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I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

wb2florida
New Visitor

I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

I'm 34 years old and still have zero control of my finances.

 

When I was 26 I bought a house with my girlfirend at the time and put about $25,000 personally into it.  7 years later it hasn't sold - it was actually a great investment, but my name isn't on the title, we've since split, I'm not willing to go after her and I'm dealing with the consequences.  I put debt on top of debt, paying off renovation expenses, rolling costs onto credit cards etc. - my debt figure at last look was is probably $38,000.

 

I just went into get finaced for a car - lease is expiring - and was turned down.  I hate to put it like this, but how is this my life?  I've spent years and years with this underlying stress and anxiety and literally the only thing that has kept me from breaking is that I've had so many friends end it.  I've seen the devasation, but I'm geting so exhausted of being a fraud, of having guilt for owing money, of not being able to even tell close friends that I'm not like them - I just can act like them in public.

 

I went in to see a banruptcy attorney and then when my family and now wife found out they were furious and convinced me that I couldn't recover from a chapter 7.  With the amount of debt I have I don't see how I could reasonably impact it in any relevant time frame.  It seems like every opinion on this that I read is different.  Others have told me to negotiate payment plans.  Others ay bankruptcy is what to do.  Others say I can't do it during a lease.

 

I don't know if I really have a question here, want others experience, or just want to write this down as a confessional.

 

I'm just so, so tired. 

 

Message 1 of 7
6 REPLIES 6
enjoimorenow
Frequent Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

Well you have to look at your finances and determine whether or not you can realistically pay off your debt.  What is your income?  How much can you put towards debt every month?  What are your interest rates?  Do you have expenses that you can cut out?  Without this info it's hard to give any advice.

 

You can definitely recover from BK.  It will take time and planning but within a couple of years you will be fine.  The BK will stay on your report for 10 years but it's not as if you will not be able to get credit during that time if you do things properly.

 

And yes you can BK during a lease.  You can either give up the car or reaffirm the lease if the lender is willing to do so.

 

What I would consider is how soon you could pay off the debt and how much stress that would put you under.  For example, if you would have to cut a ton of expenses and would be scraping by to put $500 a month towards your debt, then it would take you 76 months to pay off your debt, or nearly 6.5 years.  This is also assuming that all of the debt is at 0% interest which is unlikely.  Is it worth suffering for that many years or would you be better off just filing BK and moving on with your life?  You have to assess your situation and make a decision. 


BK 7 Scores (12/2016): EQ-528. TU-486. EX-530.
Current Scores (11/2017): EQ-671. TU-665. EX-669.
Goal for 2017: 650's. - made it!! next stop 680's. www.cartkingz.com
Message 2 of 7
Sebastian503
Established Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

 


wb2florida wrote:

I'm 34 years old and still have zero control of my finances.

 

When I was 26 I bought a house with my girlfirend at the time and put about $25,000 personally into it.  7 years later it hasn't sold - it was actually a great investment, but my name isn't on the title, we've since split, I'm not willing to go after her and I'm dealing with the consequences.  I put debt on top of debt, paying off renovation expenses, rolling costs onto credit cards etc. - my debt figure at last look was is probably $38,000.

 

I just went into get finaced for a car - lease is expiring - and was turned down.  I hate to put it like this, but how is this my life?  I've spent years and years with this underlying stress and anxiety and literally the only thing that has kept me from breaking is that I've had so many friends end it.  I've seen the devasation, but I'm geting so exhausted of being a fraud, of having guilt for owing money, of not being able to even tell close friends that I'm not like them - I just can act like them in public.

 

I went in to see a banruptcy attorney and then when my family and now wife found out they were furious and convinced me that I couldn't recover from a chapter 7.  With the amount of debt I have I don't see how I could reasonably impact it in any relevant time frame.  It seems like every opinion on this that I read is different.  Others have told me to negotiate payment plans.  Others ay bankruptcy is what to do.  Others say I can't do it during a lease.

 

I don't know if I really have a question here, want others experience, or just want to write this down as a confessional.

 

I'm just so, so tired. 

 


 

 

+ just "my" response / opinion, and I do NOT expect anyone to be either supportive of it, or advocate positively about it.  Just "my" unique opinion.

 

 

Let me see if I understand some things correctly.

 

1.)  You bought a house, but you are NOT the owner?

 

2.)  You sought professional legal advice on your DEBT situation, but your Family & Wife objected to you choosing a Solution?

 

       * Did your Family or Wife offer to pay your debts in full on their own?

 

       * Did your Family or Wife offer to purchase a replacement vehicle?

 

 

         * * *  let me apologize in advance for this question?

3.)  What part of your life are you allowed to live? choose what you do?  make decisions? 

 

 

4.)  For things to actually change, and become different, at some point you will have to acknowledge in detail to your self (at least) What has actually happened, why the choices were made, and going forward how you would have to conduct your life, how difficult those choices will be, and that your current relationship with Family & Wife might be altered permanently, and never be the same again.  * to include, them not being in your life going forward.

 

  * You can choose to decide who you are, and what you want to be and do going forward.   You get to make all of the decisions.  Other's only get to react to it.

     - Given what  you posted above, I am quite sure that it will NOT be popular with many people currently in your life.

     - But you get to make a life defining decision regardless of your choice going forward.  Simply reading this you are making a decision. It will qualify as either active or passive. 

     - But the decision is totally your own. Others only get to react to it, not make a decision for you.

