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Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

New Member

Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

Hi - new here, I hope this is the right place.  Cliff's notes:  I fell in love with someone who I now know is undiagnosed borderline personality disorder.  I have been ill and focused on keeping my job (which once paid VERY well, now just well) and let her handle the finances. Well, she screwed me and has been planning an exit.  She left her files here mixed in with mine and she has YEARS of chargeoffs/collections/etc. I never knew about.

I have three or four cards MAXED out at around $100k - all in my name of course.  This is my main focus.  (I also have cars I can't sell because I'm upside down, one of which I had bought for her; who knows how many consumer debts/phone accounts/etc.).  I am almost certain Chapter 13 is the only way out. 

But what do I do in the meantime?  She stopped paying in March - I know I owe at least $7k like yesterday.  I can't even log in to the accounts because she won't give me the passwords (she did the bills and took her laptop).  Should I call the companies and explain?  Ask them to close the accounts?  Let them run into collections?  Some of them obviously are big enough where I would be sued.  My score is already DESTROYED - it's like in the 440s.  


Thanks Smiley Sad

Message 1 of 8
Community Leader
Senior Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

Sorry about your current situation OP. You need to contact an attorney, like pronto. If she's opened things in your name, file a police report, place fraud alert on reports, along with freezing them.

Message 2 of 8
Established Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

First of all @JohnSMosby welcome to the myFico community. We are glad that you joined us and the folks here will give you a boatload of info to consider.


I'm sorry that you found yourself in this situation and just know that many have had similar experiences and are now on the other side of it and are building strong profiles. IMHO, I would do the free consltation with a BK attorney tomorrow and find out if you can do a Chapter 7. If the means test allows, you will be on your way to putting your financial life back together within the next few months. Let them advise you regarding 7 vs. 13 and see what the best fit is for your situation.


I know you'll be fine and thrive when this is in the rear view mirror. Please keep us updated as to what way you decide to go and we will all be standing by to assist with your rebuild. Take a deep breath. Aloha my friend. Smiley Wink 

Message 3 of 8
New Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

First things first, put a lock on all 3 credit bureaus. IMMEDIATELY.


Then, go through your credit reports and call every single credit card that you do not recognize and let them know that this card was opened fraudulantly.


Third, call the police to file charges for fraud, identity theft and actual theft. If she opened cards without your knowledge and you want to fight the charges, you need a police report legally. 


Fourth, call a lawyer. You may need 2 - one to handle actual charges (although the state or county, depending on where you live) may pursue charges and you will just be the witness/victim. That would mean you don't need to pay for a lawyer as the prosecutor would go after her. You may also want to talk to a BK lawyer, but I would hold off on that until you do the other 4 things I outlined.


I used to work in LE/Courts and actually know a lot about this. 


I wish you luck. Please get on this today. If you were truly the victim of identity theft, then you may be able to get these off your credit report and limited to no cost to you (but it is an uphill battle and you need to document everything - every date and time you call creditors, etc, who you spoke with, what was said).


Please report back on how you are doing. It is possible to resolve this, so do not lose hope, but it is a slog.

Message 4 of 8
Frequent Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

It seems to me that this is a possible case of identity theft/fraud? I'd consult a BK attorney and a consumer attorney immediately. If those accounts were opened without your consent, this could constitute identify fraud. You'd need to freeze your reports, add a consumer statement regarding identity theft, file a police report and consult an attorney, yesterday. 

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Message 5 of 8
Legendary Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

You can, if either the account was opened by another without your authorization, or transactions were made without your knowledge, use the FCRA identity theft process as set forth in FCRA 605B to address only the credit reporting implications of the identity theft.  The advantage of the identity theft process is that you can get credit reporting of information that occured due to identity theft blocked from your credit report based only on your sworn assertions of identity theft wihtout need of legal proceedings to actually prove identity theft/fraud.

That mandated filing of a police report, and sending it to the CRAs.


However, the identity theft process under FCRA 605B is not a legal process that proves the assertion.

It permits removal from your credit report, and may result in investigation by law enforcement, but that is not assured, particularly when the other party is a spouse.


I would advise two tracks.

First, immediately file a police report and take advantage of the removal of the information from your credit report without need of proofs.

Second, contact a lawyer with the view towards bringing civil action against her, and thus getting alll the facts and obtaining a binding legal determination in your favor.

Message 6 of 8
New Member

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

Thanks for the replies.  Sadly these accounts were all opened in my name and she was an authorized user.  I was ill, totally distracted by my illness/divorce/my job, and let her handle the finances.  


Well, it turns out that was a Very Bad Idea.  There is no fraud per se, just her lying to me that everything was fine and under control when it was not.  I am finding out I am the the only sap she has done this too, but the other saps cut her off.  I was just very vulnerable at at the time and after therapy built of the courage to start pushing back.  By then it was too late.  So now I need to handle this crap she left for me Smiley Sad

Message 7 of 8
Established Contributor

Re: Crazy ex has ruined me - what's my next step?

The situation happens in different ways to many, many folks. You certainly aren't the first person to trust a loved one with finances and have it go very wrong. Filing for BK is an option that will stop the phone from ringing and let you have some well deserved peace. If you meet the means test for a Chapter 7 and can file soon, 2021 will be a lot brighter and you will be in control of your rebuild. Sure it will take a bit of time but this community is here for you and it will be a lot easier than you can imagine. Please let us know if you decide to visit with a BK attorney and we are all here to support the journey!

Message 8 of 8
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