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Seeing this girl...

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Seeing this girl...

Hey guys, so I've been talking to this girl for a while now for about a month, she's my age and she has 3 kids. She lives in IA but also we're going to go to MN to check out the mall of America. She also has a baby daddy but she said he's not violent or anything just arguing and stuff. But anyway, she wants 2 more kids or even more and I'm thinking about moving eventually over there, but for now gonna go visit her in Nov. Say, everything goes well and I hope it does, and I'm wanting to move. What's the best option for me to move to her? Should I drive my car over there and transfer license plate, which I heard is cheaper? Or should I sell my car and fly out to her and buy my car there and register that the state that she lives? My car is a 2000 Honda DX - Sedan with 256K miles, I change my oil every 5k miles. I was thinking about getting a rental car and hooking it up to my car but it's still gonna run miles on it and I don't want to transport my car to another state as that's too expensive.

Thank you guys for helping in my everyday life and also even if it's personal, it's okay. We're all here to build good credit in the long run.
Message 1 of 16
15 REPLIES 15
Regular Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Dude don't jump out the window already you've only been seeing her a month. Chill out....

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Message 2 of 16
Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

1 month in and thinking about moving? Wait at least a year, you barely even know the person. In the firts few months, all you see is the good stuff. 

 

Do you have a job over there? Where are you going to live? Do you have an emergency fund?

Message 3 of 16
Regular Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...


@TheBoondocks wrote:
She also has a baby daddy but she said he's not violent or anything just arguing and stuff.  Go and find this out for yourself before uprooting your life. He may not be violent now but as soon as he sees someone in her life and around her kids he might get violent.

But anyway, she wants 2 more kids or even more and I'm thinking about moving eventually over there, but for now gonna go visit her in Nov. Are you also ready for kids (or more kids if you have kids of your own)? Do you think you can be step-daddy to the three thats already there? Say, everything goes well and I hope it does, and I'm wanting to move. What's the best option for me to move to her? Should I drive my car over there and transfer license plate, which I heard is cheaper? Or should I sell my car and fly out to her and buy my car there and register that the state that she lives? My car is a 2000 Honda DX - Sedan with 256K miles, I change my oil every 5k miles. I was thinking about getting a rental car and hooking it up to my car but it's still gonna run miles on it and I don't want to transport my car to another state as that's too expensive.

Thank you guys for helping in my everyday life and also even if it's personal, it's okay. We're all here to build good credit in the long run.

Go visit first and give it some more time before you start to think of moving to a different state. JMHO

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Message 4 of 16
Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

I'll move end of next year or early 2021. Both of my jobs could transfer there to MN. IA first then MN. Yes, have emergency funds, have too.
Message 5 of 16
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Seeing this girl...

@TheBoondocksseveral posters have given you a good deal to think about.

This female person may be the best but, coming with an already made family, questions on the Daddy and the desire to have more babies is a flag on any pole.

Giving up everything so you can be set up to be taken for a ride (or to the cleaners as they used to say) is NOT what you want to do.

Getting to know her and the kids slowly over time and feeling out where this Daddy fits in is important as it can be a split between you and the kids as well as her. My comments are from pursuing a similar situation with a woman that had three kids and I was blind in love. She is a good woman but the ex-daddy thing was big and created problems for the kids when they started calling me "daddy" and the ex (a drunk and dying of cancer) went ballistic.

It can be a good situation but yet complicated to the point do you really just want to be on the hook for child support and kicked to the curb otherwise? Slow is good!

 

Oh, with deep regrets we broke it off (were engaged) and I walked. In truth, no regrets 'too much' for me! As I look back she was married three times. Her quote: "... I am a woman that needs to be married..." OK?!

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Message 6 of 16
Regular Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

"...she has 3 kids....she wants 2 more kids or even more..."

Got a thing for Mormon girls or something? Jeeze. lol

3 kids is a lot. More is absurd. If you're working 2 jobs as it is...you don't want this/this is a situation you can't confidently enter.
You're talking about some *overall* pretty rural areas, so sorry if I'm incorrectly assuming that she isn't well-off/working a relatively high paying job herself.