 

     - From this moment on will not be easy, but that is the life you have already been living / experiencing, isn't it?

 

 

Full Disclosure.  I "chose" to do a Bk.  The means test had me on the line for a 7 or 13. Legal counsel said it would be a 7. I didn't care, I just needed a solution. Loss of job, subsequent health issues, one doesn't dream to have life unfold in a non-positive manner.  The Bk 7 had to become a 13, because attorney tried too hard to make it a 7.  What am I to do?  I needed a solution, life & health wasn't good, I just needed to recover from the current situation.  I had to get from point A to point B. The pain, humiliation, exhaustion, and difficult process was secondary to the challenge I had to resolve & conclude.  I did it on my own, by myself, without telling anyone or asking for help.  I still live in the same area, do the same things, go to the same places, and am the same person, but I am different now.  Myself and my health come first, period. I do what I choose to do, not what other people want me to do. I am in my own orbit, and I am living my own life, and nothing else matters. It is my life, and my choices, I am not looking for anyone's approval or friendship. If new friendships develop, fine.  I am a self-defined entity, and I have already made all of my changes.  There isn't going to be any changes to accommodate anyone.  I have already made my choices and changes.

 

If you happen to have any questions, that is fine.  However, I don't live on her 24/7, so an immediate response is not possible.

 

Best Wishes going forward.

 

 

 

05/03/16 Fico 8 Scores: EQ 546, TU 501, EX 548
09/01/16 Fico 8 Scores: EQ 662, TU 628, EX 657
10/04/16 Fico 8 Scores: EQ 692, TU 665, EX 686
01/15/17 Fico 8 Scores: EQ 706, TU 670, EX 687 * all Yellow / Good
Message 3 of 7
medicgrrl
Valued Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

If you give us more information, we can try and help you. Great thing about forum's is the fact that they're anonymous 😀.

What was the reason for the denial on the auto loan? Are you paying your bills on time? Are you borrowing from Peter to pay Paul? If you're able to pay your bills but just aren't getting the debts down, go post all of your information on the General Credit forum and there are some great people who can help you come up with a plan.

If you're not able to pay your bills because your debt is to high in comparison to your income then maybe BK is the route you need to go. Ignore your parents, this isn't their life and it's not their decision. Definitely talk to your wife because it affects you both. If she thinks BK isn't necessary, give her all the bills and ask her to come up with a written plan to pay them off in the next 36 months. Sometimes a pair of fresh eyes will help.

There is life after bankruptcy but it's not a decision to take lightly. If you have the income to pay off the debts, that's the best route. If you don't, BK is a tremendous stress relief when you've been getting calls from collection agencies etc.

We're here to answer any questions and help in any way we can!!


EQ 778 EXP 782 TU 729
Message 4 of 7
BearsAndTurtlesRtheBest
Senior Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

I 100% agree with Sebastian. You have to look into what will make your life easier and happier. All of us who have filed for BK have learned our lesson and understand the headaches when having debts that are out of our control.  We also had friends who didn't agree with BK, but hey its our life/decision not theirs. Its been close to the 1 year since our discharge and everything is slowly but surely falling in place. I wish you the best!
Discover IT $2,600- First Premier MasterCard $1,000- Dillards Store Card $300- Fingerhut Advantage $200
Chapter 7 BK Dischagred on 07/11/16. Gardening Since 01/17/2019
Message 5 of 7
elish2
New Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

Everyone makes good points here. Sitting down and looking at what you have vs. what is owed and if any kind of payment plan is feasible is a good idea. It is possible to negotiate with credit companies for lower interest rates/payment plans. Explain the situation, "I want to pay you, but the current payment is impossible for me". When I hit a rough patch, I was able to negotate a 0% interest rate for 6 months with one credit card company. It may not be across the board, but it is possible. Keep talking to the bosses boss until you hit the person who can help you.

 

Of course your wife should be kept in the loop of things, but Bankruptcy does not necessarily affect her credit, if that is her concern about why she is mad, you should talk with the attorney about what of hers may and may not be affected (like joint accounts maybe). In some cases it is possible to file BK without including your spouse.

 

I just wanted to say that you are the one who will ultimately decide what is best for you. It is ok to seek advice from those around you, like your parents, but it is not ultimately their decision, they are not the ones totally invested in the situation. Maybe there is some lack of information or understanding about what happens with BK which is causing their reaction?

 

There are always ways to rebuild. My husband declared BK due to medical bills many years ago and we have worked together to build credit. I added him as authorized users on my accounts and slowly worked things up to get him some secured cards that we put his phone bill on since we paid that off each month anyways. His credit score has come from a low 500 almost to a 700. It takes time, but if you put in the effort, you can always come back, just learn from the past to grow for the futrue. It may seem like a mountain to climb, but as you can see from reading the many examples in these forums, you can do it.

 



2016 FICO 642
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Current Score: 785
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Message 6 of 7
stellar
Established Contributor

Re: I don't know what to do, or if there is even a point

You have some financial issues, and this forum will give you great advice on the best ways to handle that.

 

But then you have some emotional problems side.  I really think you need to talk to a therapist to figure out that part:  I'm sure losing friends to suicide didn't help.  When you say you're just tired, that sounds like you're just emotionally exhausted with life overall.  Please talk to a professional.  If you need help finding someone affordable, just ask.

 

Alot of us here have gone through similar financial and even emotional issues and there is def a better future if you work towards it.

Message 7 of 7
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