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My Mother is Abusing My Credit

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My Mother is Abusing My Credit

Hi guys,

 

My mother has had financial problems for as long as I can remember and was ill-equipped to teach me financial responsibility. I learned the hard way and am now bouncing back and rebuilding. I've added her as an AU on three cards and I notice that her spending is out of control. I check the balances everyday and have heart palipitations as a result of her spending. It seems that she is a compulsive spender. She pays her bill on time but because she spends so much she's now carrying balances and simply recharges what she pays every month. 

So today I cut her off. I blocked two of the cards and lowered her Amex limit. She will have access to my Amex but that's it.

 

As a result I feel awful. She makes me feel guilty about how she spolied me while growing up and then I feel obligated to help her. She says it's my fault that she's in financial ruin because she had to sacrifice so much when I was younger. I'm forty and I live in an entire different country! How am I to blame? Is it my responsibility to help her? Was I wrong for cutting her off? How can I make her see the error in her ways? Have any of you experienced this? 

Starting Score: EX634 EQ683 TU663
Current Score 22/8: EX637 EQ659 TU657
Goal Score: 700


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Message 1 of 13
12 REPLIES 12
Regular Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

Tough situation

 

i have made a couple of people AU on my cards, but it is only to help them improve their own credit. I never give them the cards

 

if someone, no matter who it is, does not have the credit to get their own, after I add them as an AU, I certainly don’t want them spending on those cards

 

i don’t let anyone guilt trip me.  It is wrong of anyone to do that, in my opinion.  Help is one thing. Making someone feel bad for a past decision is not appropriate

 

i would make her an AU on different cards, keep the physical card yourself, drop the current ones, and let her know that you are helping her credit, but not letting her use yours anymore  

July 31/2019. EX-712. EQ-704. TU-726
Aug 23/2019. EX-709 EQ-710 TU-731
Sept 9/2019. EX-707 EQ-714 TU-731
Message 2 of 13
Valued Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit


@frugalinfrance wrote:

Is it my responsibility to help her? NOPE!   Was I wrong for cutting her off?NOPE! How can I make her see the error in her ways?YOU CAN'T and you SHOULDN'T Have any of you experienced this? NOPE!  But would you do THAT to your children? NOPE!


 


"My Take Home Pay Don't Take Me Home"

Personal Credit: Synovus Tloc/Venture/Savor/Chrome gas&restaurant/Chrome Cashback/GoodSamsVisa/CareCredit/Lowes/HomeDepot
Business Credit: AmazonNet55/Amex Lowes/Dell/LowesPro/Staples/Spark
Inquiries: 9EXP, 4TU, 5EQ (most fall off by Nov 2021)
Scores: EXP714, TU737, EQ735
Message 3 of 13
Valued Member

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit


@LauraC wrote:

@frugalinfrance wrote:

Is it my responsibility to help her? NOPE!   Was I wrong for cutting her off?NOPE! How can I make her see the error in her ways?YOU CAN'T and you SHOULDN'T Have any of you experienced this? NOPE!  But would you do THAT to your children? NOPE!


 


I would never in a million years to do this to my kid! Thank you for the reassurance! 

Starting Score: EX634 EQ683 TU663
Current Score 22/8: EX637 EQ659 TU657
Goal Score: 700


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge



Message 4 of 13
Valued Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

Heart


"My Take Home Pay Don't Take Me Home"

Personal Credit: Synovus Tloc/Venture/Savor/Chrome gas&restaurant/Chrome Cashback/GoodSamsVisa/CareCredit/Lowes/HomeDepot
Business Credit: AmazonNet55/Amex Lowes/Dell/LowesPro/Staples/Spark
Inquiries: 9EXP, 4TU, 5EQ (most fall off by Nov 2021)
Scores: EXP714, TU737, EQ735
Message 5 of 13
Valued Member

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

Good idea! No physical cards. I just can't do it. 

Starting Score: EX634 EQ683 TU663
Current Score 22/8: EX637 EQ659 TU657
Goal Score: 700


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge



Message 6 of 13
Established Member

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

This one burns me up inside - CHILDREN ARE NOT A PARENTS RETIREMENT PLAN!

 

At this stage in my life, I'm running into more and more older baby boomers who are attempting to guilt their children into "returning the favor" of raising them. Last I checked, a parent providing for their child that they birthed/seeded is not a favor. It's a federal requirement. Lol.

 

I'm sure your mother is a nice lady and a good parent. Let her throw her temper tantrum just as you did as a child, then, with a firm tone and steady eye-contact, say N-O. It also helps if you use the "mom tone" which mimics a low growl. 


FICO8 as of 09/2019
Message 7 of 13
Super Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

Who's gonna take care of her when you're both financially ruined?

 

That's what I would ask her.








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Message 8 of 13
Regular Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit

My Mother put utilities in my name, didn't pay them, then they got sent to collections.

Something about money, bills and credit allows loved ones to abuse another's credit easier than had they lifted their wallet and pulled out their physical cash.

I'm just talking morally.

It seems folks find it less difficult talking themselves into abusing credit of someone else than more traditional theft.

Essentially it's no different IMO.

Only you can prevent it though. Stick to your guns, keep her away from your credit.

Say whatever you want to be nice, avoid confrontation, appease, soothe feelings or whatever but keep her out of your credit or you'll end up in a really really bad spot.

Or boldly confront it and speak your mind? Tell her how it is, preach the gospel.

But protect your credit no matter what avenue of confrontation you choose.

I empathize, good luck
Message 9 of 13
Regular Contributor

Re: My Mother is Abusing My Credit


@Hut1 wrote:

This one burns me up inside - CHILDREN ARE NOT A PARENTS RETIREMENT PLAN!

 

At this stage in my life, I'm running into more and more older baby boomers who are attempting to guilt their children into "returning the favor" of raising them. Last I checked, a parent providing for their child that they birthed/seeded is not a favor. It's a federal requirement. Lol.

 

I'm sure your mother is a nice lady and a good parent. Let her throw her temper tantrum just as you did as a child, then, with a firm tone and steady eye-contact, say N-O. It also helps if you use the "mom tone" which mimics a low growl. 


AMEN!!!  It burns me up too!!!  My parents, love them dearly, but when it comes to money...ugh!  The choices they made and now have to live with seem to have become my problem.  NO MORE!  I'm not the Bank of ChessChik47!!!  

 

OP, stick to your guns, protect your credit, and just say NO.  Don't be guilted into doing anything you aren't comfortable doing.  

Message 10 of 13
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