cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Regular Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Good read, old post or not. Thought I'd share my experience.

 

I have always lived by myself but last March moved in with my girlfriend. Right off the bat we agreed to split everything down the middle, rent, groceries, we'd each have an equal $ amount for bills in our names (3 or so each), and I said I'd even split her (now our!) dog's expenses. I made roughly 10k more than her and would pick up extra groceries, pay whenever we went out, pick up gas in her car, etc.

 

Just recently she has switched teaching jobs to somewhere where she will be much better off 5 years from now, but now makes ~20k less than me. She couldn't decicde at first because she was so worried about finances (our goal was to begin house-hunting in mid-2019). She flat-out asked me if I could take on more of rent since I'll be making so much more. I hadn't even thought about it since April, but of course I said sure. I have my own CC debt black hole that I am paying down, and this will put ME further back for awhile, but will allow US to live more comfortably. When those "I's" become "we's" it tends to make everything so much easier. So we pushed our collective goal of home ownership out a couple years, big deal.

 

Communication up front is the key.

Message 61 of 72
Community Leader
Super Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Hey everyone, I realized that I hadn't come back to my thread in awhile to update it. My friend and her boyfriend broke up (her decision), and though she was sad at first, she now feels relieved.

It was too much pressure for her, and also she thinks (no proof), that he was living well beyond means as a show for his friends. He would also makes snide comments to her about how she's lucky to be living in a nice home, driving in a nice car etccc, and she just felt broken, and that she would never live up to the expectations of him, and she became depressed.

She much happier now, living back with her old roommate for now, but thats changing this summer, as she will have to figure out other arrangements. Word on the street is, her ex is dating already and talking of "moving in the new girl".....what a tool.

Scores held down by umpteen INQ & New accounts, and a paid off loan and new loan reporting.
Message 62 of 72
Community Leader
Valued Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Hey, pizza! I feel relieved for your friend! I remember reading your thread back when you started it, and kind of followed for awhile. I am so glad everything worked out for her. Smiley Happy


Current Scores------ EQ 681; TU 657; EX 690 FICO 08--- Gardening 5/25/18 to 5/25/19
Beginning Scores-- EQ 632; TU 576; EX 619 FICO 08 (06/13/16) - BK7 discharged 11/2015

Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Message 63 of 72
New Member

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

I know this is old but it's fascinating and I wanted to answer as well.

Our situation is weird because we moved in together (without knowing each other) then started dating.
When I first moved in I paid rent of $250 a month + half of utilities (electric, satalite, interner, trash). We each had a dog so we adjusted them to the same food and would alternate buying a bag of food and would alternate buying groceries. We'd also take turns grabbing the bill when we went out. All other expenses were independent.

2 months after I moved in we started dating. We decided then that he bought all meals out since the servers typically gave him the bill anyway (I'll pay if I grab something for us on my way home) and I buy all the groceries (but sometimes he stops by himself and pays.)
11 months after I moved in we decided me paying rent was stupid because of the relationship.
He still pays 100% of the propane expense and 100% of the mortgage. He also pays for all maintenance on the house. If we were to break up or something were to happen to him I would have 0 claim to the house, unlike if we were married. So we agree that I shouldn't put any money into it.
The only other change is pet expenses: we lost my dog shortly after I moved in so now we have a cat and a dog. He typically pays for the dog and I typically pay for the cat. Occasionally the other will pick up a bag of food though. No big deal.
My base income is a little more than half of his base. I also have significantly more debt because of student loans. Luckily he has none as he paid for university out of pocket.
I'm currently in the process of calculating if being married would save us money. It's looking like it would. We'll see.
Message 64 of 72
Frequent Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Definitely a little late to the party on this thread but I thought I'd share our experiences, as well, in hopes that it'll help someone.

 

My girlfirend and I live together, she makes about 1/2 I do ($115k versus $59k). We split up rent, utilities, internet with a 2:1 ratio. Meaning that it's loosely based on our incomes as a percentage of the whole lot. She sends me one lump sum via ACH to my bank account for the amount of all the stuff (and adds 1/2 of any large purchases we go in on together; I usually pay for those up front--I gotta get my cashback, you know). 

