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Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships

Regular Contributor

Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships

An economics teacher I once had in high school once gave the following advice: "Marriage is economic suicide. You accept all their debt and burdens so you better really love them to do something so irrational." 

 

My question comes out to; when you've entered a relationship with someone, at what point do you ask them about a FICO score or what credit/banking they use in their lives? When do you ask about debt? Is there ever a point where you try and find this out before even entering a relationship?  How much does age/age group you're in effect this answer because I feel there's probably a difference between college age and mid 30s regarding this.

 

And just as a fun story on the side, once I was talking to this person that I really wasn't interested in but they weren't getting the hint. After asking them their FICO score they never spoke to me again (thank goodness Smiley Happy ) They were only 20 but talking about credit actually made them uncomfortable to the point they wanted to talk about something else because they didn't understand it even though they had a credit card themself. Is this the new way to scare people off since some people assume credit talks don't come until just before a proposal or something?

College Junior
Starting Score: 724
Current Score: 744
Goal Score: 775

Message 1 of 6
5 REPLIES
Contributor

Re: Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships

I suggest to have  look at this  thread :

 

Credit scores and relationship

Message 2 of 6
Valued Contributor

Re: Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships

I surely wouldn't ask about these questions until you were in a serious relationship. I wouldn't want to marry someone with 200k in student loans. But when you reach the point where you are planning a lifetime together would be a good time to bring it up.  You know if you are thinking about marriage and buying a house you would want to know how much debt they had.  If they have a bad FICO score because of old debts that have passed the statute of limitations and they are in a good place now I don't think it would matter much. As you can always work to improve your scores but if that 200k of student loans is there and they are making a small income of say 60k that is going to haunt you for a long time. 

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Message 3 of 6
Valued Contributor

Re: Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships


@StockiestTrout wrote:

An economics teacher I once had in high school once gave the following advice: "Marriage is economic suicide. You accept all their debt and burdens so you better really love them to do something so irrational." 

 

My question comes out to; when you've entered a relationship with someone, at what point do you ask them about a FICO score or what credit/banking they use in their lives? When do you ask about debt? Is there ever a point where you try and find this out before even entering a relationship?  How much does age/age group you're in effect this answer because I feel there's probably a difference between college age and mid 30s regarding this.

 

And just as a fun story on the side, once I was talking to this person that I really wasn't interested in but they weren't getting the hint. After asking them their FICO score they never spoke to me again (thank goodness Smiley Happy ) They were only 20 but talking about credit actually made them uncomfortable to the point they wanted to talk about something else because they didn't understand it even though they had a credit card themself. Is this the new way to scare people off since some people assume credit talks don't come until just before a proposal or something?


Questions about scores vs. relationships are largely covered in the other thread that was referenced, but there's a few in here that are different enough I'll comment on.

 

- When to ask: when both people are ready to talk about it. This is not a first date or even fifth date topic. For me, that point came once I knew the person well enough to know she was in this for what I was, not what I might be. There's plenty of ways you can figure out generally how a person is with money just through observations. How do they spend money, what do they buy, are they materialistic or anticonsumerist, stuff like that.

 

- Age: I think age has very little to do with it so much as situation. Money conversations fall on a bit of a bell curve: the people with really bad finances tend to avoid discussing it because they're ashamed of their situation and the people with really strong finances tend to avoid discussing it because they don't want to be judged ("trust fund kids", "first world problems", crap like that) or they want to find someone who likes them for more than their money. If I was on a date and the girl was going on about how awesome it was that she got a $5,000 CC or that her job gave her a raise so she now makes $75,000/year and I'm sitting across the table with a $50,000 card and a $250,000/year job, I'm not going to be comfortable talking about my finances for fear of making her feel belittled. LIkewise, if I was the small fry at the table and I knew she was in a vastly better financial position, I'd be uncomfortable talking about my dinky situation by comparison.

Message 4 of 6
Established Contributor

Re: Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships


@StockiestTrout wrote:

An economics teacher I once had in high school once gave the following advice: "Marriage is economic suicide. You accept all their debt and burdens so you better really love them to do something so irrational." 

 


This sounds factually incorrect. Most people combine their finances, however this is not required. 

Message 5 of 6
New Member

Re: Credit, Fico Scores and Relationships

I think you should ask when you are at a point of making a commitment. But both sides need to be open and honest with the path that led to their current credit situation. Both myself and fiance came together with a lot of financial baggage, but we both had plans to clean it up and by the time we get married we will both be debt free.

Message 6 of 6