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Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

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Senior Contributor

Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

Oldest son who makes good money but spends it like water announced he doesnot have enough money for his rent which also means not enough for food or  gas.   DW told him not take off unpaid time.  Trying to decide what to do. I don't want to reward bad behavior    Perhaps 30 days in   his car would do him good?    I have avoided giving him money for over 1 year and refuse to but need to figure how to prevent this from happending again. He makes over $50K single and rent is $650 includes all utlties

Message 1 of 14
13 REPLIES 13
Community Leader
Valued Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

He's a big boy, if he chooses to take unpaid time off and doesn't have any savings or money to ride him over that is HIS fault.

Believe me been there done that, you just have to let them live and learn , it's hard I know but let him rise or fall , his choices.
Message 2 of 14
Senior Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

I know. Thanks you reaffirmed my beliefs. Twice I have let him  paint himself into a corner. I did not not hep him then either. I just get tired of it.

$50K a year $650 rent and $400 car note and he can't make it.   I know people that would kill for either his income or rent he blows the paycheck  I just want him to learn to do better

Message 3 of 14
Community Leader
Valued Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

Oh I completely understand. I have 3 children my youngest will be in her third year of college this fall and she is doing very well.

My oldest is ok but struggles and I bailed him and his family out on small occasions and last fall they got way behind on car payment, both had to get to work. (They share car) I helped them out,put myself in a little hold and told them that's it , make sure you pay on time every month. Well you know the story 8 months later the car gets repoed. Grrrrr I said well I am sorry you guys will have to figure this out all on your own.

My middle son has majors issues and I have learned can be there for his mental and emotional support but the rest is on him .

I know even when They grow up ( Well in age lol) it is still hard to do tough love but I commend you for sticking to your guns.

Well done
Message 4 of 14
Valued Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

Tell him to get some credit cards and you are not a bank.

If you feel bad, bail him out for the month and take his checks for the next 3 months and pay yourself back and pay his bills.

Make him live on half his income for 90 days.

 

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Message 5 of 14
Senior Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to


@Shooting-For-800 wrote:

Tell him to get some credit cards and you are not a bank.

If you feel bad, bail him out for the month and take his checks for the next 3 months and pay yourself back and pay his bills.

Make him live on half his income for 90 days.

 


His credit is so bad he could not even get a secured card. He has not paid just about every one at some point in time. With Goldigger #1 he paid for all her food, gas, clothes and his.  They went out to eat/ drink  every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Then regular bills he bailed.  The only way I would loan him money is on a confession note/loan based   NY law. They require  nothing  no notice/ no process served on him just tell the court how much to take out of his pay check. His biggest creditor is the IRS where he "forgot" to pay/file taxes for 4 years.   

Message 6 of 14
Established Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

Wow. Well, I made some pretty stupid financial mistakes in my day. My parents have helped me here and there (when I was in school), but I’ve paid them back. But honestly, my mom was big on the tough love and it helped. Hopefully he’ll learn his lesson one day. If you become his safety net every time, he’ll just continue being reckless.


Aug 2019:

Stats:
Message 7 of 14
Valued Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to


@Backwoods wrote:

@Shooting-For-800 wrote:

Tell him to get some credit cards and you are not a bank.

If you feel bad, bail him out for the month and take his checks for the next 3 months and pay yourself back and pay his bills.

Make him live on half his income for 90 days.

 


His credit is so bad he could not even get a secured card. He has not paid just about every one at some point in time. With Goldigger #1 he paid for all her food, gas, clothes and his.  They went out to eat/ drink  every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Then regular bills he bailed.  The only way I would loan him money is on a confession note/loan based   NY law. They require  nothing  no notice/ no process served on him just tell the court how much to take out of his pay check. His biggest creditor is the IRS where he "forgot" to pay/file taxes for 4 years.   


 

wow.  GL!

Rebuild started in 2014  -  $100k+ unsecured credit in 2017  -  $250k+ unsecured credit in 2019.

DON'T WORK FOR CREDIT CARDS ... MAKE CREDIT CARDS WORK FOR YOU!

10% Rotating - Discover                   5%-20% - Amazon & Lowes                6% Groceries - Amex Preferred (DW)
5% Gas & Sporting - Ducks Unl         4% Dining & Entertain - Savor           3% Travel & Hotels - Flagship, Propel, & Uber
2% Everything Else - Flagship          1% Cancer Charity - Fifth Third          0% Finance Promos - Venture & QuickSilver




    
Message 8 of 14
Established Member

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to

Tough situation. I’m not sure if you have tried in the past, but maybe sit down with him and help him with a monthly budget?. My husband and I manage on 57k a year with 4 kiddos and in a pretty expensive state with a $900 mortgage & 2 car payments and other bills. My point being, he definitely needs to budget. Good Luck!
Message 9 of 14
Senior Contributor

Re: Oldest takes unpaid time off from work because he feels like it now can't rent and wants us to


@Upstatemamaof4 wrote:
Tough situation. I’m not sure if you have tried in the past, but maybe sit down with him and help him with a monthly budget?. My husband and I manage on 57k a year with 4 kiddos and in a pretty expensive state with a $900 mortgage & 2 car payments and other bills. My point being, he definitely needs to budget. Good Luck!

Verbally he will agree/tell you what you want to hear. He is watching money/saving/putting money into 401K paying taxes so forth then  the trueth comes out later  

Message 10 of 14
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