my life's savings. My credit was not affected.

Ex-F: I checked his CRs. Saved me from making a big mistake. The $10k in debt he claimed he had was actually $50k, but more importantly, it wasn't a priority for him to do much about it.

DF: I checked his CRs as soon as the relationship became remotely serious. I never checked the FICO score; it's irrelevant. He didn't want to look at my CRs; he knows I'm a credit geek. But we did disclose salary and exchange a list of assets and debts, and the lawyer is preparing a prenup.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:31:57 GMT

posted by frugal on another thread and I so agree:

seems that most of the replys on this subject is PRO for knowing the others scores in a relationship. If my ex girlfriend had known my score, I don't know if she would have supported me. However, I had to do a lot of growing up to do and face up to my responsiblities. It wasn't fair to she, most importantly....ME.

It's amazing that when purchasing a new car (which is relevant on this site), one will ask every question about a car that will hopefully last up to 10 years before trading it in. However, when it comes to someone you want to be with for the rest of your life, asking ONE important question about ones FICO Score seems to be taboo to some. Why is that?

Every ones advance and/or comment- I can learn from or can relate to. Eventhough, I've never been married...I do feel knowing each others Scores and spending habits can cause less stress in a relationship- if both have a knowledge on improving finances together. Love is great, but it doesn't pay at the gas pumps with a high APR on Gas cards...nor should

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

marty56 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:32:00 GMT

Why does it seem like the guy who will help the girl out never meet the girls who ill help the guy out.

In the past, if you put me in a room, I would pick the girl who would use me the most.

Being with someone who has the same values is very important. The trick is to fgure out what they are.

If I waa single and it waa early on the relationship, I might bring up in the converstation about credit monitoring and views on credit in general. My sister was dating, meet this guiy once who told her he loved cats. My sister, an avid cat person, asked him about his cat and because she was a lawyer, was able to detrmine he probably was lying but she needed reall proof so she invited him over to her apartment. He assumed they would be alone and he was going to get lucky/ He got lucky alright. barely made it out of her aparment after she meet my sisters cats and his allergy to them kicked iin.

My point is that if we are serious about our credit, and everyone here is, we would be able to observe it in others by how they use and protect theirs. That informatiuon may not always be found in their report and could be explained by someone who is good at lying.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:39:26 GMT

marty56 wrote:

My point is that if we are serious about our credit, and everyone here is, we would be able to observe it in others by how they use and protect theirs. That informatiuon may not always be found in their report and could be explained by someone who is good at lying.

I love the cat analogy.

The paragraph above begs the question which I think was raised in the other thread:

What if someone has good credit because they were very successful with PFDs, GWs, and the sorts of tactics we are not allowed to discuss on this board? Should they disclose it?

I'm just throwing this out there for discussion ...

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:46:14 GMT

Marty...Marty..Marty..

I am the girl that would always help the guys out...until it appears they are doing nothing to help themselves because they feel I will always "pick up the slack"...So now...I am so tired of picking of the slack of slackers...I am viewed as "rich" (that's funny) because I always always pay my bills on time, and really do whatever it is I want to do. If I want to go somewhere, I go. Hawaii...Jamaica, Mexico...because I don't waste money on toys...I have no need for toys. no children at home...I pretty much do whatever I want because I am careful with my money and my credit. I have no issue helping out until I feel you are taking advantage of the situation (well now I do because I have been taken advantage of one too many times). So I'm to the point where I want something for something..If you have nothing to offer..I have nothing to give. This is not a greedy attitude, it's a survival attitude..If I give to everyone that keeps asking for help, I won't be able to help myself..and I am tired of playing the fool for somebody that gives a rats ass about their own situation.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

marty56 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:52:57 GMT

To me, the problem isnt so much say with a PFD for example as to what happend to to the person to get there and whatr the view about it.

IMHO a person who fell on some hard times through no fault of their own and had say a medical collection is quite different then someone who just decided not to pay an account thinking the creditor would just go away. Also my friend whose soon to be ex-wife got a joint account into collections before he realized that happend offers a PFD to the CA to get ride of it.

Re: Would you want a credit report when considering marriage?

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:54:07 GMT

And by the way...If you put me in a room full of men..I will pick the brokest one with the most children and the most issues...hands down...