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GF has 100k in consumer debt and no plan to pay off

Valued Contributor

Re: GF has 100k in consumer debt and no plan to pay off

@SouthJamaica wrote:

Since you're asking, IMHO

- no you should not suggest she close her cards, and

- yes you should reconsider going forward, not because there's anything wrong with her (we all have our little flaws and weaknesses in life) but because of your attitude.


When you "go forward" in life you should love people for who they are not for who you would like them to be..  You should be prepared to help her pay off her debts, not be lecturing her on how to become a person just like you. If you're not ready to just love her for who she is, and help her when she asks for help, then I think you're not ready to "go forward".

Who someone is and their spending habits are not one and the same - I am not simply the sum of my credit card balances. Discussing financial philosophies and making sure they align well is probably one of the wisest things a couple can do prior to marriage. Finances are the root cause of many failed relationships.


OP, I'd have a frank discussion with your SO about her financial plans, dreams, and current position. If she is just fine where she is and sees no issue with having that amount of consumer debt, you have to decide whether that is a deal-breaker for you. In my experience, many people live the way they do because that behavior was modeled by the adults in their lives. If your SO has a desire to live differently and you have shared goals in the financial sense, that's a great start. I don't think wiping out all credit cards is the way to go, by any stretch, and I don't think you both need to go into marriage with zero debts, but it is probably best to be sure you're on the same page with your hopes and aspirations.


Personally, I went into my current relationship with a significant amount of consumer debt that I'd turned into student loan debt (I financed a few years of college with credit cards because I didn't know better). My SO was debt-free and came from a family whose financial situation was polar opposite of mine. Despite the differences in our backgrounds and debt-loads, our philosophies about debt, savings, and spending were very much aligned, and we've been good partners in both the financial and personal sense throughout our lengthy relationship. Hopefully you find the same.

Message 11 of 13
Regular Contributor

Re: GF has 100k in consumer debt and no plan to pay off

Did she lie about it (including lies of omission) or did you never talk about money? If it's the first you know the answer, in the latter case you need to talk a lot more about a plan to pay off the CC ASAP

Message 12 of 13
Established Contributor

Re: GF has 100k in consumer debt and no plan to pay off

Why does she have no plan to pay it off? 75k in cc debt is about how much per month? $1500? Have you discussed the root of her spending? I had CC debt like this, and let me tell you, it was STRESSFUL. I took a deep look at myself and why I was spending and, I am no expert, but I think its how I cope/deal with depression and anxiety - stuff made me feel better. If it is something like that for her, that needs to be addressed as well otherwise even if she pays it down, it may get right back up.


Good luck with whatever you decide. To answer your question, closing the cards may not work because it may hurt her score because she will have high balances with $0 limit reporting.  You guys correct me if I am wrong.  Maybe offer to help her with budgeting and come up with a pay down plan.  

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Message 13 of 13
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