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Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

Valued Contributor

Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

My fiancé works in hospitality and she was contacted by another hotel in Texas (we're in Florida) about a job offer, just out of the blue. She mentioned how she hasn't spoken to this gentleman in over 2 years. It definitely is a step up for her, but I'll have to leave everything behind. Both of my parents are sick (dad is fighting stage 4 liver cancer and mom as a TBI) and I really like my job here. I work for a small mom and pop jewelry store and I look forward to going to work everyday. I don't have a "career" per se, but I can see me working here for a long, long time. Plus, I am considered an un-adopted son and been part of their "family" for almost 20 years now. They always take me out to eat, on their vacations, hell I'm even in their Christmas family photo they send out to everyone, every year.

 

Part of me does not want to go, and give up my job and move from everyone. The other half does not want to get in the middle of her career because she has said several times that she feels like her hotel is a sinking ship and it's only a matter of time. We have had a few talks since all of this (5 days now) and I can tell she's ready to pack up and go, and expects me to be on board. We just moved into a gorgeous condo 2 months ago (along with all the money. I spent around $5K to get stuff we wanted for this place) and may have to be moving again.... I hate moving. I can't remember me staying planted for more than 2 years.

 

I guess my fears are the unknown and the fact that I'm going to have a hard time finding a job that pays what I make with how little hours I work (35 a week) and all the freedom I have. She is thrilled about how her step up she'll be making more money ($100K +) but working less, while I'll be doing the exact opposite. I'm not too thrilled about that. I'm absolutely afraid to spend a single dollar until I know what's going on.

 

If you have followed my other thread she was not keen on splitting expenses based on income. So now she'll be making even more money than me (which does not bother me that she makes more, don't get that twisted) and making it harder on me to pay bills while saving for our future. If something happens she has her parents to fall back on (pretty wealthy) while I don't have anyone to fall back on. In fact I'm taking care of my parents. I have my savings, but in 9 months that will be gone and as everyone knows unless you're making killer money it takes a while to build it back up. 

 

She's literally filling out the application while I'm typing this. I really am drawing a blank about how I'm feeling or going to react if she gets the job. 

 

I guess the only positive is other than my student loans I don't have any other debt. 

 

Here's my other thread if anyone cares to catch up: Handling Finances After Marriage

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Message 1 of 41
40 REPLIES
Community Leader
Senior Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

tough situation.

 

can I ask what part of FL and what part of TX?

 

I grew up in Key West and Miami before settling with my family in Sarasota / Bradenton.

 

Texas would be nice in the city I think but ehh... probably not for me


Message 2 of 41
Valued Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

Tough situation indeed.  I don't think you should move.  I know that both of you has history together but I could not pack up and move to another part of the country knowing that both my parents are ill.  If it was me I would explain to my significant other that I just cannot move at this point of my life.  I would explain the reasons why and hope that they would understand the situation.  

 

If you move, you have a lot to loose.  You have a good paying job, comfort and everything you want.  I would not be willing to give that up so freely.  As you stated if things go sour she has her parents to depend on and you have no one.  Please think this throughly, most important you have your ill parents who needs you the most. 

 

I know it is easier said than done, but right now is not the time to be moving especially across country.  Most Importantly your parents needs you the most.

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Message 3 of 41
Valued Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??


elim wrote:

tough situation.

 

can I ask what part of FL and what part of TX?

 

I grew up in Key West and Miami before settling with my family in Sarasota / Bradenton.

 

Texas would be nice in the city I think but ehh... probably not for me


Sure we're in Tampa and the destination would be San Antonio. I already dislike the summers here (I run hot while she runs cold) I have to have the air down low at night because I sweat so easily, etc. Sarasota and Bradenton are awesome areas. I've done a few triathlons in Long Boat Key and that is a gorgeous area!

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Message 4 of 41
Community Leader
Senior Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

2 1/2 hours from the beach, no ybor city, no boating, no snook fishing, no pier, no rays or bucs games...

 

I guess you shouldn't take any of our advice but maybe it will help you see what's most important to you.

 

it looks like it's growing fast...

 


Message 5 of 41
Valued Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??


