Very serious personal matter

[Np1791]

Hi everyone. Wish I was coming here to ask a more cheerful question but my life right now is a bit of a mess if I’m being honest. Recently broke up with my girlfriend of six years. And just a few days after my parents get in a fight where thing for physical between my father and myself. He is now gone and out of the picture and I will have to pay for the bills here at the house including rent if I want us to survive together. For reasons my mom doesn’t work and she is a homemaker. I have two little brothers who I love and I would give anything for. I can let everything go. Credit cards and one car and free up enough cash to pay for rent. I would still pay my one car as I need it for transportation to work. My question is if I do that, what would happen to me and my wages? I would stop paying all credit cards which have significant balances and one auto loan which I’m two years in. Would they try to garnish my wages? I’m in California by the way if that helps. Please don’t judge me I need help.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. 

Unfortunatly, just simply walking away from debt obligations rarely solves financial problems in the long term. I’m fairly certain that California allows wage garnishment by creditors that have obtained judgements. If your debts are high, it’s all but certain some (if not all) will eventually come knocking. 

The only suggestion that I have is to have your mom look into available social services that may offer her some financial assistance and lessen the burden on you. 

Good luck. 

[Remedios]

First, I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation. It's quite unfortunate

OP, if you decide to "let go", you will "solve " one problem and create several others.
You stated your mom is homemaker and does not work. While I wont state the obvious here, difficult choices need to be made in situations like this.
She could babysit from home.
Anyway, that also implies she has limited or no credit of her own.
If you completely ruin yours, life becomes exponentially difficult. If anyone needs to buy a car, rates will resemble payday loans.
Renting at a different place may result in application being denied. Utility companies may not extend services without significant deposit.
That's just a few examples. Life with bad credit is tough, and leads to even worse situations. Soon you'll be in payday loan land trying to support extended family without the means to do so.
While your intent is noble, your plan won't work for the reasons you stated in your OP.
No one can tell you if defaulting on your obligations will result in litigation. If it does, wage garnishment and bank account levy are common form of collecting on such debts.
Should you find yourself in that situation, you'll be even less in a position to help your family.
Also, you stated your cards have significant balances, so it would appear your problems started much earlier than your current situation.

You should try and help, but in ways that make sense long term and for everyone involved.
That may require some adjustments on your mom's part, at least till the worst is over, but also on your end too.
Cliches such as "second job, budget, cut everything unnecessary" actually may work here, because you've offered very little in terms of trying to find a different way of handling this.

I'd strongly caution you against entertaining this as a viable solution for either helping your family, or thinking this will get you out of the debt. It's not and it wont.

Good luck and I hope you find some kind of resolution

[Anonymous]

Hey Np1791, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this awful situation. I have been in similar dire straights and I think you will find there is a lot more help out there than you realize.

You and your mom need go to your nearest DSHS office and apply for EBT benefits (food stamps) and see how much cash assistance your household qualifies for. THe fact that there are 4 of you means that there shoudl be fairly substantial benefits available. Now, it won't be eough, but it will help.

Next, find out which food bank(s) in your area you are eligible to go to. SInce your mom is homemaker, she gets to be in charge of this. If she is too ashamed of the stigma to go to a food bank, then she needs to get herself a job. Are your younger brothers old enough to stay home by themselves if your mom works? I know from personal experience there is absolutely nothing fun about goign to food banks or eating off them, but this can substantially reduce your grocery budget, by as much as hundreds of dollars per month and it's clearly needed in this situation.

Many states have programs to help with utilities for needy families. Like it or not, you currently fall into this category. I plead with you, do not let your pride keep you from taking advantage of these services. Just because you *can* squeak by on your own if you go about things the way you're suggesting doesn't mean it's the most wholesome long term solution for your life. Your younger brothers are watching you; you are their role model. Do not show them the way to get by in life is to fall on the sword, or they will do it themselves years down the road and won't listen when you try to stop them. Instead, show them there is no shame in accepting help when you're down--the more help you and your family receives, the sooner you all can get back on your feet.

Your local food bank is typically a wealth of resources on other benefits your family probalby qualifies for. Assistance with utility bills, free or cheap medical, hygeine items for free, job leads and training for your mom if she's open to anything. I beg of you, use as much of these services as you can.

Other ways to stop the bleeding include reducing major expenses like the phone bill, getting rid of cable, etc. Sounds like selling one car is the very first thing to do, and that will reduce the car insurance. 

Look, what you want to do is admirable, but unnecessary. There is help out there so that you don't need to sacrifice your future. You deserve to receive these services--this sort of situation is EXACTLY why they exist. I was homeless and super low inome for years due to medical matters beyond my control, and had I taken full advantage of the services available to me I would have sprung out of htat a lot sooner than I did. There is ZERO shame in this.

