Are we going to make it!

[Anonymous]

I am just so frustrated with my boyfriends spending habits. For someone who is almost 30 he seems to have no idea on how to manage money or when to stop spending. We plan on getting married sometime in the next 2 years. I have a whole plan laid out for  my life. I am 27 now. So in two years I plan on buying a house. Which I why I am so passionate about rebuilding my credit. But he is just not getting it for some reasons. I helped him apply for his very first credit card through capital one-$500 CL and he applied for another Cap one on his own $300 CL. I did all this with the intent of establishing credit for him because he had no real credit history other than student loans. I explained to him that in order to build credit he needed to keep his spending to under 30% less if possible.  And now here we are a year later and both cards are completely maxed out. He only makes minimum payments.  I spoke with him about this and he said if he has 25 dollars left on the card and has no money then hes going to spend it.  Hes just being irresponsible and it urks me because I want to have a future with him. But we dont seem to be on the same page in regards to his finances. He wastes money on unceccesary things and then blames it on me. lol. I just cant.  I dont know what to do. I went as far as to cut my credit cards up and only make payments on my balances. Im at a loss right now.  Sorry for the rant.

[Simply827]

Are you saying you're a joint owner on the $500 Cap One card? If so, you're just as responsible for the whole balance as he is. It's affecting your credit negatively since it's maxed out. Are you in a position where you could pay off the entire balance? If so, I'd recommend you do that and close it. You run the risk of him making a late payment, and that late payment will be on your credit for 7 years. If you guys are like night and day when it comes to finances, your relationship is likely doomed. Most people get divorced because of money issues. Some people will turn around their money habits, others not. I think it's best you separate your finances, and just observe his behavior with money. If you don't see any worthwhile change in him, it may be best to go your separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Oh H to the L No. Lol.. Not a joint card. Its his own personal. Ive been working too hard to get my credit up to let another person tear it down. My concern is more geared toward going into a marriage with a person who has horrible credit.  I always think about the freecredit report.com commercials

[elim]

Many of us deal with this problem (many years for me). I have been through many phases of trying to build her credit, sharing my methods, doing it for her, paying the bills, enrolling her in monitoring, bragging about my success, etc.). Nothing has hit the switch to make her stay on top of her credit (fresh collection this year). I realize we (at myFICO) are credit obsessed but she is not. I finally accepted the fact that we aren't financial partners so my next property purchase will be in my name alone. That may be your path also.

Best of luck... stay involved in the forum and you can have anything you want. It may push you towards making big $ in a new career so you can put it all in your name (but that may not be all bad).

[Anonymous]

I  completely agree. And thank you so much!!! Its nice to know that Im not the only one going through this.  And I definitely want to get to the point one day where I can put it all in my name (If i feel the need to) #options

[elim]

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@Anonymous wrote:

I  completely agree. And thank you so much!!! Its nice to know that Im not the only one going through this.  And I definitely want to get to the point one day where I can put it all in my name (If i feel the need to) #options

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    I love having her around, sparks fly but... money doesn't. ehh... sometimes, it's just the way life is.  :]

[Anonymous]

I think you need to have a long talk with him about this and explain how important it is to you. Then you need to do a lot of thinking about exactly how important it is to you. I have a feeling he is not going to change. So you need to be prepared to carry the load till death do us part, or you need to walk away before it gets any worse.

[IOBA]

Another thing to consider...do you live in a community property state?  Will you be living in a community property state after marriage?

If you are/do, then all of his debt will be your debt too!

It's a tought decision...but things to think about.  Do you always want to worry about money?  Will his making purchases/spending money cause you stress?  Can you afford to call the full household financial responsibility by yourself, every month, month after month?  And still be able to pay your bills?

Personally, I have been in a relationships where the other person was not financially responsibile.  And they wouldn't change.  Just a recap of what I know from those relationships that I tried and tried ot make work...but ended up leaving.  Where they are now...

1.  The guy owns two vehicles (an ancient car worth maybe $1500 and a beat up truck worth maybe $1500), a house that is still not paid for even though it's been 23 years since he bought and the finish line is NOT in sight (probably has 29 years to go), credit card debt (all cards are maxed out and if my info is correct, closed), collection accounts, no savings, and no retirement.  Yes, he is educated.

2.  The guy is living with a "married" woman and her husband and is the "nanny" to the kids.  Really, he's boinking the wifey and never watched the kids, but shares a room with them.  Hubby is a long haul truck driver.  They have came to blows over the whole sex thing before.  Sometimes he will pay a little in rent.  Can't hold down a job.  No savings, drives a beat up car (no car payments, so that is good), all student loans are still in default (I bailed his *ss out of student loan debt the first time and he sunk right back in), no retirement... and oh yeah, collections.  And student loans are still in default.  The state went after him for back child support.  What's a tax return?  What's a new car?  What's a steady job that lasts longer than six months?  Yes, he is educated.  Several degrees.

3.  The guy is living with my ex best friend, in HER mother's RENTED house.  The place we had was foreclosed on.  Car payments are late.  Can't seem to stay employed since I left years ago.  He was making 85k a year back then...not allowed to file BK for a 3rd time.  People are tracking me down (and it's been YEARS since I have seen this guy) asking me to help find him.  Involved in credit card fraud and identity theft.

All three guys drained me financially.  All three guys decided to help themselves to my credit, to my savings, to the extented of identity theft.  Oh, and did I mention that none of them can clean (or would clean) house?  Or do their own laundry?  Or cook a meal?  Or pay their bills on time?

Girl, if the guy is shorting you on money now and his living expenses dropped in half when you moved in...and he's not making an effort to live within his means, the writing is on the wall.

Just like the guy has choices - you do too.  If you choose to stick it out, protect your identity!  Don't take on his last name if you get married.  Don't do joint credit, bank accounts, vehicles, or any assets.  And find a good therapist that you can talk to.  I get tired of listening ot my friends who married financially irresponsible people vent, repeatedly, about the same old same old.  They choose to stay with the person, knowing how they behaved financially.  The behavior hasnt' changed in decades.  

[Anonymous]

Wow!!!!!  Yeah you have definitely given me alot to think about sheesh. I dont want to be in any of those situations. I think I 
Will have a sit down with him and have a good talk with him. If after the talk I see no improvement then Ima let it go. I dont have time for any foolishness. 
And I am NOT the captain that goes down with the ship. I refuse. Better grab you a life jacket too

[Anonymous]

Yes you are right. Im going to talk to him and let him know how important this is to me and how seriouse it is. If hes serioiuse about being with me and starting a life together hes going to have to shape up. Or thats it.