GF has 100k in consumer debt and no plan to pay off

[disdreamin]

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@SouthJamaica wrote:

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Since you're asking, IMHO

- no you should not suggest she close her cards, and

- yes you should reconsider going forward, not because there's anything wrong with her (we all have our little flaws and weaknesses in life) but because of your attitude.

When you "go forward" in life you should love people for who they are not for who you would like them to be..  You should be prepared to help her pay off her debts, not be lecturing her on how to become a person just like you. If you're not ready to just love her for who she is, and help her when she asks for help, then I think you're not ready to "go forward".

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Who someone is and their spending habits are not one and the same - I am not simply the sum of my credit card balances. Discussing financial philosophies and making sure they align well is probably one of the wisest things a couple can do prior to marriage. Finances are the root cause of many failed relationships.

OP, I'd have a frank discussion with your SO about her financial plans, dreams, and current position. If she is just fine where she is and sees no issue with having that amount of consumer debt, you have to decide whether that is a deal-breaker for you. In my experience, many people live the way they do because that behavior was modeled by the adults in their lives. If your SO has a desire to live differently and you have shared goals in the financial sense, that's a great start. I don't think wiping out all credit cards is the way to go, by any stretch, and I don't think you both need to go into marriage with zero debts, but it is probably best to be sure you're on the same page with your hopes and aspirations.

Personally, I went into my current relationship with a significant amount of consumer debt that I'd turned into student loan debt (I financed a few years of college with credit cards because I didn't know better). My SO was debt-free and came from a family whose financial situation was polar opposite of mine. Despite the differences in our backgrounds and debt-loads, our philosophies about debt, savings, and spending were very much aligned, and we've been good partners in both the financial and personal sense throughout our lengthy relationship. Hopefully you find the same.

[fuzzle]

Did she lie about it (including lies of omission) or did you never talk about money? If it's the first you know the answer, in the latter case you need to talk a lot more about a plan to pay off the CC ASAP

[ambivalent]

Why does she have no plan to pay it off? 75k in cc debt is about how much per month? $1500? Have you discussed the root of her spending? I had CC debt like this, and let me tell you, it was STRESSFUL. I took a deep look at myself and why I was spending and, I am no expert, but I think its how I cope/deal with depression and anxiety - stuff made me feel better. If it is something like that for her, that needs to be addressed as well otherwise even if she pays it down, it may get right back up.

Good luck with whatever you decide. To answer your question, closing the cards may not work because it may hurt her score because she will have high balances with $0 limit reporting.  You guys correct me if I am wrong.  Maybe offer to help her with budgeting and come up with a pay down plan.  

[James3]

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@jetsfan2013 wrote:

I intend to propose to my long time girlfriend later this summer, however we do not see eye to eye on personal finance. In short, I busted my behind the past four years to pay off my car loan, student loans and credit card debt. I now only have one debt (mortgage), and am saving nearly $2500 a month into my retirement and investments.

My gf has 93k currently in consumer debt, with 75k of it on credit cards and the rest on her Acura. I was not aware of the exact numbers until a few weekends ago, when we were at a wedding of a family member, and her CC was declined in the airport.

Later that night we had a long talk and she shared her current outgo in detail. She does well in her career (makes $120k/yr gross) however I am worried that if the recession gets worse, her profession is one prone for layoffs, and all of that debt would be like a 500 lb weight on her(my) back.

Am I wrong for having serious second thoughts about moving forward with her at this point? Should I suggest she close her credit cards, as she admits she has a spending issue?

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You are not wrong to have serious second thoughts about moving forward with this girl. The kind of debt she has is a WARNING sign. If something happened to her job, or she left the workforce purposely (e.g. pregnancy) you will have her debt affecting YOUR future.

Your girlfriend's income is meaningless if she is living beyond her means. Don't make the assumption that she will not encourage the both of you to inflate your lifestyle together. Definitely talk with her about plans for a future together, but be frank about your concerns. 

[805orbust]

RUN.

Dang this would be so easy were it not for feelings. Although I feel this is the proper course. I'd probably not be able to just run. If I could discern her desire, and execution on a plan to get rid of it, that would satisfy me. If she's generally a high quality human being, then I would be much more comfortable. 

[jetsfan2013]

Update:

She and I have decided to go in different directions.

Shortly after, her position at her job was eliminated.

[ambivalent]

Thank you for coming back to update.

Sorry you all went your separate ways, I hope you are doing okay. Wow on her position being eliminated.  Another poster above mentioned that "what if", I believe.  I hope she takes this as a wake up call.

[disdreamin]

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@jetsfan2013 wrote:

Update:

She and I have decided to go in different directions.

Shortly after, her position at her job was eliminated.

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Thank you for the update, and I hope you are in a good place and moving forward with your life. Hopefully your ex is able to get things under control, and perhaps this was the wakeup call needed for her to implement major changes.