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How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

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Established Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Kudos to you for caring enough to try and share positive financial information from your own experiences!!! I went through something similar after learning about credit later in life. After starting to make better credit decisions and getting positive results, I wanted to voluntarily share this wealth of information. Feeling as if I could help others around me with the knowledge I'm learning and only wish I was given at a younger age. I started talking about credit scores and such with my friends and coworkers. I found out quickly, what other members above have said first hand.

 

My suggestion to you is to continue your credit learning and to manage your finances accordingly. As it seems you are already doing 👍🏻 and only when someone approaches you for advise, is when you give it. Although it is often easier to see the bigger picture from the outside of the bubble, the acceptance of your information is often better received when requested. It may be hard to watch someone fail, but unfortunately, that's a part of life!   Smiley Happy

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Message 21 of 47
Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

Conversations come up and people ask me... I don't go around bragging about anything...  I never said or assumed I knew it all or thought I was better than anyone else. Yes everyone has unfortunate events, however I am more aiming at a sterotype of people who believe the world is unfair... for example if they took out a student loan for a degree that didn't have a high supply of jobs for instance... a lot of people will blame other people and don't believe they should pay their loan because it's expensive or they couldn't find a job... people put themselves into unsound financial situations just result of poor decision making, I'm not saying oh it's someone's fault if they have some unexpeceted life event and it winds up being a giant financial burden...

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Message 22 of 47
Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

He would say for example he doesn't know why he cannot get a mortgage and I explained it to him... he doesn't have a full grasp on how mortgages work. I didn't mean it in a demeaning way or anything other than simple explaination to his question. I do not believe I am better than anyone by any means.

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Message 23 of 47
Super Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@SouthJamaica wrote:

@SouthJamaica wrote:

@800who wrote:

I am 21 years old, I make roughly $50k, I definitely lean towards the frugal side. I live well below my means and invest and accumlate liquid savings into an interest bearing account with intentions of having a 20% down payment on a house three years from now. I have no debt besides a year left on a auto lease, I use credit cards as debit cards to earn cash back, to have fraud protection and to build credit, I have never paid interest on a credit card. 

I try very hard to avoid being involved in financial conversations with co-workers because nearly everyone I work with is just beyond terrible with their finances, however I also want to help. So I try and offer advice, however my advice isn't valid due to being a 21 year old kid who doesn't have a clue... ok.... well according to the information above I'm doing okay. Or people will ask me how much money I have and I never throw numbers, I just say enough for what I need it for and then I start getting grilled about how saving is important, then I assure that I have plenty saved, then it's "oh must be nice"... ok.... I guess I really want to help people with improving their finances if I can, but then I end up looking like a bad person or that I am LUCKY because I am financially sound, when in reality I earned it... thoughts???


My advice is

1. avoid such conversations

2. don't offer unsolicited advice

3. don't tell people your business

4. be less judgmental... being "financially sound" doesn't make you better than

anyone else

5. remember that being "financially sound" is partly luck

6. at 21 you haven't been supporting a family... that can often make people

who are "financially sound" a lot less "financially sound"... so don't think you

know it all... you don't

 


Oh, and by the way, how could people know you are "financially sound" unless you've been bragging about it.

Which leads me to advice bullet point no. 7:

 

7. Don't brag about it, (a) because it's not nice to brag and (b) because you are but a single misfortune away from being less "financially sound".


Nailed it. All it took was 1 extended hospital stay to wipe me out. Both savings and credit.








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Message 24 of 47
Super Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

I stay intentionally vague when money comes up. It's a little tough because I was known in the family for having money and good credit. I wasn't rich by any means, but compared to everyone else in the family, I was Scrooge McDuck. When they come around asking about my finances, I know it's just a matter of time before they hit me up for money. I just play dumb and say my accountant handles it (I don't have one) and I can give them their number if they need help. Conversation usually ends there.








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Message 25 of 47
Established Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:

I stay intentionally vague when money comes up. It's a little tough because I was known in the family for having money and good credit. I wasn't rich by any means, but compared to everyone else in the family, I was Scrooge McDuck. When they come around asking about my finances, I know it's just a matter of time before they hit me up for money. I just play dumb and say my accountant handles it (I don't have one) and I can give them their number if they need help. Conversation usually ends there.


LoL... That sounds like something I may start saying... 🤔

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Message 26 of 47
Super Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@HighAchiever wrote:

@Brian_Earl_Spilner wrote:

I stay intentionally vague when money comes up. It's a little tough because I was known in the family for having money and good credit. I wasn't rich by any means, but compared to everyone else in the family, I was Scrooge McDuck. When they come around asking about my finances, I know it's just a matter of time before they hit me up for money. I just play dumb and say my accountant handles it (I don't have one) and I can give them their number if they need help. Conversation usually ends there.


LoL... That sounds like something I may start saying... 🤔


tenor (4).gif








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Message 27 of 47
Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

I've offered advice to my friends & family, but I've learned people are comfortable doing what they're already doing even if it is inefficient.

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Message 28 of 47
Valued Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound


@800who wrote:

I am 21 years old, I make roughly $50k, I definitely lean towards the frugal side. I live well below my means and invest and accumlate liquid savings into an interest bearing account with intentions of having a 20% down payment on a house three years from now. I have no debt besides a year left on a auto lease, I use credit cards as debit cards to earn cash back, to have fraud protection and to build credit, I have never paid interest on a credit card. 

I try very hard to avoid being involved in financial conversations with co-workers because nearly everyone I work with is just beyond terrible with their finances, however I also want to help. So I try and offer advice, however my advice isn't valid due to being a 21 year old kid who doesn't have a clue... ok.... well according to the information above I'm doing okay. Or people will ask me how much money I have and I never throw numbers, I just say enough for what I need it for and then I start getting grilled about how saving is important, then I assure that I have plenty saved, then it's "oh must be nice"... ok.... I guess I really want to help people with improving their finances if I can, but then I end up looking like a bad person or that I am LUCKY because I am financially sound, when in reality I earned it... thoughts???


There's several threads already going on in Personal Finance and Relationships/Money that arrive at the same conclusion: you can't fix stupid. Your best approach is to stop trying to help those people and just let them burn on their own. Financial immolation has its own way of educating irresponsible fools.

 

You just keep doing you and save away. Trust me when I say those people eventually come around and figure out you're doing something they aren't and become genuinely interested. My experience has been it usually starts turning around when you do something like pay cash for a car nicer than theirs or pay cash for a home. It spawns questions of how you did it, and it's then they become receptive to listening.

 

In short, stop trying to evangelize and instead just keep doing sound financial things. Your actions will attract willing listeners, not your words.

Message 29 of 47
Community Leader
Super Contributor

Re: How do I deal with people shaming me for being financially sound

OP is hardly the only one proselytizing here 

Entire series of Judge Judy had less judgements than this thread

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Message 30 of 47
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