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Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

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fezwhy
Regular Contributor

Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

I have never heard of it honestly.  Today my sons mom and I were talking.  She is getting married in a few months.  She want's to cancel child support because she claims she doesn't need it.  I didn't even know how to respond to that I was shocked.  He does make about 70k a year and if she gets this new job she will be making more than I do.  It wouldn't change anything in relation to my son because I would still provide the best I can.

We have been on great terms and I always put my sons needs first.  If my son needs anything at all I go and buy it no questions asked.

 

I have a college fun started for him and I will be giving him a car so he will be pretty set come college.

I have made lots of cuts in my budget the last year or so to get by.  Luckily I have no student loans, credit card debts just a car payment. 

If this does indeed happen it will really open up the financial door for me to finally put more money away for a house and put extra money in my sons college fund.

 

Message 1 of 10
9 REPLIES 9
barbaralee
Established Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

 It very well may be possible, but something would officially have to be filed. For sure I would not agree to it based on writing, or norization alone. If you pay child support then the court order is in place and she could come back at any time and get you for back support,  even if it was something agreed upon. The court order supercedes any verbal or written contracts. And don't fall into the line of thinking "she would never do that..." I think one should do all they can to protect their finances.

 

All in all I would talk to a lawyer and get the court order to reflect upon what you two agree on. Some states may want to go by the formula, but it will still require a professional to review and modify it for your own protection. 

 

Good luck! 

 

 

Message 2 of 10
fezwhy
Regular Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

You are correct she would have to file the correct forms.  I did my own research and it is indeed possible. My son will be on her fiances health plan once they get married also.

True she could annul it and come back for back support.  But she knows how much I am struggling right now financially.

Today she gave me back the support saying she doesn't need it.  I have known her long enough to know she is serious about this.

 

I guess I will believe it when I see it.  There are a list of forms she would have to file and set a court date to get this finalized.  It will be easier to do once he is off medical assistance from the state.  She has a tendency to say things and not follow up with them or procrastinate so I will not count on anything unless I see a notice in the mail.

 

 

Message 3 of 10
davidsl
Member

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

She's 'serious' about this yet has a habit of 'saying' things and not 'following through'. Your words.

 

Don't touch this with a ten foot pole. Child support is for the child and most states won't allow her to negate your duty to your child. According to you, your child is also partly supported by the state; confirm your conversations and this and subsequent refusals of payment via text or email. Explain to her you are willing to continue to pay, that you are re-sending your payment and will continue to pay until a court order allows you to stop.      

Message 4 of 10
xautodetail
Regular Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

I not what you fell i have the same situation i am out the Cort last on 1/30/15 my last day of the pay. you have to fail emotions for remover the child sup and deal we the state i not sink you have any problem if she agree the state is  to agree one more sink me sure not put on reserved other way she can back any time she whant GOOD LOCK 

 

Message 5 of 10
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

I would be surprised if a court found you to not be obligated financially for your son, even if just a small amount. I don't think they will take her soon to be husband's income into consideration when determining support. At least they do not here in Cali. Definitely continue to pay until a court issues an order otherwise. It only takes one thing to go wrong and you'd be in big trouble. Always CYA!

 

With that being said, I "forgave" several thousands of dollars of back child support for my EX back in 2008. He is almost $17k in arrears at this point since that initial "forgiveness". I'm not so nice anymore. Smiley Happy

Message 6 of 10
sunshine7157
Regular Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?


@fezwhy wrote:

I have never heard of it honestly.  Today my sons mom and I were talking.  She is getting married in a few months.  She want's to cancel child support because she claims she doesn't need it.  I didn't even know how to respond to that I was shocked.  He does make about 70k a year and if she gets this new job she will be making more than I do.  It wouldn't change anything in relation to my son because I would still provide the best I can.

We have been on great terms and I always put my sons needs first.  If my son needs anything at all I go and buy it no questions asked.

 

I have a college fun started for him and I will be giving him a car so he will be pretty set come college.

I have made lots of cuts in my budget the last year or so to get by.  Luckily I have no student loans, credit card debts just a car payment. 

If this does indeed happen it will really open up the financial door for me to finally put more money away for a house and put extra money in my sons college fund.

