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Holding Off A Commited Relationship

Established Member

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@DollyLama wrote:

Dumpster diving for dinner just took on a whole new meaning in dating. 


Oh?

Message 11 of 35
Member

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship

 


Committed relationships don't cost money.

 

 

 


I'm sorry but committed relationships do cost money in some way. As someone noted earlier just try dumbster diving for dinner and see how that feels.

Message 12 of 35
Established Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@IMAWARE wrote:

 


Committed relationships don't cost money.

 

 

 


I'm sorry but committed relationships do cost money in some way. As someone noted earlier just try dumbster diving for dinner and see how that feels.


I don't recall the requirement to go out to dinner, at a dumpster or otherwise, as being part of a committed relationship. If someone can't love you because you can't afford to take them out to dinner or have children, take it as a sign that person wasn't right for you to begin with, not the other way around. Committed relationships cost effort and time, not money.

 

Forget what you see on TV or read on social media - it's all psychological BS meant to make you think you have to do something for love. If it wasn't for the scourge that is marketing, everything from proposing to pretty much every holiday (especially xmas) would be vastly different. The modern American Dream (kids, SUV, house with "open concept" kitchen) is literally a marketing scheme designed to get you to buy crap you didn't need. Don't let that disease spread by giving it your heart, too.

Message 13 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship

Getting married while up to your eyeballs in debt is a mistake many later regret. Honoring the commitment that is involved in marriage is often very hard when both partners are financially stable. Add very bad money problems into the mix and you have the perfect storm that will possibly end up enriching some divorce lawyer.




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Message 14 of 35
Senior Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship

I wouldn’t consider dating someone with money problems of any kind. Credit score doesn’t matter but money issues are a dealbreaker.

I don’t feel someone can commit to a relationship when they refuse to commit to even their own future.

My current long term girlfriend has never once brought up money because she’s frugal, invests and saves about half her income and lives without useless toys and gimmicks. Works well for us since I’m the same way.
Message 15 of 35
Established Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@iced wrote:

@IMAWARE wrote:

 


Committed relationships don't cost money.

 

 

 


I'm sorry but committed relationships do cost money in some way. As someone noted earlier just try dumbster diving for dinner and see how that feels.


I don't recall the requirement to go out to dinner, at a dumpster or otherwise, as being part of a committed relationship. If someone can't love you because you can't afford to take them out to dinner or have children, take it as a sign that person wasn't right for you to begin with, not the other way around. Committed relationships cost effort and time, not money.

 

Forget what you see on TV or read on social media - it's all psychological BS meant to make you think you have to do something for love. If it wasn't for the scourge that is marketing, everything from proposing to pretty much every holiday (especially xmas) would be vastly different. The modern American Dream (kids, SUV, house with "open concept" kitchen) is literally a marketing scheme designed to get you to buy crap you didn't need. Don't let that disease spread by giving it your heart, too.


Money surely won't buy you love so many make that mistake vicious cycle and end up broke and sometimes

homeless be honest with yourself without all the crap in your head about the perfect life you watch on bachelor and

similar TV shows. Money is only a part of life "love" not "Money" should come first and if not then move

on what's the term many fish in the sea?... As for dumpster diving there are surely many creative idea's one

may want to try such as both going to a beach with sandwhiches and enjoying life who said ??? you must go

to a resturant that cost 100$ a plate? TV, Social Media many people are happier in relationships without

all that crap so let's recap shall we? less about money more about genuine happiness life is complicated enough

without all the constant crap material items "People Think they need to buy for the other". Smiley LOL

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Message 16 of 35
Established Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@ABCD2199 wrote:
I wouldn’t consider dating someone with money problems of any kind. Credit score doesn’t matter but money issues are a dealbreaker.

I don’t feel someone can commit to a relationship when they refuse to commit to even their own future.

My current long term girlfriend has never once brought up money because she’s frugal, invests and saves about half her income and lives without useless toys and gimmicks. Works well for us since I’m the same way.