 

Fuel from the prior month is divided in half and lumped into what she transfers to me. For groceries, we take turns. Some months I pay more for food, some months it's her. I also usually foot the Costco shopping trips ($$) because I'm the one that wants to go 🤓.

 

I can see a scenario playing out where all of last month's expenses are halved (save for the base rent, etc) and added into the payment, but not everyone can "extend" pseudo-credit for their roommate in that fashion.

 

These loose arrangements I think are only possible because we're always on good terms with each other. Money hasn't ever been a point of contention and she's very well set, financially and has been for a while. I'm not as much (recovering from a divorce takes the money wind out of  your sails) but collectively we're doing fine. 

as of 7/12/18:

Message 65 of 72
Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


@pizza1wrote:
Hey everyone, I realized that I hadn't come back to my thread in awhile to update it. My friend and her boyfriend broke up (her decision), and though she was sad at first, she now feels relieved.

It was too much pressure for her, and also she thinks (no proof), that he was living well beyond means as a show for his friends. He would also makes snide comments to her about how she's lucky to be living in a nice home, driving in a nice car etccc, and she just felt broken, and that she would never live up to the expectations of him, and she became depressed.

She much happier now, living back with her old roommate for now, but thats changing this summer, as she will have to figure out other arrangements. Word on the street is, her ex is dating already and talking of "moving in the new girl".....what a tool.

I think she made a good decision and things will only get better for her.  Drop that zero and get yourself a HERO, honey! He is obviously a looser and she has a good heart that he took advantage of.  I feel sorry for the new girlfriend of this guy...won't call him a man. At least now she has opened her self up to someone that is hopefully equally yoked.

 

I don't care what the others say, asking someone to pay 50/50 when their is a large difference in pay is never okay.  How is that person suppose to build saving and other things for themselves if they have nothing left at the end of the month.  I don't know why society and taking on the new approach and way of thinking.  It does not benefit the ones that are in this same situation with this mindset.  

***Gardening 3/29/2018 until 9/25/2018***

FICO 8 Scores: EQ~692 l TU~657 l EX~669
Message 66 of 72
Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


@A1Creditwrote:

@pizza1wrote:
Hey everyone, I realized that I hadn't come back to my thread in awhile to update it. My friend and her boyfriend broke up (her decision), and though she was sad at first, she now feels relieved.

It was too much pressure for her, and also she thinks (no proof), that he was living well beyond means as a show for his friends. He would also makes snide comments to her about how she's lucky to be living in a nice home, driving in a nice car etccc, and she just felt broken, and that she would never live up to the expectations of him, and she became depressed.

She much happier now, living back with her old roommate for now, but thats changing this summer, as she will have to figure out other arrangements. Word on the street is, her ex is dating already and talking of "moving in the new girl".....what a tool.

I think she made a good decision and things will only get better for her.  Drop that zero and get yourself a HERO, honey! He is obviously a looser and she has a good heart that he took advantage of.  I feel sorry for the new girlfriend of this guy...won't call him a man. At least now she has opened her self up to someone that is hopefully equally yoked.

 

I don't care what the others say, asking someone to pay 50/50 when their is a large difference in pay is never okay.  How is that person suppose to build saving and other things for themselves if they have nothing left at the end of the month.  I don't know why society and taking on the new approach and way of thinking.  It does not benefit the ones that are in this same situation with this mindset.  


I'm sorry I'm late to this thread as well, but it's a great question to ask.

 

My wife and I have joint checking and savings accounts, but separate credit cards. She is a mental health therapist in private practice, so her income right now is about 3.75 to 1 when compared to mine and I make a decent living. Within two to three years, it could well be a 5 or 6 to 1 ratio. With that in mind, all of our bills come out of the checking account and we have embraced a "you buy it, you make sure it gets paid off ASAP" policy with the credit cards. We also sure to put money in savings every week.  I help manage her credit card payments since she is very busy between the practice and the class she teaches on Saturday mornings (She teaches a required class for the MSW program at the school where she got her MSW and Ph.D.). I will also be working with her in the next couple of weeks to set up a student loan refinancing plan.

 

Basically, we work together to make everything turn out right.

