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help with elderly finances

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Anonymous
Not applicable

help with elderly finances

My grandmother is 73 and lives with bipolar, which she usually is very manic. She has an extreme spending problem, and purchases a lot of things on tv, as well as sends out her money to any charity that sends her mail and asks. She is constantly over drafting, even with overdraft protection because purchasing over the phone bypasses the protection. She receives $1800 a month and her rent is $575 a month, so she should not have any problem with her finances except her inability to manage them. and it's impossible to try to tell her she's doing things wrong, she blames everything on the bank. Is there any way to get an account for her that won't allow her to go over her balance, limit or not allow her to make purchases on the phone? Or is it sort of like she's an adult, you can't make her be financially responsible? She buys literal junk and knick knacks and nothing that actually improves her quality of life. Last month she was told she was entering to win a cruise that ended up taking over $1200 from her. Don't know where this post should go, any input would be appreciated.
Message 1 of 7
6 REPLIES 6
UncleB
Credit Mentor

Re: help with elderly finances


@Anonymous wrote:
My grandmother is 73 and lives with bipolar, which she usually is very manic. She has an extreme spending problem, and purchases a lot of thingsontv, as well as sends out her money to any charity that sends her mail and asks. She is constantly over drafting, even with overdraft protection because purchasing over the phone bypasses the protection. She receives $1800 a month and her rent is $575 a month, so she should not have any problem with her finances except her inability to manage them. and it's impossible to try to tell her she's doing things wrong, she blames everything on the bank. Is there any way to get an account for her that won't allow her to go over her balance, limit or not allow her to make purchases on the phone? Or is it sort of like she's an adult, you can't make her be financially responsible? She buys literal junkandknick knacks and nothing that actually improves her quality of life. Last month she was told she was entering to win a cruise that ended up taking over $1200 from her. Don't know where this post should go, any input would be appreciated.

I am so sorry for your dilemma... unfortunately short of major legal action (which isn't certain) there's little that can be done.  What you can do is find out if there's a way to 'opt out' of the courtesy OD with her current bank... if I'm not mistaken, banks are supposed to be required to now allow you to opt out of this, at least for one-time transactions (for some reason, recurring transactions aren't part of the requirement).  This will at least curb her being allowed to use the debit card for more than she has in the bank.

 

Sometimes in situations like this, you actually have to let the person get to 'rock bottom', and when they come to you for assistance, place conditions on your assistance that will help them get their spending under control.  Until this happens, she's likely to respond with 'righteous indignation' at any effort to tell her how to spend her money... however once she's using your money (or somebody else's) it will be difficult for her to argue.

 

I wish I had more to offer... hopefully others will have additional ideas.

Message 2 of 7
tacpoly
Established Contributor

Re: help with elderly finances

 

If I understand you correctly, she is using her debit card for these purchases.  You can convert her debit card to a regular ATM card so that she cannot use it like a credit card (I believe she would still be able to use it to make in-person purchases by entering her PIN).  You can also remove overdraft protection as well as decouple her savings from her debit card so she would not be able to spend more than what she has on her checking.  You can also do automatic transfer to savings from checking to reduce the balance on her checking account.  I've done all these with my accounts to limit debit/ATM card liability after all the security breaches so it is possible...however I don't know if you can do it for someone if they don't agree to it.  You might need to be assigned a power of attorney for your grandmother.

 

As an aside, is she making all these purchases solely because of her being manic or is loneliness a factor?  Some elderly fall prey to these solicitations / selling because they are their only interaction with "other people".  Maybe having her more active and involved with friends and family would help.  This, of course, would mean more involvement from her family...including you.

 

Message 3 of 7
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: help with elderly finances

Some great advice here.

 

The only thing I can add is a bipolar money management solution I once heard someone set up for herself. She has a separate checking account specifically for her manic episodes, and basically treats it like a savings account when not in a manic state, budgeting funds into it. Then when she's manic she has something to draw from to relieve her spending urges without financially devastating herself.

 

It should be noted that this person came up with this idea on her own, she's the one who recognized that a change was needed and implemented this based on what would work for her. Your grandma doesn't sound like she's recognizing the issue or looking for solutions, or very interested in helping herself. When the individual in question isn't looking to help themselves then unfortunately it's a matter of either obtaining power of attorney to run their finances for them or simply step back and let them be the adult and ruin their own life. Smiley Sad

Message 4 of 7
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: help with elderly finances

thank you all
Message 5 of 7
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: help with elderly finances

I have experience managing my mothers finances, she hit rock bottom, houses in foreclosure and whatnot, and it just isn't nessery to get that bad, people aren't going to self adjust from those spending behaviors, they need help. I would sugges making two accounts, one you can put all the bills on auto paymens and things that are budgeted fort, and another for her funny money that she can spend on what ever. 

Message 6 of 7
UncleB
Credit Mentor

Re: help with elderly finances


@Anonymous wrote:

I have experience managing my mothers finances, she hit rock bottom, houses in foreclosure and whatnot, and it just isn't nessery to get that bad, people aren't going to self adjust from those spending behaviors, they need help. I would sugges making two accounts, one you can put all the bills on auto paymens and things that are budgeted fort, and another for her funny money that she can spend on what ever. 


I agree that it shouldn't be necessary for it to get as bad as foreclosure, but for some folks it takes something that drastic to serve as a 'wake-up call'.  Unless you pay attorneys and get a judge to declare someone incompetent, you can't take over their finances unless they allow it.  Even with a Power of Attorney, you are only allowed to sign the other person's name - they are still able to act for themselves if they are around (I've done this for military relatives a few times).  Also, a Power of Attorney can be withdrawn with a stroke of a pen if the person who granted it chooses to do so.

 

It really comes down to how cooperative the relative is willing to be.  If they want - and accept - assistance, it's much easier to "save them from themselves" than if they are adamant that they are doing fine.  You really have to have a 'light touch' when it comes to telling an older person how to spend their own money, even if it's for their own good.

Message 7 of 7
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