Pway wrote:

Tough situation indeed.  I don't think you should move.  I know that both of you has history together but I could not pack up and move to another part of the country knowing that both my parents are ill.  If it was me I would explain to my significant other that I just cannot move at this point of my life.  I would explain the reasons why and hope that they would understand the situation.  

 

If you move, you have a lot to loose.  You have a good paying job, comfort and everything you want.  I would not be willing to give that up so freely.  As you stated if things go sour she has her parents to depend on and you have no one.  Please think this throughly, most important you have your ill parents who needs you the most. 

 

I know it is easier said than done, but right now is not the time to be moving especially across country.  Most Importantly your parents needs you the most.


It's really a tough situation. I've explained my concerns which is enough for now. She has not gotten the job yet so it doesn't need to go further, at least I don't think, at this time. I just have a hard time believing that she won't get the job because he reached out to her out of the blue and said that he mentioned her to his people already. To me it seems like the app is a formality which has sorta put me in panic mode. I really don't know what I'm going to do if she gets the job. It'll be a happy and sad type thing. 

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Message 6 of 41
Valued Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??


elim wrote:

2 1/2 hours from the beach, no ybor city, no boating, no snook fishing, no pier, no rays or bucs games...

 

I guess you shouldn't take any of our advice but maybe it will help you see what's most important to you.

 

it looks like it's growing fast...

 


Yea a lot of stuff that makes Florida so awesome isn't in San An-effing-tonio. So I don't know. It's all so sudden I haven't even processed it. Plus I'm a little hesitant because of how our last fiancial conversations went. I'll post that thread here so you can read some of that. If you want to of course!

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Message 7 of 41
Valued Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

Here's my other thread:

 

Handle Finances Once Married

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Business:


Message 8 of 41
Established Contributor

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

 

As a professional woman (not lady of the night, or someone who gets paid for being a woman, but I digress), my work is important to me, but I get it. I took a job in a place that I hated and left after a year, moving across the country. I hate moving, but I needed to leave the environment.  I also hated that I lost money too. I had a signficant other at the time, and I broke it off. We had already been doing the long-distance thing (just a 30 minute flight) when I moved, but we saw each other about as much as we did when we lived in the same city. Our breakup happened for a variety of reasons, but it was partly because he was also a professional, and finding a job in his area of expertise was nearly impossible. In the end, I couldn't ask him to move for me. 

 

Sounds like you two actually talk, which is good. When you think of your options, is there one that acceptable to both of you to maintain the relationship? Would maintaining a long-distance relationship for a period of time (i.e., to see if she likes this new job, etc.) be possible? 

 

I get that you two are engaged, but you aren't married. There is no obligation for you to go, and you have many compelling (really, non-negotiable) reasons to stay. Ultimately, it comes down to your individual values (e.g. job, family, location, financial security, etc.). If those values differ greatly and no middle ground can be found, the option may be that you don't get married and have to part ways. 

 

 

Garden Club Member since 9/7/2018
Message 9 of 41
Established Member

Re: Relocating to a different part of the country because S/O has a job offer??

Absolutely not. 

 

First of all, I'm in GA, my DREAM is to get down to TPA area (Dunedin my fav!) - one day, but for now, because my dad is stage IV also it's a no go.

 

My dad went quickly from stage IV, unable to receive more treatment (he's been in the battle 1.5yrs now) and is now at home (hospice care) and we are on borrowed time.  This is not the time to leave your family.  My heart goes out to you during this time. In addition your mom is ill.

 

This may be one of those 'things' the universe is telling you this isn't meant for you but I don't know.  As for your fiance, I understand where's she at but my support would be staying where you are for a while.  Or perhaps long distance for a while even.

 

My brother lives in SAT, so I'm very familiar with it-there is NO comparison-if you have a hard time with summers there with tons of water access, I promise you SAT is 10 x worse-it IS hotter, period.  It's not a bad city but you can't compare TPA.  That area in TPA is also booming with hotels and hospitality positions, can she not look for a different hotel there?   Perhaps making less but ENJOYING life more is invaluable IMO.

 

 

Message 10 of 41