 


I also cancelled all back, current and future child support obligations of my ex back in 2003. Long story but here is short version: He had eventually remarried &had always been really, really bitter about child support to begin with. His anger affected his whole outlook on parenting (& I'm not saying it was right, but it was what it was). I felt it was affecting his relationship with our daughter & I finally concluded that no measly amount of money I could get from him was worth the impact that his bitterness was having on their relationship. It all came to a head when he and his wife were expecting their first child & he was slated to spend time in jail (for non-payment of support) & had been scheduled to begin serving his time a week before their due date. Now I was in a position. In the end, I didn't have the heart to watch his wife have her first child alone & watch him miss out on those critical early days because he was in jail. I never could have forgiven myself for that, they never would have forgiven me for that & most importantly, my daughter may have never forgiven me for that. Again, right or wrong, it was what it was. I had to go to court & believe me, it was a battle. The judge was very unhappy & repeatedly voiced his displeasure at my decision. He disagreed wholeheartedly, expressed his concerns adamantly, questioned my motives (was I here under duress??), etc.. It was a fight to the end, but my wish was ultimately granted. He did say that if I ever needed to apply for state aid (welfare/medical), that they in turn would pursue child support again.

I will say that my views on the child support system as a whole are very different than most womens views. My views on the topic aren't up for debate here (I have not since and will not going forward argue about doing what I did or why). I'm not all about money. If I have enough to make my bills and keep a roof with some food under it, I'm all good. I don't need or want alot. I'm pleased with just being happy. Would I do it again, given the chance? Damn right I would. No amount of money is worth my sense of peace within my family. Our families are intact. Our ex/step/extended families harbor no resentments towards one another. Holidays, exchanges of children, etc were virtually stress-free after that. Far from the anger, bitterness & resentment that hung over us like a cloud in the beginning. I was quite surprised actually at how everything fell into place once I removed the money aspect of it. Looking back, I have no regrets.They bought the winter/spring/summer/school clothes, provided her medical ins, paid the athletic fee/equip bills. It worked for us.

Message 7 of 10
cclee
Regular Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

I know in Az, as long as she hasn't received assistance from the state, she can cancel it, she has to go to court and under oath declare that she no longer wants it, is not being forced to cancel it, and is mentally capable of what she is asking.  If she has received assistance, then that portion will not be forgiven or canceled.




In The Garden Until 11/01/15 - Last App 11/03/13
Message 8 of 10
skimmie48
Regular Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?


@fezwhy wrote:

I have never heard of it honestly.  Today my sons mom and I were talking.  She is getting married in a few months.  She want's to cancel child support because she claims she doesn't need it.  I didn't even know how to respond to that I was shocked.  He does make about 70k a year and if she gets this new job she will be making more than I do.  It wouldn't change anything in relation to my son because I would still provide the best I can.

We have been on great terms and I always put my sons needs first.  If my son needs anything at all I go and buy it no questions asked.

 

I have a college fun started for him and I will be giving him a car so he will be pretty set come college.

I have made lots of cuts in my budget the last year or so to get by.  Luckily I have no student loans, credit card debts just a car payment. 

If this does indeed happen it will really open up the financial door for me to finally put more money away for a house and put extra money in my sons college fund.

 


I did it with my ex. He was laid off from his job and I was making a good living. We did go to court and I was questioned whether I was fine with that, which I obviously was. When he went back to work we didn't resume child support but he always made sure she had what she needed too. He was able to provide for her in a way he couldn't when he was paying child support. It was a win win situation for all of us, but most importantly our daughter. Good luck to you!

Message 9 of 10
Zorasmiles
Established Contributor

Re: Have you had your ex cancel your child support obligations?

I must say there are some amazing ladies in this thread!  I actually paid child support to my ex-wife while my sons were in my custody.  She never sent them any of the money in return, so I know the money wasn't going towards them as it was always meant. My youngest son was still a minor with a few years remaining of high school.  After consulting with an attorney, I contacted my ex.  I explained that I would like her to discontinue child support as I was the sole provider for our sons, and she had not used the money for them.  She had not put the money into a savings account, cd's, college fund, etc.  I called the child support office for which I was making payments and asked what I needed to accomplish to have my ex request that payments be discontinued (child support case worker was very familiar with the case, seeing that the children were enrolled in school at one point hundreds of miles away in the district I resided and later on outside of the state).  I drafted up a letter indicating that there was no back child support (arrears), nor current child support and we both signed it in front of a notary.  I turned this notarized copy into the court/case worker handling my child support case and that was the end of it.  I'm sure my ex claiming the children on federal taxes, receiving dental/medical credits and child support when the kids resided with me was the major factor in her agreeing to do away with it all.  FYI-she was remarried, and I was a single parent with our children--paying child support to her, although she did not have our children.  

 

Find out your local laws/family court laws and seek guidance before acting.  Always makes sure that the children are first with or without a child support order.  Good luck to you.

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Message 10 of 10
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