cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

I have this friend....

Estimate your FICO® Score range for free

FICO® Score Estimator

Auto Loans for ANY Credit Situation. Immediate Response.
Advertiser disclosure
Contributor

I have this friend....

My good friend from work.. he's a smart guy... in some aspects. I've been working with this guy closely for over a year now and we frequent do stuff outside of work as well as other co-workers. He got into a relationship last july/august (9-10 months ago) and he's a full time 21 year old worker and shes a 21 year old college senior graudating with $100k in debt  going into a retail job with no relevance to her degree what so ever(waste of a degree???). My friend is very clingy when it comes to his gf, he pays for EVERYTHING when it comes to the two of them. He has his own trailer and he's talking about moving her in and he's going to help her with her student loans. My girlfriend and I split everything just about evenly even though shes a junior in college and i'm a full time worker. I tell him that he shouldn't be taking on all her financial responsibilies because that's a heavy strain on him now absorbing the financial burden of two people. When I ask him about it, he constantly assures that's him being a "good boyfriend" and that's what boyfriends are supposed to do. I am predicting a not so happy ending result of that relationship. My friend is a very "proud" person, as well as a know it all/my way is the best way kind of person. I do acknowledge the fact that it's his life not mine and it doesn't affect me, and I do respect that, I guess I am concerned as I friend. Considering I am 20 years old and have never been in a relatinship to the point where finances are a shared part of the relationship, I am looking for everyone's opinion on what they think of my friend's mindset and his financial decisions towards his relationship.

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 1 of 24
23 REPLIES 23
Frequent Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

In my opinion - you’ve done your obligation as a friend by saying “hey, you might want to think about this.....”. It’s awesome you’re looking out for him. Now, it’s his business and not yours.

In the end, he’s going to make his decisions. And that’s the way it should be. We all make decisions that others might not understand.

Maybe he’s doing the right thing if they feel there is a serious future to their relationship. Maybe he’s doing the wrong thing if his motivation is misaligned. In the end, it’s his money. If you dwell on it, all it will do is drive a wedge between your friendship.

And that’s my 2 cents.
Personal Credit -
AMEX: Platinum, Green, Cash Magnet, Schwab Investor
PNC: Cash Rewards
NFCU: Flaghship Rewards, Cash Rewards, CLOC
PSECU: Founders
BB&T: Spectrum Cash Rewards
CapOne: Quicksilver
Discover: IT Chrome
Synchrony: PayPal 2%, PayPal Credit
Barclays: Uber
Store Cards: Target
AU Cards: Citi Rewards+

Business Credit-
AMEX: Blue Business Plus, Amazon Prime, Simply Cash Plus
Message 2 of 24
Valued Member

Re: I have this friend....

Ditto to the comment above. You've told your friend what you think. There is no need to keep repeating it to him
Message 3 of 24
Valued Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

Education is expensive, so are life lessons.

Rebuild started in 2014  -  $100k+ unsecured credit in 2017  -  $250k+ unsecured credit in 2019.

DON'T WORK FOR CREDIT CARDS ... MAKE CREDIT CARDS WORK FOR YOU!

10% Rotating - Discover                   5%-20% - Amazon & Lowes                6% Groceries - Amex Preferred (DW)
5% Gas & Sporting - Ducks Unl         4% Dining & Entertain - Savor           3% Travel & Hotels - Flagship, Propel, & Uber
2% Everything Else - Flagship          1% Cancer Charity - Fifth Third          0% Finance Promos - Venture & QuickSilver




    
Message 4 of 24
Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

Thanks, I'm typically one for getting too involved in other people's business. I totally agree with you, gotta let people live their own lives how they wish to.

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 5 of 24
Community Leader
Valued Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

I think you’ve done what you can. Now he just has to live and learn. 

Discover It: 18.7k
Amex BCE: 18k
Citi DC: 4.7k
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once you go Berner, you never go back.
Message 6 of 24
Regular Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

I was your friend several years ago. No matter what any one told me; best friends, coworkers, family - I did not listen. Always did my best to put my gf through private college and pay for everything while getting myself in debt. Relationship ended and while she offered to pay for some of the debt accumulated (au), she argued the other several thousands were my choice. My sister (an attorney) told me she was right and to do my best to get myself out of my own hole. I’m happily married to my DW now and she was very supportive but also brutally honest with me and helped me improve my money management.

Point is, your friend will have to learn the way they choose - which, if it involves emotions, will be the hard way.





Message 7 of 24
Contributor

Re: I have this friend....

My current girlfriend seems to have a solid understanding of finances and the importance of them, she makes wise decisions, but I think if she started racking debt like crazy or tried to have me buy everything, it would definitely be a deal breaker. If I ever get a DW, she has to be on the same page as me financially.

Discover IT $9,000 - 09/16
Amex BCE $25,000 - 07/17
Paypal 2% CB $10, 000- 05/19

Message 8 of 24
Super Contributor

Re: I have this friend....


@800who wrote:

My current girlfriend seems to have a solid understanding of finances and the importance of them, she makes wise decisions, but I think if she started racking debt like crazy or tried to have me buy everything, it would definitely be a deal breaker. If I ever get a DW, she has to be on the same page as me financially.


Every couple does it their own way.  Make certain that you have this conversation with whomever that lucky DW might be, and as long as the two of you communicate with eachother, you'll be fine.  Smiley Happy


Last inquiry 31 January 19. Going for Gold!

Zero percent financing is where the devil lives...
Message 9 of 24
New Visitor

Re: I have this friend....

Don’t listen to the others about this is all you can do! Insist he’s being an idiot. There’s nothing chivalristic about taking on someone else’s debt UNLESS he’s already married! I’ve been on that other side and wished someone would have made their relationship uncomfortable with me by getting through my thick head! At the end of the day we must all be accountable for our own finances/choices. Taking on the responsibility for someone else almost always doesn’t help the other person or the one offering the helping hand... regardless of motive!
Message 10 of 24
Advertiser Disclosure: The offers that appear on this site are from third party advertisers from whom FICO receives compensation.