My Mother is Abusing My Credit

[Anonymous]

Hi guys,

My mother has had financial problems for as long as I can remember and was ill-equipped to teach me financial responsibility. I learned the hard way and am now bouncing back and rebuilding. I've added her as an AU on three cards and I notice that her spending is out of control. I check the balances everyday and have heart palipitations as a result of her spending. It seems that she is a compulsive spender. She pays her bill on time but because she spends so much she's now carrying balances and simply recharges what she pays every month. 

So today I cut her off. I blocked two of the cards and lowered her Amex limit. She will have access to my Amex but that's it.

As a result I feel awful. She makes me feel guilty about how she spolied me while growing up and then I feel obligated to help her. She says it's my fault that she's in financial ruin because she had to sacrifice so much when I was younger. I'm forty and I live in an entire different country! How am I to blame? Is it my responsibility to help her? Was I wrong for cutting her off? How can I make her see the error in her ways? Have any of you experienced this? 

[RSX]

Tough situation

i have made a couple of people AU on my cards, but it is only to help them improve their own credit. I never give them the cards

if someone, no matter who it is, does not have the credit to get their own, after I add them as an AU, I certainly don’t want them spending on those cards

i don’t let anyone guilt trip me.  It is wrong of anyone to do that, in my opinion.  Help is one thing. Making someone feel bad for a past decision is not appropriate

i would make her an AU on different cards, keep the physical card yourself, drop the current ones, and let her know that you are helping her credit, but not letting her use yours anymore  

[GApeachy]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Is it my responsibility to help her? NOPE!   Was I wrong for cutting her off?NOPE! How can I make her see the error in her ways?YOU CAN'T and you SHOULDN'T Have any of you experienced this? NOPE!  But would you do THAT to your children? NOPE!

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[Anonymous]

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@GApeachy wrote:

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@Anonymous wrote:

Is it my responsibility to help her? NOPE!   Was I wrong for cutting her off?NOPE! How can I make her see the error in her ways?YOU CAN'T and you SHOULDN'T Have any of you experienced this? NOPE!  But would you do THAT to your children? NOPE!

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I would never in a million years to do this to my kid! Thank you for the reassurance! 

[GApeachy]

[Anonymous]

Good idea! No physical cards. I just can't do it. 

[Hut1]

This one burns me up inside - CHILDREN ARE NOT A PARENTS RETIREMENT PLAN!

At this stage in my life, I'm running into more and more older baby boomers who are attempting to guilt their children into "returning the favor" of raising them. Last I checked, a parent providing for their child that they birthed/seeded is not a favor. It's a federal requirement. Lol.

I'm sure your mother is a nice lady and a good parent. Let her throw her temper tantrum just as you did as a child, then, with a firm tone and steady eye-contact, say N-O. It also helps if you use the "mom tone" which mimics a low growl. 

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

Who's gonna take care of her when you're both financially ruined?

That's what I would ask her.

[omgitsMatt]

My Mother put utilities in my name, didn't pay them, then they got sent to collections.

Something about money, bills and credit allows loved ones to abuse another's credit easier than had they lifted their wallet and pulled out their physical cash.

I'm just talking morally.

It seems folks find it less difficult talking themselves into abusing credit of someone else than more traditional theft.

Essentially it's no different IMO.

Only you can prevent it though. Stick to your guns, keep her away from your credit.

Say whatever you want to be nice, avoid confrontation, appease, soothe feelings or whatever but keep her out of your credit or you'll end up in a really really bad spot.

Or boldly confront it and speak your mind? Tell her how it is, preach the gospel.

But protect your credit no matter what avenue of confrontation you choose.

I empathize, good luck

[ChessChik47]

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@Hut1 wrote:

This one burns me up inside - CHILDREN ARE NOT A PARENTS RETIREMENT PLAN!

At this stage in my life, I'm running into more and more older baby boomers who are attempting to guilt their children into "returning the favor" of raising them. Last I checked, a parent providing for their child that they birthed/seeded is not a favor. It's a federal requirement. Lol.

I'm sure your mother is a nice lady and a good parent. Let her throw her temper tantrum just as you did as a child, then, with a firm tone and steady eye-contact, say N-O. It also helps if you use the "mom tone" which mimics a low growl. 

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AMEN!!!  It burns me up too!!!  My parents, love them dearly, but when it comes to money...ugh!  The choices they made and now have to live with seem to have become my problem.  NO MORE!  I'm not the Bank of ChessChik47!!!  

OP, stick to your guns, protect your credit, and just say NO.  Don't be guilted into doing anything you aren't comfortable doing.