Husband has no concept of money and it's driving me insane!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I personally have no patience for people who don't manage thier money. I spent too long getting my stuff under contol, and I will not waste my time babysitting someone else in that process.

That said, you sound really frustrated, and I 100% understand that. Maybe the best option is for you to handle all the money and give him some sort of allowance? Some people really don't understand money, others choose not to learn. I wish you the best!

[RonM21]

This is tough. But at 48, he is way old enough to know what he is doing. Unfortunately, you may have to get stern with him, and cut him off more, if need be, to get the point across. In any relationship, both should be willing to work with one another, yes. But I think it has to be on things that are right ands make sense for both of you.

In this case, you clearly are in the right, and if he's wanting to do the right thing, he would work with you.

[Anonymous]

This is rich!! So on Friday I tell my husband that I got the title to the car I bought a couple of weeks ago finally turned over to me and that it was nearly $500. I said that I wasn't expecting it to be that much and that I'm already tapped for money for the rest of the month until I get paid (I only get paid once a month). He was shocked that it cost that much. I then said that I think all the bills are paid for the month (which of course I paid for all of them on my own!). He then asks me which bills they were. I start rattling off "Internet, phone, gas, electric, car insurance, tax installment that we have to pay due to YOU taking out money from your 401k last year and then he starts saying something and I go "Oh yeah, and the $1200 mortgage payment". I tell him that I have probably already paid about $2500 all on my own. Well apparently that upset him and he goes "Give me a break okay? I'm doing the best I can". Oh and he tells me this as he's snacking on the rest of his lunch which he bought just like he buys every single day. He even joked and said "As I say that while I'm eating the lunch I just bought today". I should give HIM a break???!! I even said back to him "Why don't you give ME a break?" and he goes "I am". Huh?? You aren't doing a single thing to give me a break! You dont' think AT ALL before spending money! Then the following day he comes home form work almost 2 hours late. Not a call to me to tell me where he was. He had gone out with coworkers after work and I see in his bank account that he spent $50 on drinks and appetizers. Once again, he's trying SO hard to manage his money!

[IOBA]

He's not.  You know he's not.  He knows he's not.  

The big question is - WHAT are you going to do?  

Get divorced?  The seperate finances aren't working for you.  I'd be petriafied to even suggest joint finances based on what you have shared with us.

Can you continue to live this way?  Do you want to live this way?

There are probably people who read this forum who can share with you a story or two (theirs or of someone else that they know/knew) who have traveled the path you are on now.  

[Anonymous]

I mean, it's been like this since I've known him. We've been together for 12 years, married for 6 years. He's never going to change. Even when we first started dating, I'd say within 2 months, he was asking if I could lend him $100 to get by and of course he never paid me back. Then soon I was sometimes paying his rent and his bills for him and it's been a downward spiral ever since. Yet I guess I knew this is what I was destined for when I married him even though every year I hear "Next year it will be better and I'll be on track" and every year a new problem crops up.

There's no way I'd EVER consider a joint account. I have savings. When I moved out here 7 years ago to be with him, I had over $70,000 in savings and $30,000 in CDs. Now I have $20,000 in CDs because I had to bust one out for covering other expenses, and about $5000 in the bank. I'm sure soon I'll need to bust open another $10,000 CD.

He took $40,000 out of his 401k last year even though I warned him about the penalty tax on it, but he said "Well I had them withhold the tax so there won't be any penalty". He obvisouly didn't understand what goes on with a 401k. He took that out to pay off another loan! He did that all the time. Build up enough in his VIP acocunt and then take that out to pay off a loan and then still be left with credit card debt and then he'd take out another loan to pay off something else. It's just a neverending cycle.

[IOBA]

So after 12 years, you know it's not getting better.  It's getting worse.  And your personal savings is draining away pretty quickly.  You are "over spending" on average $12,500 a year.  (You arrive with 100k in savings and are down to 25k in savings.  And that's about to drop to 15k in savings.)

What happens if you can't work due to injury or illness?

What happens in retirement?  Will you be eating cat food cuz that is the only thing you can afford?  Will you going without becuase you can't afford to?

Do you own a house?  Do you rent?  Whose name is it in?  Will you have to worry about foreclosure or eviction?

Girl, get a divorce.  He's not changing.  You're stressing.  You're going broke.   Why put yourself through that??  Private message me.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone who has read this thread wants to shake your husband by the shoulders and tell him to wake up (while we make him a budget and help him pay his bills).

I agree with the poster above. It's not getting better. He is using you (he may or may not even be aware of this). What's the solution here? No simple fixes that I can think of. Maybe there is a better way, but all I can see now is either divorce him or continue to be a victim. I wish I had a better answer for you.

[Anonymous]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Girl I have been down this road before. Luckily it was when I was much younger and had time to escape that relationship and get on with my life. Some guys (particularly the ones that have been overly parented) just can't grow up to grasp responsibility. Stop enabling him.

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^^^ What she said !!! ..... I think you already know what you've got to do. (hugs)

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah...he's doing the BEST he can with his money!! I can log into his bank account on line and see that in the past 4 days, he's spent about $170 on food and drink out at restaurants and bars! A fridge full of food, but he just can't be bothered to take 5 minutes to put something together. Between that and always having to be a big tipper at bars and restaurants so that "the next time he goes in they'll remember him and give him free drinks"! Hah! Whatever! That money could have paid our utility bill or both our phone and internet bill!

Now he wants to build a new computer and my work will pay half of the cost up to a total of $3000 (so they'll pay up to $1500). He of course gets all the bells and whistles and it adds up to almost $3100. He says if my work says okay he's going to start saving up money to buy everything. How does he think he will he do that? He can't save $50 to pay a bill but he's going to save up $3000 (because we have to pay for everything before we get reimbursed)?! No his solution will be after he realizes he can't save up any money "Well can you just pay for it and I'll get you the money as I can?" Which means I'll never see a dime of it.

[Anonymous]

I think you are unhappy with you. why can't you have an open discussion with him?