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Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Established Member

Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Me and my GF have one child and over the last year we have been going back and forth over more kids and marriage ( she wants both and I want neither)

she has floated the idea of buying a house togather as a compromise until I'm ready for more kids and marriage.We have had some serious issues in our relationship but so far its stable

right now we are living in an hoouse she owned and she is getting ready to sell it , she will get about 20k i guess more than what she owes on it.I also take care of my dad who lives seperately from us but I spend a lot of time there as well.

She is proposing if we get a house togather, we can live there under one roof and have dad stay with us and he can pay us nominal rent.

 

Pros

I see my child more often

we have better chance to work on our relationship

Commute time is saved as dad stays with us

 

cons

we will co-own a property and if things turn sour between us in future it will be an issue what to do with this place

our credit combined is not the grts so it will be at a higher interest rate if we qualify

 

I dont want to reject her idea outright as I do see merits in it , any suggestions ?  pitfalls ?

 

p.s  currently there is a big discrepency in our income , mine is 150 k hers is like 45 k

 

 

Message 1 of 20
19 REPLIES
Established Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?


Scharnhorst wrote:

Me and my GF have one child and over the last year we have been going back and forth over more kids and marriage ( she wants both and I want neither)

she has floated the idea of buying a house togather as a compromise until I'm ready for more kids and marriage.We have had some serious issues in our relationship but so far its stable

right now we are living in an hoouse she owned and she is getting ready to sell it , she will get about 20k i guess more than what she owes on it.I also take care of my dad who lives seperately from us but I spend a lot of time there as well.

She is proposing if we get a house togather, we can live there under one roof and have dad stay with us and he can pay us nominal rent.

 

Pros

I see my child more often

we have better chance to work on our relationship

Commute time is saved as dad stays with us

 

cons

we will co-own a property and if things turn sour between us in future it will be an issue what to do with this place

our credit combined is not the grts so it will be at a higher interest rate if we qualify

 

I dont want to reject her idea outright as I do see merits in it , any suggestions ?  pitfalls ?

 

p.s  currently there is a big discrepency in our income , mine is 150 k hers is like 45 k

 

 


Relationships are so hard, but I think the idea of buying a house together is not a good one until some of these issues are settled.

 

If you do buy a house together, please consider entering into a cohabitation agreement, which protect each individual's interests and assets while protecting your rights as a couple. Such agreements can cover the distribution and/or division of property in the event of death or breakup. Additionally, they can also delineate issues related to child support and visitation, though I'm only really aware of the agreement in the setting of two single people getting a home together.

 

 

Garden Club Member since 9/7/2018
Message 2 of 20
Established Member

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Thanks for replying

So you think 2 single people buying a house is not a great idea ? I agree it not perfect but then her repsonse will be " thats another reason why we need to get married ASAP" and I figured I could delay it a little more by co-owning a house togather so she feels she is getting some of her demands met

main reasons I'm deaying marriage and more kids

1- she has lots of student debt

2-she is used to a very rich lifetsyle which I dont think I want at all

3-She has a hard time raising one kid and she wants more ?

Message 3 of 20
Community Leader
Super Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?


Scharnhorst wrote:

Thanks for replying

So you think 2 single people buying a house is not a great idea ? I agree it not perfect but then her repsonse will be " thats another reason why we need to get married ASAP" and I figured I could delay it a little more by co-owning a house togather so she feels she is getting some of her demands met

main reasons I'm deaying marriage and more kids

1- she has lots of student debt

2-she is used to a very rich lifetsyle which I dont think I want at all

3-She has a hard time raising one kid and she wants more ?


I can see your reasoning.. If you feel the house buying gives you more time then do so.  But whatever you do especially buying a home whilst not married, make absolutely sure you have everything in writing and signed.

 

That way, should things get bad you are protected and can get money back you put in/towards the new home.

Message 4 of 20
Regular Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Why don't you buy the house in your name only, have her pay you a nominal fee for rent/utilities, you will be paying for everything anyway, why not have your name only on the note.  If she gets mad about it explain if things went south I could never have my father be homeless, and I want to make sure if anything happens to me my child gets to have this house one day.

Message 5 of 20
Valued Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

I think deciding to purchase a house together to avoid problems is a huge problem!

 

Home ownership is a big deal and can be hell to deal with if the relationship ends. Plus with the insisting you NEED to get married RIGHT NOW, another red flag.


Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong, IMO, with her knowing that she wants marriage and more children. But she doesn't get to force you into those things. You both have to decide if the relationship is working for you as is. Because, let me tell you something about marriage...it does not fix or hide problems. It magnifies them. To the Nth degree.

 

Find a reputable premarital counselor or counseling program and try to fix the underlying issues. Things will NOT get better by buying a house or forcing marriage. 

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Message 6 of 20
Frequent Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Whoa, yeah, pump the brakes! There are some huge issues to be resolved here.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting more kids and marriage, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting more kids or marriage, but not being on the same page? That's a big deal.

 

Don't buy a house together or mingle finances anymore than you already have until you're on the same page with this.

 

It really sucks confronting major relationship issues, but please don't put them off by agreeing to buy a house together. You'll have the same issues to deal with PLUS a co-owned house making things even more complicated.

 

Obviously I don't know either of you or your relationship at all, but the term 'irreconcilable differences' is springing to mind. I hope I'm wrong. I hope you two can find a solution that makes you both happy and allows you to continue a satisfying relationship, but please find that solution before you go any further. You owe it to yourselves and especially to your child.

Message 7 of 20
Established Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Buying a house with someone who wants to get married and have more kids when you don't want to get married or have more kids.......let's just let that sink in for a bit......

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Message 8 of 20
Super Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?


MrsCHX wrote:

I think deciding to purchase a house together to avoid problems is a huge problem!

 

Home ownership is a big deal and can be hell to deal with if the relationship ends. Plus with the insisting you NEED to get married RIGHT NOW, another red flag.


Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong, IMO, with her knowing that she wants marriage and more children. But she doesn't get to force you into those things. You both have to decide if the relationship is working for you as is. Because, let me tell you something about marriage...it does not fix or hide problems. It magnifies them. To the Nth degree.

 

Find a reputable premarital counselor or counseling program and try to fix the underlying issues. Things will NOT get better by buying a house or forcing marriage. 


Single, 56 years of age, had to do all on my own.  The above statements are right on.  👏👏👍🏻👍🏻👌

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Message 9 of 20
Regular Contributor

Re: Buying a house ? good or bad idea ?

Bad Idea hunny bunny!!!!!!! I'm a 38 year old female divorced twice young, 2 kids, and a retired Navy girl. I realized at 25 marriage was not for me and found myself miserable,  I knew young the susie homemaker lifestyle wasn't for me but, at that time it was ideal to be married...If you know deep down that is not what you want at this time "Whats the rush?" don't let her bully u into something u will find urself in a world a mess cuz hunny my second husband had me so far in debt after the divorce I'm just finally free and clear to get my second chance ....take ya'll time and figure it out... 

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