Hello, I just wanted to share with you that I understand your situation with the credit card debt. I have been there and still am. I also went to a debt consolidation group. Unfortunately, this did not stop some of my creditors. I have had two to go to National Arbitration Forum, one threatened to go to court, but I was able to come up with a settlement before we did. What I have found is that, I can negotiate with them as well or better than the debt consolidation/management groups who are supposed to be professional. I actually had one creditor agree to drop $18K for a settlement of $6K. Which is much better than the professionals were doing.
Also, I was told by the Credit Reporting Agencies and my mortgage lender that bad credit items stay on your report for 10 years. This is the same as Bankruptcy, but you have to pay. NOW, my mortgage lender also respected the fact that I was trying to pay, to the bank this was better than Bankruptcy. I was able to get a mortgage at 6.75%, with a credit score of 560 and $60K on credit card debt still outstanding. The bank looked at my entire situation, not just my score, which will help me out in the long run, because my mortgage record will help offset my credit cards.
Basically, I am trying to say that you can try any of the routes, bankruptcy, debt consolidation, individual negotiation, the bad credit stays for at least 10 years anyway. Don't be discouraged, you can get through this and come out on the other side in a better position.
I am sorry about your tragedy. People often don't understand what leads us to severe financial situations, desperate people make desperate decisions. As long as your intentions are right, you will come out of this okay. I tell myself this everyday!