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There's a saying that pretty much covers everything, never rush into anything.
She may be the sweetest thing you've ever met, or acts like it. But I've already seen 3 red flags just from your brief story.
I once knew a girl that had 3 babby daddys and still wanted more kids, and apparently didn't care who from. Some people like doing this to get several paydays.
Not saying she is like this, or will be your situation. But it pays to take things slow in the beginning to see where it goes.
Next she'll play the victim while playing the hero.....I'll suffer so you don't. You're better off without me. Careful
@TheBoondocks wrote:
Time is getting nearer and nearer and she finally let the cat out the bag, telling me that I don't think you should see me cause I don't want to weigh you down and I'm financially in debt - $18K and her car recently broke down and even that car isn't paid off, and she has so much going on. I wish she told me that earlier but I feel like she's making excuses. I wish I could cancel the hotels and airfare that I book thru Chase UR but idk I'ma see if I could cancel the hotel tho and just call it a loss. But, I just don't feel it anymore honestly. It's just not the same...
@TheBoondocks... your original post and the many comments that followed all were aimed at keeping your eyes open as some of us have been down similar paths! It is hard when the heart gets excited and puts our common and business sense in the back seat.
For me being older I have been "gold digger" chased by the last five women I went out with. What they flat out told me was they wanted a farm hand and some one to pay the bills (best one was the woman who brought her 20 year old daughter on the date and wanted me to help with the college tuition as the daughter did not want to work). Went home and looked in the mirror wondering if it said "dumb" or "stupid" on my forehead or just plain "sucker"?
Even a fisherman knows better than to tell the fish he baited the hook to snag him?! At my age it is fortunate I can control the 'heart' ... sorry for your findings. You are among people who understand! Oh, as an aside the more we age the smaller the available pool of quality men and women gets so we need to use caution as we work through the process of slowly getting to know a someone. Amend!
@TheBoondocks wrote:
Time is getting nearer and nearer and she finally let the cat out the bag, telling me that I don't think you should see me cause I don't want to weigh you down and I'm financially in debt - $18K and her car recently broke down and even that car isn't paid off, and she has so much going on. I wish she told me that earlier but I feel like she's making excuses. I wish I could cancel the hotels and airfare that I book thru Chase UR but idk I'ma see if I could cancel the hotel tho and just call it a loss. But, I just don't feel it anymore honestly. It's just not the same...
I would consider that a very cheap lesson compared to what it could have been.
Out of pure non-judgy curiosity... Did you meet her in MN, or did you travel to IA first to meet her, and then travel together to MN?
I found myself in a sort of similar situation in my younger days. I once had a female friend (with a baby) that I worked with who I was interested in propose moving in together as roomates (we weren't dating at the time). Thankfully my friends got to me and stopped me from thinking with the little head and to look at the situation objectively. Was hard to do, but ultimately a good thing as I found out a few months later that she was pregant with another child, but still not actually dating anyone.
Thank goodness I'm married now and don't have to worry about this stuff anymore.
Glad you dodged your bullet. And if you feel good that you helped her out and don't feel like you were taken advantage of, you're a good person!
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