Keep paying minimums on your cards, sell the car, take your mom with you and you both go full out in seeking services. Do it for your brothers' sakes. If your mom's gonna homemaker full time, she's gotta slash the budget to the bone. This transition is going to be rough on everyone but you WILL make it through. This is not all on your shoulders. Reach out a hand and let yourself be supported. It won't always be enough, but it will help, and if you keep taking one step at a time you will find one day that you are looking back at the worst of it and you'll know you're gonna be okay.

[Jnbmom]

@Np1791 

I am so sorry that this is happened to you and your family, I know you want to do everything in your power to take care of your mother and your siblings and that commendable and you are a very caring son, I hope my children have that kinda of compassion for me.

I think you need to sit down with your mother and see what plan you can come up with and see what services are available to her and your family. May I ask if your mother is aware what you are planning to do? I know you need to help your family but I think you need to try to figure out a way where you can help but not totally destroy your well being.

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

Remedios is right, you need to look into other options. If you're sued and a judgement is brought against you, they can go back to the court for garnishment and are allowed to take 25% of your pay.

[SouthJamaica]

---

@Np1791 wrote:
Hi everyone. Wish I was coming here to ask a more cheerful question but my life right now is a bit of a mess if I’m being honest. Recently broke up with my girlfriend of six years. And just a few days after my parents get in a fight where thing for physical between my father and myself. He is now gone and out of the picture and I will have to pay for the bills here at the house including rent if I want us to survive together. For reasons my mom doesn’t work and she is a homemaker. I have two little brothers who I love and I would give anything for. I can let everything go. Credit cards and one car and free up enough cash to pay for rent. I would still pay my one car as I need it for transportation to work. My question is if I do that, what would happen to me and my wages? I would stop paying all credit cards which have significant balances and one auto loan which I’m two years in. Would they try to garnish my wages? I’m in California by the way if that helps. Please don’t judge me I need help.

---

If you don't make your payments you will be in a world of trouble for many years to come. Yes they will obtain judgments and engage in judgment enforcement, such as wage garnishment. And if you don't make your auto loan payments they will take your car within a few months.

[CreditInspired]

As everyone else has said, this is a very harsh situation to be in and I’m so glad you came here for some advice. 

So first things first. Just because father left doesn’t mean he can forego his financial responsibility. The first thing I would be doing is taking my mom to an attorney. (There are legal services for those with no/limited income). She should be able to get child support and alimony since she’s been a homemaker. 

And then as others have said, reach out to social services. This is not your burden to shoulder alone. 

GL2U

EDIT: And if all else fails, IMHO, filing BK is better than wage garnishments, judgments, suits or just walking away. But no question, filing BK should be a last resort. 

[Anonymous]

---

@CreditInspired wrote:

As everyone else has said, this is a very harsh situation to be in and I’m so glad you came here for some advice. 

So first things first. Just because father left doesn’t mean he can forego his financial responsibility. The first thing I would be doing is taking my mom to an attorney. (There are legal services for those with no/limited income). She should be able to get child support and alimony since she’s been a homemaker. 

And then as others have said, reach out to social services. This is not your burden to shoulder alone. 

GL2U

EDIT: And if all else fails, IMHO, filing BK is better than wage garnishments, judgments, suits or just walking away. But no question, filing BK should be a last resort. 

---

Great advice here!

Also, remember that while this is an incredibly emotional time for you (and your family), it’s important to do everything you can to avoid letting that emotion dictate your response to the issues at hand. 

Others have been in this situation before and there are resources out there.

[Anonymous]

This is an unfortunate turn of events, a double whammy of emotional stress topped with a new role of responsibility. As others have said walking away from those bills will not help in the long run, they'll just pop up at an even more inconvienent time. As well has long lasting negative affects on your CR, that will hamper your ability to help your family for however long this situation lasts.

I also gree that your mom should look into any assistance that's available to her, if in the event she really cannot work at all. Which she should be able to in the interim, until the father is force to pay his share. Just because he's gone doesn't mean he's off the hook from providing for his family. You should not be 100% responsbilbe for this situation. Wanting to help out is fine, but not at the expense of your life and needs. Not when he's fully capable. 

Depending on your personal financial burden, maybe just pay minimums on CC until you get past this hurdle. Also try selling the 2nd car, as well as start cutting out unimportant expendatures wherever you can. 

I hope that you are discussing this fully with your mom though, this is a lot to take on at your age. 

I wish you the best in this tough time, and hope you find the resources to assist you.