Financial Follies that Break the Relationship

[bvick27]

Thanks for all the kind words guys! All finances are separate and she was an AU on one CC and that was it so it has not been too much of a hassle. I just keep saying I have to look forward to the future on this one and to continue pursuing my financial independence! Thanks again

[drkaje]

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@bvick27 wrote:

Thanks for all the kind words guys! All finances are separate and she was an AU on one CC and that was it so it has not been too much of a hassle. I just keep saying I have to look forward to the future on this one and to continue pursuing my financial independence! Thanks again

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Things get better.

I'm happier divorced than I ever was married and enjoy the kids a million times more by myself.

I had to eat several thousand in CC debt she'd ran up as AU, though. Took a few years but everyone got paid. Now she's about to start BK, foreclosure, and all manner of drama so I have to worry about how the kids handle things.

[FrugalRican]

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@bvick27 wrote:

 In the end, I found out 4 weeks ago she was having an affair. I am in Afghanistan and can't even file for divorce yet. She said she had become unhappy in our marriage because I put such a pressure on her in the financial realm (realistically I offered to even take over fixing her credit and all finances.) She said she felt like she was not an equal and I didn't treat her as one when it came to that stuff. Needless to say, it has lead to us getting divorced and I never thought me trying to fix everything would. C'est la vie! In short, simply being the one who is willing and able to handle finances can cause a relationship to fail when the other can not do the same.

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First off, how I missed this message, I have no clue.

Second, thank you for your service.

Third, do NOT let the blame be placed on you. That is a momentum shift that she did on you and you are buying it. By saying:

"simply being the one who is willing and able to handle finances can cause a relationship to fail"

It doesn't work that way. Being that one that ISN'T willing and able to handle finances or at least grasp the concept of it, is what makes the relationship fail.

From what you posted, you did NOTHING wrong, nothing that any mature and responsible adult wouldn't have done. It's not your fault. It's hers and you will be better off for it. Because guess what, buddy, she's going to do it to him as well. That's no longer your problem and then she'll give him and any others the same excuse she gave you. You do not need people like this in your life. If she felt like she wasn't an equal, it's because she didn't WANT TO BE an equal. You gave her a perfectly good chance to be one, but she'd rather hide and make excuses for it.

Kudos to you, for learning about credit, it might have fixed your life in more ways than you know.

Consider this a fresh start on your new found freedom. 

[CasperJack14]

I don't think what your g/f is doing is that bad - it's better than maxing out a card and not being able to pay for it!  Which she may be afraid of given the horror stories you can hear about people doing just that.

I am divorced, and while it wasn't simply financial things that caused it - they contributed.  I was young when I got married and didn't fully appreciate credit and FICO scores and the like.  EX had horrible credit when we married - so bad that I could not get anything as a joint account with him because he couldn't qualify.  When we purchased a house - they considered his income on what we could afford, but could only do the mortgage in my name due to his low credit score.  Now I've got a low credit score because I got stuck with the house when we divorced.   EX worked at WalMart and could cash his check there when he picked it up - so rather than doing the smart thing and signing up for direct deposit - he would cash his check and spend it all on frivolous things like video games, alcohol, cigarettes, etc.  This left me with no money from him to contribute to paying bills.  Add to this that his employment history became very spotty after we got married, he owed back child support (which meant filing an injured spouse form with our taxes every year), etc....all a recipe for financial disaster.

Now I've been divorced 3 years, my credit has been horrible - but I'm rebuilding.  Hindsight is 20/20 - but I never should have gotten married.  My marriage is probably the biggest "baddie" for my FICO score.