1 month isn't even a relationship yet (and you're LDR from the sounds of it, too, so really not much there...). Just a heads up, living together is a game changer. You don't get much personal/private time, since you always see each other when home. I've seen plenty of friends be dating their gf for years and then see it blow up by living together within a year. It happens. And that's without kids. And them frequently sleeping over each others' place a few nights each week.
Really consider things before uprooting your life. You have an emergency fund, great. But it's an emergency fund. Remember that. It isn't a gambling fund.

If you're without kids...man, don't do it. lmao
So many of my older co-workers are jealous that I don't have any kids still (just turned 29; don't want them still). If you want kids later, cool. But now isn't the time. Get your life all set up. Focus on yourself. Build something up, so that you can be comfortable with supporting your kids. Don't fall into that trap. Don't fall into the living paycheck to paycheck rat race. Kids are expensive. And annoying. And borderline useless. Get yourself a dog that'll actually make your proud. Training a dog is way more rewarding (I said it. Come at me, parents on myfico) in the meantime.

Time for some borderline offensive man to man talk: there will always be some hot single mother out there. Don't rush to settle down. There's plenty of attractive, good personality chicks out there with just one kid; they got knocked up age 18-22 cause "he said he loved me and would never leave me" (break up 4 months later cause babies suck and destroy all of your happiness) followed by dating toolbags, and now are just looking for a somewhat attractive guy that is stable. Spend 6 months to a year going to the gym and eating healthy and you can have pick of the litter. And since she'll be in her early-mid 20s, she'll be plenty happy to have a child with her supportive hero boyfriend/hubby (two fold: cause people are dumb and think having a child will be a symbol & confirmation of the love in their relationship, and second..."gotcha!" Having a child with you will help her legally, if ever need be. Her last baby daddy may have been a deadbeat, but she's got her claws in a winner now!).


Okay....enough dating advice. You're welcomed to do whatever you want. You had a question:

Check out the site uship. Don't know if the site is as good as it was a couple years ago. You can arrange for a car hauler (the tractor trailers that load up 11 or so cars) to transport your car for you. Usually around $200. However, it helps to be flexible. It's usually private owner operators who are swinging by during a run. So you'll give them a window of when it needs to be picked up, and a window of days you'd want it there by.
But it's probably easiest to make that drive. Usually when you're moving far, you just sell/trash all your old stuff. Buy new stuff at new location. The price of moving all your old stuff isn't worth it.

Message 7 of 16
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Mega Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Is this for real?
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Message 8 of 16
Regular Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Okay so this comment is absolutely everything! I'm 40 and I don't have kids and I'm living my best life in Paris and traveling everywhere. No regrets bro, no friggin' regrets Smiley Happy

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Message 9 of 16
Valued Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...


@TheBoondocks wrote:
Hey guys, so I've been talking to this girl for a while now for about a month, she's my age and she has 3 kids. She lives in IA but also we're going to go to MN to check out the mall of America. She also has a baby daddy but she said he's not violent or anything just arguing and stuff. But anyway, she wants 2 more kids or even more and I'm thinking about moving eventually over there, but for now gonna go visit her in Nov. Say, everything goes well and I hope it does, and I'm wanting to move. What's the best option for me to move to her?Drive, hook up a small rental trailer and haul your stuff. (If you don't have towing ins, which is cheap...get some)Should I drive my car over there and transfer license plate, which I heard is cheaper? Or should I sell my car and fly out to her and buy my car there and register that the state that she lives? My car is a 2000 Honda DX - Sedan with 256K miles, I change my oil every 5k miles. I was thinking about getting a rental car and hooking it up to my car but it's still gonna run miles on it and I don't want to transport my car to another state as that's too expensive.

Thank you guys for helping in my everyday life and also even if it's personal, it's okay. We're all here to build good credit in the long run.

You're putting the cart before the horse with these questions. edited to remove original

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Message 10 of 16
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