Asked a good friend to put me on as a AU on one of his cards.....

[Anonymous]

        I asked my best friend / on and off partner to put me one one of his cards as a authorized user and he stopped talking to me...then after a month we finally talked again and he said I should not have asked him to do that and that I should have asked a family member.   I have known this person for 14 to 15 years and I considered him family. I would have asked a family member but no one in family has good enough credit for me to ask to AU to help me rebuild my credit. I explained to him that I just wanted it to help rebuild my credit and that I don't want to use his cards and I explained how it would help my credit in the rebuilding process.

         I should say this has been very eye opening and hurtful to me because I thought this person was a good close friend. I should also say that I have been a good friend to him as well that I have never used him of did him wrong in anyway.   He treated me like I was trying to rob him or something after I asked him.   I explained the pros and cons of him putting me on his card as a AU and I sent him links with info about it so he could know everything.   I also said I did not want a card and that he did not even have to ask for a card for me when if he put me on as a AU. 

          Was it wrong to ask what I thought was a good friend/  to do this ?  He said he talked to his parents and a brother about it and they said it was not a good idea. Now he is distancing himself from me.   

[StriderM99]

I could be wrong (I probably am), but are you even allowed to be added as an Authorized User? I thought it was required that you to be related in some way. If I remember correctly, I read somewhere in a post on this site that they started to come down on many "authorized users" because people were beginning to give "piggy-back rides" to anyone from friends, to complete strangers - for a price.

I'm not saying you're in the same boat, though. You meant well, and in this case, you've asked a close friend for help.

With the history of abuse of the Authorized Users option though, I would assume it might actually be a little difficult to add you as an AU. If this isn't true, and it is possible for you to be added, then ignore any of my concerns listed above lol.

As for your friendship status with your friend... If he's sincerely adamant about not adding you, I'd accept his decision and thank him for considering it. Keep your friendship in good health. Your credit will improve over time if you stay on the right track.

[Anonymous]

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@StriderM99 wrote:

I could be wrong (I probably am), but are you even allowed to be added as an Authorized User? I thought it was required that you to be related in some way. If I remember correctly, I read somewhere in a post on this site that they started to come down on many "authorized users" because people were beginning to give "piggy-back rides" to anyone from friends, to complete strangers - for a price.

I'm not saying you're in the same boat, though. You meant well, and in this case, you've asked a close friend for help.

With the history of abuse of the Authorized Users option though, I would assume it might actually be a little difficult to add you as an AU. If this isn't true, and it is possible for you to be added, then ignore any of my concerns listed above lol.

As for your friendship status with your friend... If he's sincerely adamant about not adding you, I'd accept his decision and thank him for considering it. Keep your friendship in good health. Your credit will improve over time if you stay on the right track.

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Anyone can be an AU.  Regardless of personal relationship to the originating card holder.  I added my girlfriend as an AU to three of my higher limit cards and her credit score skyrocketed (as much as it could, given her defaulted student loan payments). 

I was able to add her to the three cards fairly painlessly.  It was two Barclay cards and a Capital One card.  Then I took it a step further and cosigned with her on a secured US Bank credit card (interestingly enough, she couldn't get approved alone for the the secured card).   

[Gunnar419]

I can see how this would be both eye opening and hurtful for you. To me the core problem isn't that he refused to put you on as AU. There might be many reasons for someone to be uncomfortable with that even if there's no risk to him. Some people are just uneasy about sharing their finances in any way with others. 

The core problem is that he quit talking to you when you made your request. That definitely reveals some underlying trust issues and communication problems in the relationship. Sorry to hear that. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Wrong of you to ask? No.

Wrong of him to say no? No.

Weird for a best friend to stop talking to you over this? Probably. 

Every person is different and everyone is in a different situation. Personally, I'd have no problem putting family or one of my "best" friends as AUs on some of my cards. I have family members as AUs already, and I have been an AU on some of my parents cards for a long time. Now if my best friends were less trustworthy with money or if I was not financially able to easily pay off 100% utilization on any card I make them an AU of, I might pause. 

You might want to see if your friend can make you an AU with a very low limit on one of his cards. Some cards allow you to make an AU have lower limit restrictions. This might ease some of his concerns. Also, don't push the topic. At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with a friend saying no to this. 

[youdontkillmoney]

If it were me I'd say ok if you were a really good and trusting friend (though I know by virtue of you asking your financial responsibility is nil), BUT I would set a limit of $100 on the card. Of course that friend will complain and say that's not enough (would you ask for more?), but I'd say the point of adding you as an AU is to rebuild your credit so you can charge $100 or less on it. But then again, if you go over, I wonder if that will hurt me and have that record on my account since the account numbers may be the same. So I would have to call the cc company and ask about this since I may change my mind. I owuld also think if you were a friend you'd have better judgment and not put me, your friend, in this position to have to decide. Then I'd get a little upset with you for putting me iin this position. Eventually I'd prob. say no because of this. Then with you sending me links to show me why it's a good idea, I would view that as "pressure" from you, so I'd distance myself from you since you would sound desperate for it, which makes me think you will run up the card. 

