Hi all. I tend to post long messages, and I apologize in advance. I just want to vent a little and hopefully receive a tiny bit of empathy. Just to soothe my spirit.
Background: Back in 2011 I started my first rebuild. Three years prior Life had sucker-punched me, kicked me in the teeth, shot me and left me for dead (my family had died). By 2011 I was clear-headed enough to pull myself up by bootstraps and "get on with my life." I rehabbed defaulted student loans and started paying off collections. Come 2013, I had paid off and cleared all deliquencies from my credit report. Opened American Express BCE, Bank of America 123 (Signature), Barclaycard Rewards, Barclaycard Apple, Capital One secured (then Capital One Quicksilver Rewards, Signature), Chase Slate (closed in favor of Chase Freedom), Discover, and PayPal Credit. Was doing well.
Then I made the mistake of allowing an AU access to all my credit, over $30,000 for emergency use. He promptly used it and left me with bag. By 2015, I was on my way to South America to do a volunteership. My income was reduced to $500 a month. Naturally, I was unable to keep up with payments. So I defaulted on Barclaycard Rewards, Cap Quicksilver, Chase Freedom, and PayPal. I managed to keep AMEX and Bank of America. I closed with $0 Barclaycard Apple and Discover. This was 2016, now.
So I knew I would have to rebuild (again). So I added a Merrick Bank unsecured to pad my utilization while paying down AMEX and BOA. Have been volunteering since 2015, never returned to USA (lots to do here). I kept up my agreed upon payments.
Fast forward to a few short months ago: paid AMEX in full and settled the debts with Capital One, Barclaycard, Chase, and Paypal. Collections removed, only the CO with orginal creditors show in my report. So far so good. Right back to a fairly clean slate, just gotta manage my credit cards well and wait for the CO to be removed in a few years (if GW meanwhile does not work).
Next step: add a few secured cards back to help restructure my portfolio (which was reduced to AMEX, BOA and Merrick). Merrick was just rebuild help and the $35 AF could be put to use elsewhere. So I applied for this month and was approved for secured cards from my credit union and Capital One ($1000 each). Citibank secured pending.
All seems well, right? So what's the problem? This: after all this hard work clearing up someone esle's debt (NEVER AGAIN!!), and planning to be in a position to buy a home in 3 years. I got notified that I owe $25,000 to my university because I did not complete my master program (that I had enrolled in online while in South America and just could not endure along with the stressors I dealth with daily here).
See, I had borrowed for the Perkins loan and did not realize quitting would result tin the finanacial aid already paid to my school being returned to the government, thus putting that tuition on me to pay out of pocket. I had taken two semesters in 2016/2017 and the school only notified by snail mail about this sityation--snail mail I did not receive because, well, I am not in the USA. And I do not have family. No one is there monitoring my mail. I have very few friends--and only 1 lives in USA. (The rest are in Canada, Colombia, Ecuador).
I found out because the collection agency has no qualms about contacting me through the email and phone number on file. So this news just hit me one week ago.
I have no means to pay $25,000 in student debt (on top of the $100,000 I already owe and pay on). I felt crushed. Even if I return to the USA today, I would be going back to a homeless, jobless situation. So I am searching for work now to have a job waiting. Until that comes through, I can't return (at least here I am not homeless, even if I am poor).
That is it. End of story. My life has been a cluster$#%&/ since I was a kid. I somehow beat the odds and surviced without going to jail, selling drugs, committing crimes of any sort. Somehow managed to get my bachelor's degree (only one in family and after they all died). Thought I could improve my hirability when I get back to the States with a masters degree to accompany 5 years of volunteering (that the was committment I made).
Well . . . 2020 is almost here and my committment is up. And what's waiting for me? $125,000 student debt, $25,000 of which will be in the COLLECTIONS status if it hits my reports. Goodbye home, goodbye any idea of an easy life. I am too old for this. Literally. I will die of natiural causes before I get anywhere close to paying off $125,000 in debt accruing crazy interest every month.
Thank you for reading.
