My son is mad at me (automobile related)

[sourpuss29]

He asked me to cosign a car loan for him; and when I promptly told him, "No", he had the audacity to get an attitude. In addition to his reaction pissing me off, my feelings were lowkey hurt, because I have ALWAYS had his back whenever he needed me; however, my (good) credit is one thing that I will not put on the line for him...or anyone else.

In light of his getting a VERY good job a couple of months back that pays extremely well, he feels as though I shouldn't mind doing this favor for him, but his income had no bearing whatsoever on my not feeling comfortable with granting his request.  What it all boils down to for me is the fact that he does a HORRIBLE job managing his money; and now that he's making more of it, I think it's only going to get worse.

He's worked since he was 15; and even though I taught him the basics, he has consistently refused to save ANY portion of his wages and only wants to SPEND SPEND SPEND. As it relates specifically to his credit:  when I started my rebuild in 2019 and learned the ropes, I passed the knowledge I had acquired on to him so that he could begin his own journey; but instead of listening to me, he went rogue and applied for five credit cards, with nary a major one in sight. (He has constantly asked to be added as an AU on mine as well; but in light of his being hard-headed, my response has always been, NOPE.)

The sense of entitlement is really baffling to me, but the thing that irks me the most is his not respecting my stance.  Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?

[Horseshoez]

@sourpuss29, the term "tough love" comes to mind here.  You absolutely did the right thing and I strongly recommend you stick to your guns; he'll figure it out sooner or later, and by the sound of things, he'll figure it out the hard way.  Once figured out, he'll probably be good to go; long story short, you just did him a HUGE favor! 

[sourpuss29]

@Horseshoez 

Tough love, indeed, and I definitely WON'T be moved. 

[Brian_Earl_Spilner]

I think you did the right thing. Did you actually explain why it was a no? If not, you probably should.

[sourpuss29]

@Brian_Earl_Spilner 

I did, but he insisted on pretending that I was wrong as it pertains to his money mismanagement.🙄 I also reminded him that had he listened to me two years ago, his credit would be in MUCH better shape, but he wasn't particularly interested in that.😏 

[tcbofade]

Oh yes.  One of my three ducks made a similar request a few years ago, and the answer was a firm no.  I don't co sign for anyone other than my wife.  She is under strict orders to not co sign for anyone other than myself.

I explained to my daughter that I simply don't have the funds to cover the note and co signing makes me responsible for it, so no.

She fussed a bit, and I DID send her some dollars to help her repair her existing automobile, but I did NOT co sign  a loan for a newer one.

You did right.  He'll be angry for a while, but will eventually see your wisdom.

[sourpuss29]

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@tcbofade wrote:

Oh yes.  One of my three ducks made a similar request a few years ago, and the answer was a firm no.  I don't co sign for anyone other than my wife.  She is under strict orders to not co sign for anyone other than myself.

I explained to my daughter that I simply don't have the funds to cover the note and co signing makes me responsible for it, so no.

She fussed a bit, and I DID send her some dollars to help her repair her existing automobile, but I did NOT co sign  a loan for a newer one.

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@tcbofade 

As it pertains to the bolded:  when I told him that I've brought my credit too far and that I'm not going to put the progress I've made at risk, he had the nerve to say that there wouldn't be any because of how much money he makes every month. He's so hung up on DOLLARS; however, I'm wise enough to know that ANYTHING can happen later on down the line.

I can honestly say that he and I have NEVER had a falling out, and I think that his lack of respect for my viewpoint speaks to how immature he is.  It's odd to me that (some) adults think their parents owe them something; and as long as we say, "Yes," to whatever they need or want, everything's peachy...as if taking care of them for 18 years wasn't enough. *rollz eyez*

[krielly]

I helped my son purchase a vehicle a couple years ago, but NOT by cosigning. He has requested I do so, and I declined.

We found a car for around $3500. I took a personal loan at 6.9% in MY name, and wrote a promissary note (listing his vehicle as collateral) I had him sign. I also listed myself as a leinholder on his title, which I held until he finished paying me off. 

