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So here is the thing, my group of friends is financially speaking pretty diverse, from broken people to people with rich parents and people that make a ton of money themselves. But a couple of days ago a conversation about the influence of the parents in our financial lifes started. I wil give some context first
With two exceptions, most of us are around 20 to 21 years old and attend a community college in Northern Virginia. This makes the group a little bit more uniform at least on the income side
However, when we started about how much control parents had, we had a lot of different answers. I am somewhat at one extreme, not only my parents have almost zero control over my financial decisions, but I manage most of their U.S accounts (Yeah, pretty weird situation takin in count I only have 20 years old) One half was basically independent, but not at the extreme of managing their parents accounts except one. Bue the other half (Remember, these are 20-something years old) were on the other extreme side of the spectrum, with parents having complete control over credit, debit and even ID cards, had three friends out of ten that even left their debit card at home and always carried a balance on their credit card because ¨Their parents told them it was the best for their security and credit score¨
While I appreciate my financial independence, I see that some people prefer their parents having almost absolute control over their financial lives, and some parents preferring it that way as well. What are your thoughts about that? When do you think that people should start taking care of their own finances and banking accounts?
When my children starting making their own money ( not paper route etc), they were able to manage it with a little help from us, when they moved out they were on their own.
My dd starts her third year at college, she works partime during school year and full time in summers and get grants, she manages ALL of her money and ask me for advice.
It depends whose money is being spent. If it's the parents', they should have control.
But generally, I think at age 18, "kids" should be responsible for their own credit scores. A lot will mess up but they will recover by age 30. When everything is given to you, you learn nothing.
Glad you shared this post! Very interesting responses. As to control, once a person is on their own and of legal age, they need to be able to handle and manage their own affairs. Parents certainly represent a resource but, there are others resources too. Parents need to let their adult children live life and maybe even make mistakes as we learn from the life process. Control often is the issue and parents have trouble letting go (seems to be a natural thing).
My parents had two basic edicts; "Our house, our rules", and "We buy, you fly".
Obviously, as long as I lived under their roof, I had to follow their rules. Secondly, when they were footing the bill for something, it was under their conditions. Once I was out in the world making my own money and not dependant on them financially, (graduated college and working) they didn't try to meddle in my finances unless I asked for their advice.
@Anonymous wrote:So here is the thing, my group of friends is financially speaking pretty diverse, from broken people to people with rich parents and people that make a ton of money themselves. But a couple of days ago a conversation about the influence of the parents in our financial lifes started. I wil give some context first
With two exceptions, most of us are around 20 to 21 years old and attend a community college in Northern Virginia. This makes the group a little bit more uniform at least on the income side
However, when we started about how much control parents had, we had a lot of different answers. I am somewhat at one extreme, not only my parents have almost zero control over my financial decisions, but I manage most of their U.S accounts (Yeah, pretty weird situation takin in count I only have 20 years old) One half was basically independent, but not at the extreme of managing their parents accounts except one. Bue the other half (Remember, these are 20-something years old) were on the other extreme side of the spectrum, with parents having complete control over credit, debit and even ID cards, had three friends out of ten that even left their debit card at home and always carried a balance on their credit card because ¨Their parents told them it was the best for their security and credit score¨
While I appreciate my financial independence, I see that some people prefer their parents having almost absolute control over their financial lives, and some parents preferring it that way as well. What are your thoughts about that? When do you think that people should start taking care of their own finances and banking accounts?
My take on this:
- While still a minor, parents should be in control of the child's finances. The child is dependent on them, and the parents are legally obligated to support the child, so this makes sense. This also applies to an adult who is a dependent and must live at home for medical/disability reasons.
- In all other cases, the parents should step back and have no direct control over the adult child's finances. If a child asks for assistance managing finances, the parents should refuse any requests for direct control and offer suggestions/advice only. If you turned 18 and moved off to college/job, it's time to put on your big boy pants and start adulting for yourself.
The number of 20-somethings I've dealt with in my life who were wholly and completely dependent on mommy and daddy to adult for them is a number vastly higher than it should be.
As long as child is asking /or getting money from parents then its parents rules. Oldest son who is 40 yes 40 earns $50K a year is single and spends money like water. He is irresponsible with money and credit. He calls DW up for more money to blow on the flavor of the week to impress the flavor. DW and I have a set of rules. Our rules are very strick to get any money from us if you recall the 1980's Chyslyer loan hearings they were easier than getting money from us. Our rules call for very conservative spending and being able to document it and money issue caused by something like Mack truck ran over his car and him and he was hospitalized for weeks with no income and Mack truck had no insurance. Otherwise NO. DS and current flavor together earn just over $100K a year in a small town (very low cost of living) about 1 1/2 hours from here but can't make ends meet because they play on their days off and every moment after work . I have so much sympathy for them.
When the paycheck comes with your name on it manage your own funds. If mommy and daddy are paying the freight they make the rules.
I guess I would say parents should have a decent amount of control until the kids move out. Even if you make your own money, you live with them rent-free so you could make the argument that some of “your” money is actually theirs. (Assuming you do, in fact, live rent-free lol)