I would have serious issues with anyone that can't support themselfs on a basic level like you just outlined. After all

when alone you need to support yourself I don't think anyone is suggesting you need a 6 figure income to be commited but

being able to hold your own apartment and being responsible with finances is key if you can't support yourself even at a basic level

then yes hold off getting involved you can't help anyone else... If you don't first help yourself now I know that sounds hard to swallow and maybe even mean but think about it how wonderful it can be if both people are able to not only support themselfs but also be in a relationship that's solid and one doesn't always have to put stress the relationship because someone isn't living up to their own needs on

a basic level food, shelter, etc. Smiley Very Happy

Gardening 2020-2021
Total CL 113k+ UTIL 0.01% Uber Visa, DoubleCash, Quicksilver, Discover IT, Freedom Ulimited, Blue Cash, Premier Rewards GOLD
Message 17 of 35
Senior Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@CapCredit72 wrote:


I would have serious issues with anyone that can't support themselfs on a basic level like you just outlined. After all

when alone you need to support yourself I don't think anyone is suggesting you need a 6 figure income to be commited but

being able to hold your own apartment and being responsible with finances is key if you can't support yourself even at a basic level

then yes hold off getting involved you can't help anyone else... If you don't first help yourself now I know that sounds hard to swallow and maybe even mean but think about it how wonderful it can be if both people are able to not only support themselfs but also be in a relationship that's solid and one doesn't always have to put stress the relationship because someone isn't living up to their own needs on

a basic level food, shelter, etc. Smiley Very Happy


That's how I see it.  I went out on a single date with someone about 15 years ago and we had zero chemistry from the start but we are really good friends to this day -- she's in her mid-30s now, has never had a job where she's made more than $34,000 in a year and lives in a higher cost of living city and already owns her small apartment (no mortgage) and car (no loan) and has a FICO score in the 800s and has money in emergency fund and retirement.  She lives a really full life, too, but doesn't overspend.  It can be done on even $34,000 a year, you just have to obey the golden rule of budgeting.

 

I really like being with people who love themselves for good reason instead of a poor reason.  I think it's ok for a gal I date to be an egomaniac narcissist because she can say eff you to her boss and walk for a year or two without income.  I find it attractive because it means they're with me for more than my frugal budgeting skills, too.

Message 18 of 35
Member

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship

I dont believe in the american dream, I am the most frugal person I know and I dont even engage in gift giving at xmas because I know its all marketing BS. My wife understands this. But she also grew up in a family where everyone shares gifts at xmas and her parents send her gifts at xmas. How long are you gonna ignore this year in year out and feel its normal? Check this section and you will find many threads where people entered into relationships thinking love, time and effort was all that was important only to run into serious money and budgeting problems. Dont take money out of the equation all together thinking your effort and time is going to win out because for all you know the girl you may be getting committed to might think that being in a  committed relationship means that you pay her phone bill every month!

 

On the basic level, both parties have to assume a certain level of fiduciary responsibility for this committed relationship to work long term. Just saying committed relationships dont cost money at all is thus a bit callous in my opinion because some people might take it as just that and feel its ok not have their financial affairs in order as long as they are committing time and effort which in themselves mean different things to different people.

Message 19 of 35
Established Contributor

Re: Holding Off A Commited Relationship


@IMAWARE wrote:

I dont believe in the american dream, I am the most frugal person I know and I dont even engage in gift giving at xmas because I know its all marketing BS. My wife understands this. But she also grew up in a family where everyone shares gifts at xmas and her parents send her gifts at xmas. How long are you gonna ignore this year in year out and feel its normal? Check this section and you will find many threads where people entered into relationships thinking love, time and effort was all that was important only to run into serious money and budgeting problems. Dont take money out of the equation all together thinking your effort and time is going to win out because for all you know the girl you may be getting committed to might think that being in a  committed relationship means that you pay her phone bill every month!

 

On the basic level, both parties have to assume a certain level of fiduciary responsibility for this committed relationship to work long term. Just saying committed relationships dont cost money at all is thus a bit callous in my opinion because some people might take it as just that and feel its ok not have their financial affairs in order as long as they are committing time and effort which in themselves mean different things to different people.


 

If someone doesn't know whether the girl expects them to pay her phone bill or not before committing to a relationship, the problem is lack of communication, not money. Assuming fiduciary responsibility for yourself is not the same thing as having money, and it's possible for someone to have one and not the other.

 

Plenty of people with little/no money have happy relationships. Plenty of filthy rich people have miserable relationships. People who fight over money and break up over money would have fought or broken up over something else eventually. Fighting over money is a symptom, not the problem. In almost every relationship that fails, the real problem is a poor decision, poor communication, falling out of love, or lack of committment from one or both of the people involved.

Message 20 of 35