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Managing family credit profiles

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Contributor

Re: Managing family credit profiles

My wife and I believe strongly in our roles. While it may be old fashioned to believe in rolls these days it's just how we work through life and through our faith. Not saying our roles are pre-determined, but we discussed who would do what and agree'd upon that during pre-marital counseling. She's a business owner and I work for a coporation. She handles her companies finances but I manage our overall personal finances. She's not a big believer in credit cards. I'm very much so into it as we have plenty of start up businesses, rental properties, and other ventures on the horizon. She trusts me completely with the finances but just likes to know how we're doing. I update her when and why I'm doing something with the finances and have an excel sheet that shows our yearly financial strategy. She's the head of the household over the kids and she get's the final say. I have full trust in her on the subject. While sometimes our strageies to certain situations differ we should trust our significant others if we permit them to have the final say on things. We cannot however shut them out of putting input in and theres a fine line of saying how it is and having the final say. Usually it's constant communication.


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Message 11 of 16
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Established Contributor

Re: Managing family credit profiles

Me and my SO have been together just over 20 years.

 

I have seen all the phases, in my relationship.

 

First all seperate and secret.

 

When it was realized that I was the breadwinner that caused lots of friction, because splitting bills with a huge disparity in income isn't easy to tread, so we combined everything.

 

Honestly overall my SO absolutely despises anything money or credit related. Even spending it lol

 

So it worked best that I just run the show.

 

He rarely cares what products I choose, but he *absolutely* trusts my decisions and that we are like minded and that I have him amd his interests at heart when making such decisions for him. He just likes to be told if I am foing somsthing so he knows what to expect (and honestly, sometimes I am still working on that one lol)

 

I am way oversimplifying 20 years worth of work, but I can honestly see why money is probably the biggest root of relationship issues. Especially when there is income disparities and people want to keep what is "theirs" seperate. Could you imagine trying to split bills in a 175k house where one half is making only 25k? Should that mean we only live a 50k lifestyle? Anyway...

 

We trust each other completely and put our money in the pot and it is always "ours", no this is mine and and that is yours because that caused lots of friction early on. 

 

I am only relaying my experience in my relationship.

 

Your SO may feel loss of power because you are now steering the wheel. If they have interest, involve them, even in small ways. Even if it seems obvious, maybe just touching base with them before making a move will help them feel like they also are part of the team and not just having everything decided for them. You know, to feel a part of the process and involved in decisions that are for them. It might help feel like some of the "power" is still their's. They may not want to monitor anything themselves, as that isn't probably the issue, because that has no "power" in it and may be of little interest to just watch what happens or has come to pass. Just more of having a say or being included in the process.

 

Good luck!




Starting Score: 2•20 | EQ 550 | TU 498 | EX 505
Current Score: 8•20 | EQ [F8 611] [F9 671] [EQ5 641] [VS3 641] | TU [F8 575] [F9 555] [TU4 537] [VS3 622] | EX [F8 593] [F9 583] [EX2 614] [VS3 611]
Goal Score: 680


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SO Starting Score: 2•20 | EQ 502 | TU 484 | EX 521
SO Current Score: 5•20 | EQ [F8 620] [F9 533] [EQ5 653] [VS3 615] | TU [F8 580] [F9 559] [TU4 561] [VS3 602] | EX [F8 617] [F9 549] [EX2 633] [VS3 613]
Goal Score: 680


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Message 12 of 16
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Established Contributor

Re: Managing family credit profiles


@importxpresions wrote:

My wife and I believe strongly in our roles. While it may be old fashioned to believe in rolls these days it's just how we work through life and through our faith. Not saying our roles are pre-determined, but we discussed who would do what and agree'd upon that during pre-marital counseling. She's a business owner and I work for a coporation. She handles her companies finances but I manage our overall personal finances. She's not a big believer in credit cards. I'm very much so into it as we have plenty of start up businesses, rental properties, and other ventures on the horizon. She trusts me completely with the finances but just likes to know how we're doing. I update her when and why I'm doing something with the finances and have an excel sheet that shows our yearly financial strategy. She's the head of the household over the kids and she get's the final say. I have full trust in her on the subject. While sometimes our strageies to certain situations differ we should trust our significant others if we permit them to have the final say on things. We cannot however shut them out of putting input in and theres a fine line of saying how it is and having the final say. Usually it's constant communication.


+100

 

Maybe if OP's DW doesn't desire to control her finances, perhaps there are other roles she could control.

 

I like the way you stated it. I drive the finances while my takes control of other aspects of our lives. It makes a great balance, as he has zero interest in finances (as long as we have a place to live, bills paid, a savings, and food to eat, he doesn't stress it).

 

I think keeping each other in the loop is probably the most important thing, as you stated. You never know when your other half may have an opinion and it shouldn't be ignored.




Starting Score: 2•20 | EQ 550 | TU 498 | EX 505
Current Score: 8•20 | EQ [F8 611] [F9 671] [EQ5 641] [VS3 641] | TU [F8 575] [F9 555] [TU4 537] [VS3 622] | EX [F8 593] [F9 583] [EX2 614] [VS3 611]
Goal Score: 680


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge

SO Starting Score: 2•20 | EQ 502 | TU 484 | EX 521
SO Current Score: 5•20 | EQ [F8 620] [F9 533] [EQ5 653] [VS3 615] | TU [F8 580] [F9 559] [TU4 561] [VS3 602] | EX [F8 617] [F9 549] [EX2 633] [VS3 613]
Goal Score: 680


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge



Message 13 of 16
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Regular Contributor

Re: Managing family credit profiles

I think its important to keep your wife in the loop even with you managing it.  when you make changes, adjustments, employ strategies to reflect scores id include her on that so she feels part of the process.  especially with her credit.  its also an educational opportunity for her to learn.  she may be able to spend as she likes but it is still you who ahs the keys to manage it all.

 

i manage our finances and pay our bills.  my wife gets an alert for every payment i make and we talk once a week on finance and credit.  most of it is her just saying "ok great" but i think it helps her feel included and has a voice to give input if she wanted



Message 14 of 16
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Valued Contributor

Re: Managing family credit profiles

@Jannelo  I definitely agree with your statement.  Not criticizing OP but seems to me you sound threatened by your wife wanting to take control of the finances. After all her pay check is being deposited in bill pay bank account!! 

Message 15 of 16
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Established Member

Re: Managing family credit profiles

I think it all depends on the level of "management" that you do.

 

I help manage my SO's finances (credit cards/retirement accounts/etc), but the key there is 'help.' Early into the process of merging our finances (we have a joint account), she expressed a lack of feeling like a real adult because I had de-facto control of everything that involved money. I found that educating her on how credit works, how to apply for things, and how to manage things helps more than just doing everything for her, and she is much happier feeling like she has some clue about what is going on with our finances. Now, even though she may only understand things at 25% of what I do, she still feels included in the day-to-day of our credit and finances, which is what matters most, as you can always still pay attention to everything you need to to help her out.






Message 16 of 16
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