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Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Thank you Wa3more1 .... I'll look into that.
Message 21 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Nope! It won't pass.
Message 22 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Gemini:

Don't worry, I would never force him out.

He did agree to let me keep his SS check, but he also gets 2 pensions that equal what I'll have each month.

We'll both be even, but I have to pay rent. He'll be paying taxes on the house.

Now let me help you feel better. The house is unlivable . .. trust me! The reason I moved back to help him, was to get him into the tiny house and OUT of the main house.

He now has 2 very nice, warm and comfortable tiny houses to live in, instead of one very small dump. He has a son who will eventually help him put the two houses together to make one house.

His dementia is very early on, so he's not ready for nor does he want to, go to a facility.

He also has his VA loan, which is why I'm helping him bring his credit scores up, so he can use it if he wants.

He's talked about perhaps using it to get a small house closer to his family, a few years after I leave.

My husband is very passive aggressive and neglectful, and can be emotionally abusive. So the fact that I came back from Washington to straighten out his finances, get him into a nicer place, and am living in a shed/tiny house until everything is done, does NOT indicate a poor old man who's being taken advantage of, believe me!

I'm the one who will be starting over with just a few thousand dollars when I leave.

I hope that helps you see things better.
Message 23 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

I'm not sure I know what you're saying WarCulture.
Message 24 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

I've suggested that ... he wants to stay here and be independent.
Message 25 of 35
Frequent Contributor

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?


@Mochabreve222 wrote:
I'm not sure I know what you're saying WarCulture.

Well after reading your replies, I assume its a moot point.

 

I have a friend who's dad couldn't keep his house together, multiple things failing. He negleted those things until they became more expensive to fix than the home was worth. His kids wanted(did) to sell the house and use the money to fund him a senior living arrangement.

 

He didn't want to go to a facility, so they spent a year looking for a really nice place considering they were all living with roomies etc. They finally found this place that had small (1br) homes surrounding a gated lake w/ ducks etc.

 

They took him there without acknowledging it as senior living, to see how he reacted to the environment. Needless to say, he knew immediately what it was and told them he loved it and there was relief on both sides I assume. 

 

Not all senior living places are cramped and horrid hospital style buildings. Some are really nice and could please most people, but they're resticted to seniors to keep the experience calm and somber.

 

Again, a moot point after reading your replies. 

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Message 26 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

There is also section 8 housing. I would suggest visiting your local social services and see what help you can get there.
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Message 27 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Mocha,
Forgive me, my comments weren't directed AT you...I was amazed at how OTHER ppl were suggesting things BEYOND what I thought you were willing to do TO, your spouse ( and you proved me right, by saying you'd never just kick the guy further)
I could tell you had more compassion than that but that YOU obviously have more reasons for leaving (rightly or wrongly, if he wants to stay...that's his problem and he should be welcome to it)

I unfortunately, understand your situation all to well, I was giving the guy props for not being a total jack as ( he earned his pensions and his SS, agreeing to go ahead and share it w/o a long drawn out court situation, deserves IMO at least a head nod, not folks suggesting to throw the man in the streets ( you didn't say that) you and he seem to at least trying to work it out as best two decently acting ppl can.

I mean no harm, in making this statement.
You said you want to be in WA. state near your oldest son yet he doesn't "want to" live with you....that again no offense would make me really consider the BEST financially viable scenario vs the desire to be near him.

I mean, no disrespect to your son ( everybody gets to choose their own path) but IMHO don't allow YOUR desire of being near him cloud, what may be the best overall choice for your viability....
A) He's living with roommates ( how are his finances)
B) He has made it clear, he wouldn't be willing to have his Momma live under the roof he's in
I'm sorry that speaks volmues to me, again nothing negative....just that you IMO need to be looking out for #1,2&3 and their all YOU with proximity to him being way down the list.

Best of Luck
Message 28 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Gemini: Thank you, reading your post this morning made me cry. It's very very hard for me to think of myself, as having just lost one son, feel I should be near the other.

Thank you again for your thoughtful post.
Message 29 of 35
Established Member

Re: Seniors ... and our dilemma. Suggestions?

Could i ask you guys/gals to peek ay my nwew post in "Rebuilding Credit".

I'd love to get some suggestions on the issue.

It's titled "Verizon settle for delete".

Thanks ahead of time. :-)
Message 30 of 35