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Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

New Member

Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

My ex was a shopper and often changed jobs.  I dont like to pass blame but honestly, most of our debt stems from him.  Over 12 years of marriage we managed to rack up over 45k of credit card debt, plus we own two houses (we rent both out) one is underwater, and I have about 40k for student loans.


About a yr ago we decided to end things. My ex divided our bills.. for some reason giving me about 6k more of the debt then he took for himself. I could not pay any of it.. I was a stay at home mom and was having issue finding work..only get about $800 unemployment which is ending soon. My ex pays nothing to me. My ex up and  moved to Cali.. first thing he did was take out a 20k loan for a new car, then a 2k payday loan (I guess he figured to get his loan in before he tanked both our credit scores)... THEN what he did was began to take our renters money.. but instead of paying the mortgages he used the money for himself (so we are currently two months behind on mortgages)... My score at the beginning of this was around 670.. now its barely 550.


Im not really sure WHAT I can do. We are having MAJOR custody issues.. so I doubt the divorce will be final anytime soon. And our temp hearing isnt for two more weeks.  I am still looking for work.. still not paying and now to make matters worse.. my old crappy van died and I now I dont have a car and no way to get a loan.


I want to file bankruptcy after we are i honestly feel I have no more options.. but what IF ANYTHING can I do now???  Nothing has been divided in court yet.. and why go through the trouble of disputing items that he may end up responsible for? 

Message 1 of 11
Valued Contributor

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

Oof.  Hang in there?


Sounds like it's a rough time, and probably won't be done for a bit, but I suppose the only solace you can take is knowing long term you don't need to keep compiling mistakes on top of mistakes.


I assume you are joint on all accounts?  It would be pretty important to organize what you are definitely responsible for.  If he has access to anything else with your name on it, you need to find a way to freeze it at least.  I'm sure other people can give you more experienced advice, but good luck, stick with it.

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Message 2 of 11
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Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

In addition to granting the divorce, the primary role of a judge in granting a divorce decree is to rule on an equitable distribution of both assets and debt.

The spouse does not have the authority to "divide up" either.


I hope you have a divorce attorney.  Have you signed a marital separation agreement that agrees to the distribution of debt after the disolution?

You will be asked at court if you have agreed to distribution, and the judge will decide whether the agreement is equitable.  It appears as if you have no such agreement?

You need to get your issues before the judge at your divorce hearing. 

Message 3 of 11
Regular Contributor

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

Oh my, definitely will be in prayer for you all. Have you considered reconciling?



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Message 4 of 11
New Member

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

No we have no agreement. My ex is a controlling freak and basically just threw bills at me when he left. Thank you its comforting to know the judge can order such things. I do have an attorney.. but I guess because my ex is attempting to get my kids.. that is all I have been worried about in that regard. I mustnt forget about finances I guess..

Message 5 of 11
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

Well, as I a guy, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I hope you take him to the cleaners.  It just seems to me that he doesn't care what happens to you, so return the favor!

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Message 6 of 11
Valued Contributor

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

You are missing a bunch of information.


Did you file a year ago? Or, are you just filing now? If you separated and filed a year ago there should be a number of temporary orders. If only one was working when you filed, there would normally be a temporary order for support to the non-working spouse.


There should be automatic orders preventing major financial changes like buying a car without the consent of the other spouse.


If he left your state, why is he getting rent money? Who is paying the mortgage. Sounds like you are letting him do everything and it will just keep getting worse.


Your attorney should be motivated to keep the house payments paid. The one with equity is almost certainly going to be the source of the money to pay the attorneys and forensic accountant. Maybe you can push that up and get an order to sell the houses now and put the money into escrow for the legal bills.


It is irrelevant who spent money on what before separation because the debt belongs to both of you.


Your credit is damaged heavily and it seems obvious that it will be completely destroyed soon. Not much you can do about that and you have bigger problems.

Message 7 of 11
New Member

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

This past May my ex left for California and I had the kids with me in our home state.  At this point nothing was filed yet, but he had already divided everything as far as bills goes. He was also paying me a bit of child support.. so between that and my unemployment (I had a small contract job which ended.. but I stayed home before that) I was making it (as in having food and paying rent, not ccards).  Then in Sept my ex took the kids for "vacation" so the child support stopped.. then he filed papers and told me the kids werent coming home. 

So now Im staying with a relative, paying relative what I can and living on unemployment while I search high and low for work. The temp hearing is coming up in two weeks.  Divorce is happening in my state, not CA.  My ex refuses to sell the houses..He instructed our renters to pay him.. and hes using that money for his own needs and the mortgages are not getting paid.  As of now my ex wont even talk to me and only allows me brief phone contact with my kids each day (but thats another story entirely)

I credit IS destroyed. I cant even get a rental car.

Message 8 of 11
Frequent Contributor

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

Not to discourage you but with bad credit it can also be difficult to find a job. Especially in banking or anything related to it. You won't even know they pulled because most of the time it is a soft pull. =/
On my phone apologies for the errors.

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Message 9 of 11
Valued Contributor

Re: Pending Divorce, Ex ruined Credit, not sure where to start

He took the kids on vacation in Sept and was supposed to return them when? Doesn't school start in Sept? How old?


What is your attorney's plan for the hearing? Why didn't he ask for an Ex Parte OSC immediately when the kids weren't returned on time? What exactly are these papers your ex filed? Unless you have been convicted of Willful Child Cruelty or something similar, I would assume you should ask for Physical Custody and he should only have visitation allowed if he can afford a professional monitor, which cost around $40 per hour here. You simply can't steal a kid from your spouse. What do the kids think?


I would collect as much proof of this behavior as you can. You need to get an order that the renters pay their rent into your attorney's escrow account and he makes the house payments. Based on the info, you can count on the house with equity being ordered sold unless your state laws are very different than mine. When you file, the court assumes jurisdiction over everything you both own.


Determine the Date of Separation. Was that May when he moved to another state or possibly before? Your attorney can make a case that he owes you support from that time. Your finances are plugged into the appropriate program like Dissomaster or xSpouse and the direction and amount of Temporary Spousal Support and Child Support will be determined.


Unless your court is really bizarre, he should be in big trouble. However, you are going to need a good attorney and I don't know where the money is coming from. How much time have you spent with your attorney and what is the plan for this hearing. Is it your first OSC?

Message 10 of 11