[Anonymous]

Youdontkillmoney i see what you are saying but here are a few points i want to make. There would have been no need to make a 100 limit because i did not want to use the card in fact i told him if he agreed to make me a AU to not get a card sent and if he did to tear it up. The Au does not have to use the card to build his credit. The original account holders credit history (which should be outstanding) would show on the Au's credit history hence making the AU's credit better. Thats how it rebuilds and helps the AU's credit. You say that i maybe should not have put the person in this position.....I did a ton of research of the pro's and cons to the AU and the Account holder and the only way for it to hurt the original account holder is if the AU used the card badly, (that was not gonna happen because i did not want a card). The con to the Au is if the original account holder did something bad to hurt the account such as not pay the bill on time..not pay at all...or use his credit limit beyond a certain amount without paying in full for the bill monthly. This friend has perfect credit and pays his bills on time. He has ficos in the 800's and is very responsible which is why i asked him because his credit showing on mine would only be a plus...and my credit would not show on his credit in anyway if i was a AU on one of his cards. The sending links with info was so he could see i was not trying to hurt him or trick him in anyway. I wanted him to know everything good and bad about putting someone as a Au on one of his credit cards. I wanted him to be informed. I don't see this as pressure. And im not sure how sounding desperate would equate me using up the card especially since i explained to him that i would not be wanting a card to use.

Now i really wish i did not ask but at the sametime i am glad i did. As i said before its not that he eventually said no after a month of avoiding me. Its how he treated me after i  asked. This was a good friend ..my best friend and not sure how i can explain this we were on/off partners.  To me it told me that maybe i was considered a good friend to him as much as i thought. How i was treated was totally disrespectful. And i was told i should not have asked him and  that i should have asked a family member...this was a blow because i considered him family. But since when do you not ask a good friend that you know can help you  for help? Especially if you know it would not hurt them? He also claimed he was hurt that i asked him....really?

There was a big blow up a month and a half after i asked not because he said no but because of how he treated me and comments he made about how i should not have asked him and the total way he blew me off. To me the writing was on the wall by way of his actions after i asked him. Now we are not friends and sometimes when you need help that is when you find out who your true friends are and how they truely feel about you. And i say this not because he said no but because of how he treated me after i asked.

[vanillabean]

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@Anonymous wrote:

He has ficos in the 800's and is very responsible which is why i asked him because his credit showing on mine would only be a plus...and my credit would not show on his credit in anyway if i was a AU on one of his cards.

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But why? You don't just walk up to people and ask them for money, because they have more than you do.

[youdontkillmoney]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Youdontkillmoney i see what you are saying but here are a few points i want to make. There would have been no need to make a 100 limit because i did not want to use the card in fact i told him if he agreed to make me a AU to not get a card sent and if he did to tear it up. The Au does not have to use the card to build his credit. The original account holders credit history (which should be outstanding) would show on the Au's credit history hence making the AU's credit better. Thats how it rebuilds and helps the AU's credit. You say that i maybe should not have put the person in this position.....I did a ton of research of the pro's and cons to the AU and the Account holder and the only way for it to hurt the original account holder is if the AU used the card badly, (that was not gonna happen because i did not want a card). The con to the Au is if the original account holder did something bad to hurt the account such as not pay the bill on time..not pay at all...or use his credit limit beyond a certain amount without paying in full for the bill monthly. This friend has perfect credit and pays his bills on time. He has ficos in the 800's and is very responsible which is why i asked him because his credit showing on mine would only be a plus...and my credit would not show on his credit in anyway if i was a AU on one of his cards. The sending links with info was so he could see i was not trying to hurt him or trick him in anyway. I wanted him to know everything good and bad about putting someone as a Au on one of his credit cards. I wanted him to be informed. I don't see this as pressure. And im not sure how sounding desperate would equate me using up the card especially since i explained to him that i would not be wanting a card to use.

Now i really wish i did not ask but at the sametime i am glad i did. As i said before its not that he eventually said no after a month of avoiding me. Its how he treated me after i  asked. This was a good friend ..my best friend and not sure how i can explain this we were on/off partners.  To me it told me that maybe i was considered a good friend to him as much as i thought. How i was treated was totally disrespectful. And i was told i should not have asked him and  that i should have asked a family member...this was a blow because i considered him family. But since when do you not ask a good friend that you know can help you  for help? Especially if you know it would not hurt them? He also claimed he was hurt that i asked him....really?

There was a big blow up a month and a half after i asked not because he said no but because of how he treated me and comments he made about how i should not have asked him and the total way he blew me off. To me the writing was on the wall by way of his actions after i asked him. Now we are not friends and sometimes when you need help that is when you find out who your true friends are and how they truely feel about you. And i say this not because he said no but because of how he treated me after i asked.

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^^^^^^^

in that case if I open an AU for you and I don't have to give you the card, but it just shows on your record, I see no problem with this. I would do it for you.

At the same time, I would be thinking though, down the road what is next you will ask. after a while it gets old and I don't want to not answer my calls to avoid you. same with certain family members, they ask and I start avoiding them.

[StriderM99]

To the OP -

   Did you have any sort of "exit plan" when you asked your friend to be added as an AU?  I'm only asking because, looking at it from his shoes... What happens if in a year, his situation takes a turn for the worse, and his credit starts to slip, ultimately hurting yours as well? That's a burden he will carry for the duration of your status as an AU on his account(s). Would you be staying on for a year, two years... indefinitely?  If there's any uncertainty, I can see why he might have said no.