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Seeing this girl...

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Valued Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

There's a saying that pretty much covers everything, never rush into anything. 

 

She may be the sweetest thing you've ever met, or acts like it. But I've already seen 3 red flags just from your brief story.

I once knew a girl that had 3 babby daddys and still wanted more kids, and apparently didn't care who from. Some people like doing this to get several paydays.

 

Not saying she is like this, or will be your situation. But it pays to take things slow in the beginning to see where it goes.






Message 11 of 29
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Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Time is getting nearer and nearer and she finally let the cat out the bag, telling me that I don't think you should see me cause I don't want to weigh you down and I'm financially in debt - $18K and her car recently broke down and even that car isn't paid off, and she has so much going on. I wish she told me that earlier but I feel like she's making excuses. I wish I could cancel the hotels and airfare that I book thru Chase UR but idk I'ma see if I could cancel the hotel tho and just call it a loss. But, I just don't feel it anymore honestly. It's just not the same...
Message 12 of 29
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Senior Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Next she'll play the victim while playing the hero.....I'll suffer so you don't.  You're better off without me.  CarefulSmiley Wink

"MY TAKE HOME PAY WON'T TAKE ME HOME"
Message 13 of 29
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Moderator Emeritus

Re: Seeing this girl...


@TheBoondocks wrote:
Time is getting nearer and nearer and she finally let the cat out the bag, telling me that I don't think you should see me cause I don't want to weigh you down and I'm financially in debt - $18K and her car recently broke down and even that car isn't paid off, and she has so much going on. I wish she told me that earlier but I feel like she's making excuses. I wish I could cancel the hotels and airfare that I book thru Chase UR but idk I'ma see if I could cancel the hotel tho and just call it a loss. But, I just don't feel it anymore honestly. It's just not the same...

@TheBoondocks... your original post and the many comments that followed all were aimed at keeping your eyes open as some of us have been down similar paths! It is hard when the heart gets excited and puts our common and business sense in the back seat.

 

For me being older I have been "gold digger" chased by the last five women I went out with. What they flat out told me was they wanted a farm hand and some one to pay the bills (best one was the woman who brought her 20 year old daughter on the date and wanted me to help with the college tuition as the daughter did not want to work). Went home and looked in the mirror wondering if it said "dumb" or "stupid" on my forehead or just plain "sucker"?

 

Even a fisherman knows better than to tell the fish he baited the hook to snag him?! At my age it is fortunate I can control the 'heart' ... sorry for your findings. You are among people who understand! Oh, as an aside the more we age the smaller the available pool of quality men and women gets so we need to use caution as we work through the process of slowly getting to know a someone. Amend!

Message 14 of 29
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Valued Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...


@TheBoondocks wrote:
Time is getting nearer and nearer and she finally let the cat out the bag, telling me that I don't think you should see me cause I don't want to weigh you down and I'm financially in debt - $18K and her car recently broke down and even that car isn't paid off, and she has so much going on. I wish she told me that earlier but I feel like she's making excuses. I wish I could cancel the hotels and airfare that I book thru Chase UR but idk I'ma see if I could cancel the hotel tho and just call it a loss. But, I just don't feel it anymore honestly. It's just not the same...

I would consider that a very cheap lesson compared to what it could have been.

Message 15 of 29
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Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Well I seen her in real life and let's say the first day it wasn't good cause I said something I shouldn't have said but then it all turned out well.
Message 16 of 29
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New Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Is this a real post?!?!?!?
Message 17 of 29
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New Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Hahahahaha omggggggg this happened to me once about 8 years ago!

Except her 3 kids were from THREE DIFFERENT EX-HUSBANDS!!!

Never again!!!
Message 18 of 29
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Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Yeah, never again man. I gave her some money to buy a car, she said she will pay me back the following week. Never got anything back yet leave me in the dark. But she knows what's going on. It's good, she's struggling anyway, 3 kids and everything else she got going on. I don't look at it as a bad thing as I used to, it's for a good cause to help her and the fam but it's a lesson learned cause I will never do that again...
Message 19 of 29
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Established Contributor

Re: Seeing this girl...

Out of pure non-judgy curiosity...  Did you meet her in MN, or did you travel to IA first to meet her, and then travel together to MN? 

 

I  found myself in a sort of similar situation in my younger days.  I once had a female friend (with a baby) that I worked with who I was interested in propose moving in together as roomates (we weren't dating at the time).  Thankfully my friends got to me and stopped me from thinking with the little head and to look at the situation objectively.   Was hard to do, but ultimately a good thing as I found out a few months later that she was pregant with another child, but still not actually dating anyone.

 

Thank goodness I'm married now and don't have to worry about this stuff anymore.  Smiley Happy

 

Glad you dodged your bullet.   And if you feel good that you helped her out and don't feel like you were taken advantage of, you're a good person!

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Message 20 of 29
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