He had to give me 1/4 of the payment each week, and I would make the monthly payment. Once I felt he had made some consistent payments for a few months, I allowed him to pay me every 2 weeks.

I also took the loan out for 3 years, but told him this was a 2 year loan. He made his payments accordingly. I just wanted to keep the payment lower on my end in case he defaulted.

This may be an option you are able to consider. In addition, by taking a personal loan, rather than cosigning a vehicle loan, it was an unsecured loan to me, which allowed me to keep my name off from the vehicle registration (and title - other than as a lienholder) and therefore eliminate any financial responsibility on my end if he had an accident.

K

[RSX]

Sort of

my son calls me in Dec 2018 - asking for part of a down payment on a car - didnt ask to cosign, but wanted a $1000 towards the downpayment on a VERY USED $23k car - HIGH miles - that he would be the fifth owner on and the type of car that is beat to crap by every owner

he was only making $28k per year and had only had the job 2 months - plus had zero credit at the time

i gave him $600 - told him the first $100 was an XMAS present - and asked for a small amount every month - since $500 is not a lot of money to pay down

A Relative cosigns - which if he had asked me i would have said dont do it

first thing that happens is it wont pass emissions - because of extensive modding that previous owner did  - he drops major dollars on it, just to try to get a license plate for it

once it passed, he then proceeds to spend every dollar he has on it to get it faster and better - of course each mod leads to more breakage (i know how this works, as i did sort of the same - but my car was new and i could afford the cost)

skip forward a year, and his Relative claims bankruptcy.... car is repossesed - he likely owes over $10k+ on a car that he doesnt have anymore.....(i dont know the details - i stayed out of that part)

2 years later he has paid me only $100.... every 3 or 4 months i remind him that simply $25 per month would have an impact..

***note - i also learned from my father that if you lend money, pretend you will never get it back, and if it does come back, that is a bonus

soooo - yes you were right in saying NO - if you cant afford to get the car (or any loan) on your own, that means you cant afford the car or whatever you are trying to get

that said, anyone who feels comfortable cosigning so that the interest rate is lower, should feel free to do so - but always keeping in mind that is basically YOUR loan at that point, and you may end up paying the whole amount on your own - as long as you know that, all good

and no one should guilt anyone into cosigning for anything - ever

[sourpuss29]

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@krielly wrote:

I helped my son purchase a vehicle a couple years ago, but NOT by cosigning. He has requested I do so, and I declined.

We found a car for around $3500. I took a personal loan at 6.9% in MY name, and wrote a promissary note (listing his vehicle as collateral) I had him sign. I also listed myself as a leinholder on his title, which I held until he finished paying me off. 

He had to give me 1/4 of the payment each week, and I would make the monthly payment. Once I felt he had made some consistent payments for a few months, I allowed him to pay me every 2 weeks.

I also took the loan out for 3 years, but told him this was a 2 year loan. He made his payments accordingly. I just wanted to keep the payment lower on my end in case he defaulted.

This may be an option you are able to consider. In addition, by taking a personal loan, rather than cosigning a vehicle loan, it was an unsecured loan to me, which allowed me to keep my name off from the vehicle registration (and title - other than as a lienholder) and therefore eliminate any financial responsibility on my end if he had an accident.

K

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@krielly 

Thanks for the suggestion; and although I had actually entertained the idea, I'm not going to do it.

My son is the type of kid who thinks that he's sooooooo intelligent. While he possesses book smarts in spades (currently pursuing his PhD), he lacks basic common sense and is arrogant enough to honestly believe that he is smarter than me; but had he listened to the advice and guidance I offered him two years ago, he would not be in a position where he needs a co-signer. (Due to being rebuilder friendly, I even told him to join DCU like I did, and he couldn't even be bothered to do that.)

From my perspective, the ONLY person he should be mad at is himself for not following my lead.  Hopefully the hard line I'm taking will teach him a VALUABLE lesson going forward:  listen to your mother, because she usually DOES know best.