No really, you can do it. You've already endured so much and paid back more debt than most could, or would even try. Your strength and tenacity will carry you through. Sometimes, it feels like you can't sink any lower, but life has a way of proving you wrong. Now, you just need to take your life back. Tell us more about yourself. What do you do, what are your degrees in? Where would you like to move to? I'm sure there are people here that can help you out.
Thanks Brian. Yes, life has a way of showing you things could be worse, lol.
Me: I just shy of 50 years old, with a bachelor degree in English and TEFL certification. I volunteer as an EFL teacher and youth mentor in South America. I work with vulnerable populations who can use English to get better paying jobs (like call centers) and open academic avenues for them. I have worked with vulnerable youth and education all my life, either as a mentor or program coordinator or development coordinator securing funds to keep after-school education programs afloat. I am a budding writer trying to focus on putting out some well-written, self-published works to bring in some extra cash (longshot, I know). I worked briefly in my youth with a major newspaper when I was studying to become a journalist, so my editing and writing skills are pretty good. I take on private tutoring occssionally to add money to my savings, and went to China to teach at a private college to earn money to pay off my debts (I hated it, but they paid for housing and my a high salary). I was glad to get back to my students in South America (and it feels good to be wanted somewhere). I considered going to Saudi Arabia on another money-run, which if I stuck it out could net me $20,000. But, after long deliberation (this was even before the $25,000 bombshell), I realized it would be too stressful and isolating for me to prosper. <mod edit> I tried to get in with online teaching, but I get turned down. I do have an interview lined up for online tutoring that may bring in some extra cash, but not much. We will see if they accept me.
And, on a more personal note, my emtional well-being is not always running on my A game. I lost my family at once, biut after years of nursing them and that destroyed me. I have not been the same sicne amnd it has been over ten years now. So these burdens sometimes feel too heavy and it takes a lot of pep-talking and re-affirming myself to get tasks done (except when I am helping others; my energy is boundless there, but it does not reward monetarily).
Well, luckily, writing doesn't require much monetary investment. I would try checking out not for profits in regards to employment. It sounds like you enjoy helping people and there may be something out there that will allow you to continue while getting paid for it. You may be able to freelance as an English tutor near some University. We have a highly regarded medical school here that has a high population of students where English isn't their first language. That type of service is wanted and the students are well off as they're sent here for school and then go back to their country. There's also companies that offer translation services, both verbal and written. That could be an option. Do you have a blog? Maybe you should create one to highlight your experiences, work, and writing for any prospective employer.
As for your emotional well-being, everyone needs to be picked up at some point. It's natural. But, if it's something that lingers or may be unhealthy, reach out to someone trained to help people in those types of situations.
Good luck and keep us posted.
@UncleB wrote:Quick reminder: https://ficoforums.myfico.com/t5/User-Guidelines-General/5-Things-We-Don-t-Talk-About/td-p/336929
Got it. Thanks.
Thank you guys. Yes, with patience, I will survive this. But it is a very discouraging predicament to find oneself in: constantly on the edge of "success" only to be pulled back. Coming from my economic background and environment, it was a miracle I made it out alive and this far. To know this could permanently delay my goal (after all, my life expectancy based on family history is low), is quite depressing.
But my emotional mental state is not one that needs professional help. I am not maladaptive and my moments of depression are quite normal and to be expected. Thanks for that suggestion. Believe me, I am not against it. I used it weekly until 2013. By then, I was "cured" lol.
Nonprofits is actually where I have spent my career. Unfortunately for me, I have been out of that field as an employee for 15 years. I left the workforce to care for my terminal family members and created an e-commerce business to make ends meet. From there, I had several years of recuperation after my family died, then back I came to South America (as I promised my dying brother I would, because I'd put my life off to care for them). My resume, for that reason has a huge gap, especially as people seem to disregard the period where I managed my own retail business online.
So it has been hard to get bites back in the US since all my recent experience being employed or supervised by someone esle has been in EFL/ESL. I am trained in grant writing, but I haven't been invited back to that for years (I sent resumes out regularly to keep my options open).
The good thing is that I have my savings to survive here through March 2020. That won't stop that collection. And honestly, if it comes down to my mental or emotional health vs debt, my health wins every time. Poor and healthy and is better than poor and unhealthy, lol.
Thanks guys. I will keep exploring options.