Now in the garden until at least 7/1/19.
Message 67 of 72
Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


@bizarrocreditworldwrote:

@A1Creditwrote:

@pizza1wrote:
Hey everyone, I realized that I hadn't come back to my thread in awhile to update it. My friend and her boyfriend broke up (her decision), and though she was sad at first, she now feels relieved.

It was too much pressure for her, and also she thinks (no proof), that he was living well beyond means as a show for his friends. He would also makes snide comments to her about how she's lucky to be living in a nice home, driving in a nice car etccc, and she just felt broken, and that she would never live up to the expectations of him, and she became depressed.

She much happier now, living back with her old roommate for now, but thats changing this summer, as she will have to figure out other arrangements. Word on the street is, her ex is dating already and talking of "moving in the new girl".....what a tool.

I think she made a good decision and things will only get better for her.  Drop that zero and get yourself a HERO, honey! He is obviously a looser and she has a good heart that he took advantage of.  I feel sorry for the new girlfriend of this guy...won't call him a man. At least now she has opened her self up to someone that is hopefully equally yoked.

 

I don't care what the others say, asking someone to pay 50/50 when their is a large difference in pay is never okay.  How is that person suppose to build saving and other things for themselves if they have nothing left at the end of the month.  I don't know why society and taking on the new approach and way of thinking.  It does not benefit the ones that are in this same situation with this mindset.  


I'm sorry I'm late to this thread as well, but it's a great question to ask.

 

My wife and I have joint checking and savings accounts, but separate credit cards. She is a mental health therapist in private practice, so her income right now is about 3.75 to 1 when compared to mine and I make a decent living. Within two to three years, it could well be a 5 or 6 to 1 ratio. With that in mind, all of our bills come out of the checking account and we have embraced a "you buy it, you make sure it gets paid off ASAP" policy with the credit cards. We also sure to put money in savings every week.  I help manage her credit card payments since she is very busy between the practice and the class she teaches on Saturday mornings (She teaches a required class for the MSW program at the school where she got her MSW and Ph.D.). I will also be working with her in the next couple of weeks to set up a student loan refinancing plan.

 

Basically, we work together to make everything turn out right.


Sounds like everything is working out to where you both benefit and is functioning like a well oiled machine.  I do think you should be responsible for misc. items you purchase but in the instances of mortgages it becomes a little more difficult.  Say your wife wants a certain type of house that would ordinarily be out of your budget, how can you possibly split the mortgage and other household bills 50/50 without draining your paycheck every month with little money left over for savings and other misc. items you may want to purchase?

***Gardening 3/29/2018 until 9/25/2018***

FICO 8 Scores: EQ~692 l TU~657 l EX~669
Message 68 of 72
Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

@A1Credit

Sounds like everything is working out to where you both benefit and is functioning like a well oiled machine.  I do think you should be responsible for misc. items you purchase but in the instances of mortgages it becomes a little more difficult.  Say your wife wants a certain type of house that would ordinarily be out of your budget, how can you possibly split the mortgage and other household bills 50/50 without draining your paycheck every month with little money left over for savings and other misc. items you may want to purchase?


 

Why would someone be in a marriage where only one person is making decisions of such magnitude as where to live? This is exactly the sort of discussion a healthy couple would have and decide how/if to split the cost, or whether it's not going to make sense to do in the first place. If such a wife put her partner on the spot with an ask like this, the relationship isn't healthy to begin with.
 
Relationships can't be reduced to some percentage or algorithm, and each one is different. What one person may see as equitable and fair, another may see as selfish and stupid.
 
Some partners want to pitch in 50% regardless of their income because they are equal partners in the relationship. A partner who makes more and then tries pay more may instead damage the relationship.
 
Others may want to put in more or less if they make more or less than their partner. Forcing them to contribute equally is also going to damage the relationship.
 
What matters in the end is that the two discuss it up front and mutually agree on how to handle the finances.
 
Message 69 of 72
Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

@Iced I don’t understand why you don’t understand my statement about the house. No where did I say there would be no discussion but if I make more I might want a nicer house than my husband may afford so we would decide how we would handle it whether it means me paying a higher portion of the mortgage. 

***Gardening 3/29/2018 until 9/25/2018***

FICO 8 Scores: EQ~692 l TU~657 l EX~669
Message 70 of 72