cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Estimate your FICO® Score range for free

FICO® Score Estimator

Auto Loans for ANY Credit Situation. Immediate Response.
Advertiser disclosure
Contributor

How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

I am 21 years old, I make roughly $50k, I definitely lean towards the frugal side. I live well below my means and invest and accumlate liquid savings into an interest bearing account with intentions of having a 20% down payment on a house three years from now. I have no debt besides a year left on a auto lease, I use credit cards as debit cards to earn cash back, to have fraud protection and to build credit, I have never paid interest on a credit card. 

I try very hard to avoid being involved in financial conversations with co-workers because nearly everyone I work with is just beyond terrible with their finances, however I also want to help. So I try and offer advice, however my advice isn't valid due to being a 21 year old kid who doesn't have a clue... ok.... well according to the information above I'm doing okay. Or people will ask me how much money I have and I never throw numbers, I just say enough for what I need it for and then I start getting grilled about how saving is important, then I assure that I have plenty saved, then it's "oh must be nice"... ok.... I guess I really want to help people with improving their finances if I can, but then I end up looking like a bad person or that I am LUCKY because I am financially sound, when in reality I earned it... thoughts???

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 1 of 47
46 REPLIES 46
Established Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Haters gonna hate.

Shrink your circle of acquaintances.

I heard a quote: Look for the GOOD in people because good or bad, you will always find what you're looking for.
Some people seek to elevate themselves standing (with cleats) on the backs of others. If they can't find a reason to look down on you then it can make them angry and or suspicious.

Shrink your circle of acquaintances.
When dealing with idiots, just pretend to be fascinated by everything they say and then walk away.
Starting Score: EX 641 TU 631 EQ 669
Current Score: EX 714 TU 718 EQ 713 (EQ9 735)
Goal Scores: 750


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge




Message 2 of 47
Valued Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Something I've learned along the way is to never give advice unless somebody specfically asks for it, and they really want to listen and learn from you, or at least consider what you have to say.   Most people's questions are rhetorical in nature -- they don't really care what you have to say, they already have their own opinion.

 

Money is one of those personal things that's really up to you and your spouse and those involved in your personal finances -- like your boss or investment adviser or your banker.

 

Seriously, how people handle money and their many opinions on the topic are similar to discussions about your sex life or your religion or your politics.   You will almost always find 50% of the people who see things differently than you do and you are unlikely to change their view unless they come to you and ask for help.

Good for you doing all this at age 21.   When you're 35 and own a decent house that's mostly paid for, drive a five year old economy car that's paid for, and you have established and funded college funds for your kids and have fully invested in your retirement accounts and personal investment accounts, those friends will come back and want to know how the heck you did it.

Just tell them, "I'm happy with the choices I'm making.   I hope you're happy with your choices too."   And then change the subject to something else.

FICO 08: EX-698, EQ-732, TU-705 - [8/2/2019]
FICO 09: EX-748, EQ-775, TU-748 (8/2/2019)
Mortgage: EX-737, EQ-712, TU-748 - [8/2/2019]
NFCU NavChk 15K | NFCU Visa 50K | CapOne Venture Visa 50K | CapOne Savor 30K | Barclay Aviator MC 12.5K | Discover It 32K | Alliant 3% Cash Back Visa 25K | Penfed Promise 20.5K | BECU CLOC 10K | DCU Visa 10K | BofA AK Air Visa 5K | Apple (Goldman) MC 6.5K |
Amazon Prime 10K.
276.5K Total Revolving.
Alliant Car Loan 16K/31K
BK 7 Filed 8/23/2013 - Discharged 11/27/2013.
Message 3 of 47
Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Boom, perfect thank you very much. That was a very helpful answer!

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 4 of 47
Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@XtraCredit wrote:
Haters gonna hate.

Shrink your circle of acquaintances.

I heard a quote: Look for the GOOD in people because good or bad, you will always find what you're looking for.
Some people seek to elevate themselves standing (with cleats) on the backs of others. If they can't find a reason to look down on you then it can make them angry and or suspicious.

Shrink your circle of acquaintances.
When dealing with idiots, just pretend to be fascinated by everything they say and then walk away.

I love this, I am very stubborn when it comes to people making dumb decisions. i.e; a guy I work with is 26 married with a kid and makes the same money I do, finances EVERYTHING, looks at everything in life as a payment. Still lives with his parents and is confused on why he can't get a loan for a house and I used to say oh ya you shouldn't have a $55k truck and a $15k ATV and go out gambling twice a month and he would endlessly justify all his unnecesary spending and I'm like okay this conversation is going no where and neither is this guy. I am going to have to keep repeating this quote to myself from now on Smiley Very Happy

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 5 of 47
Established Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

It's not necessarily about being 'right'. It's about knowing when to walk away from an unproductive conversation.

Keep managing your own wealth and let the results speak for themselves.
Starting Score: EX 641 TU 631 EQ 669
Current Score: EX 714 TU 718 EQ 713 (EQ9 735)
Goal Scores: 750


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge




Message 6 of 47
Super Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

...and good for you for "getting it" at 21 years old!

 

 


Last inquiry 31 January 19. Going for Gold!

Zero percent financing is where the devil lives...
Message 7 of 47
Valued Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@800who wrote:

...I am very stubborn when it comes to people making dumb decisions. i.e; a guy I work with is 26 married with a kid and makes the same money I do, finances EVERYTHING, looks at everything in life as a payment. Still lives with his parents and is confused on why he can't get a loan for a house and I used to say oh ya you shouldn't have a $55k truck and a $15k ATV and go out gambling twice a month and he would endlessly justify all his unnecesary spending ...

Hmmm. The title of your OP is: "Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound" (the underline added by me)

 

Yet in this post you cite an example of you shaming a coworker. 

 

So are you just looking for forum members to validate your sense of superiority towards others you work with? 

 

 

Starting Score: (5/24/2018) -- FICO 08 EXP: 643; FICO 08 TU: 642; FICO 08 EQ: 677
Current Score (6/24/2019): FICO 08 EXP: 726; TU: 744; EQ: 700
2019 Goal Score: 800 across the board


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Message 8 of 47
Frequent Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Good on you for being ahead of the curve. As for everyone else? A good natured person will want to help because we want everybody to make it but there's the portion of the general public that thinks they're doing fine when in reality they could be doing a lot better.

Personally, I don't even waste my breath on anyone anymore because what happens to them has zero effect on my life. I'm here because I want to be financially better.
Message 9 of 47
Moderator Emeritus

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

mainemade you ask a really good life question. The posters in this thread shared information that applies to the bigger world of life.

 

Something you may not hear often and that is living in the circle of life, you can only control yourself! It took me way to long to learn this and once I accepted that fact, things became easier.

 

Not everyone thinks or acts the same. So what may be really simple for one person is a whole 'nother issue for someone else. Biting my tongue was difficult but it was required.

 

Think about this as your life will be much easier and you may have to "live and let live". Like a parent practicing "tough love" and letting their child fail.

 

Wish you the best on this as it is not easy to do. Smiley Happy

Starting Score: 000
Current Score: 850
Goal Score: 850


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Message 10 of 47
Advertiser Disclosure: The offers that appear on this site are from third party advertisers from whom FICO receives compensation.