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Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.

Valued Member

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.


@A1Credit wrote:

I'll weigh in...The adult thing to have done years ago when you moved back to town with $15k in debt would have been to move back in with your mom and bite the bullet on her rules.  It was not forever and although you were the age of an adult, you were not in a position to go out on your own saddled with $15k in debt and an inability to make good headway in eliminating that debt.

 

Part of being an adult is making logical decisions that often have no room for emotional feelings.  You could have lived with her, wiped out the debt and now be in a much better financial situation, including living on your own.  Unfortunately, we cannot go back in time and this is not to come down hard on you about your past decisions.  We have all been there but you do need to realize the error and try to learn from it.

 

Now here you are with double the debt you had years ago.  The smart and logical thing to do would be to lay your cards on the table with your mom.  She seems pretty reasonable aside from that blurb about not wanting to help you while in school.  Tell her your income, and about your debt (whether you decided to give her the real amount is up to you but if not I hope you can keep your lies straight), and offer her an amount you can comfortably pay and pay down your debt.  If you moved out, any apartment complex will obtain that same information.  I know in your mind that is not the same since they are a stranger and you could probably care less what they think about you financially unlike your mom but you have to understand everyone goes through difficulities.  Yes, she will probably be upset and may fuss but it's probably what you need to hear anyway and will motivate you further to not ever find yourself in this predicament again.

 

Well that was my dime and I spilled it.  Good luck to you!


Thanks. Overall, I agree with you though I think you mixed up some facts. I moved back to my hometown a little over two years ago. The $15,000 was circa 2012 and I had paid a lot of it down before I moved back home. I was on the right track! Everything went downhill with the roommate, and I wound up racking up what I had worked hard to pay off, plus more. Smiley Sad 

 

When I declined the $400 monthly rent, my roommate was offering to pay half the rent eventually. Roomie also wanted to take over the rent completely, about halfway through the lease, to make up for the beginning of the lease period. Had roomie paid half the rent, my 50% contribution would have been about $550-600, including utilities. 

 

My point is, with a roommate, I would have been paying an extra $150-200 than my mom's rent for more space, privacy and no rules. The extra few hundred could have been thrown towards savings and debt. But hindsight is 20/20. If I had known that my roommate was dishonest, manipulative, abusive, coercive, etc., I would have kept my narrow arse at my mom's house. 

 

Lesson learned. 

 

I'm on a debt-free journey, y'all.
Message 11 of 16
Established Contributor

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.


@anonMDA wrote:

@A1Credit wrote:

I'll weigh in...The adult thing to have done years ago when you moved back to town with $15k in debt would have been to move back in with your mom and bite the bullet on her rules.  It was not forever and although you were the age of an adult, you were not in a position to go out on your own saddled with $15k in debt and an inability to make good headway in eliminating that debt.

 

Part of being an adult is making logical decisions that often have no room for emotional feelings.  You could have lived with her, wiped out the debt and now be in a much better financial situation, including living on your own.  Unfortunately, we cannot go back in time and this is not to come down hard on you about your past decisions.  We have all been there but you do need to realize the error and try to learn from it.

 

Now here you are with double the debt you had years ago.  The smart and logical thing to do would be to lay your cards on the table with your mom.  She seems pretty reasonable aside from that blurb about not wanting to help you while in school.  Tell her your income, and about your debt (whether you decided to give her the real amount is up to you but if not I hope you can keep your lies straight), and offer her an amount you can comfortably pay and pay down your debt.  If you moved out, any apartment complex will obtain that same information.  I know in your mind that is not the same since they are a stranger and you could probably care less what they think about you financially unlike your mom but you have to understand everyone goes through difficulities.  Yes, she will probably be upset and may fuss but it's probably what you need to hear anyway and will motivate you further to not ever find yourself in this predicament again.

 

Well that was my dime and I spilled it.  Good luck to you!


Thanks. Overall, I agree with you though I think you mixed up some facts. I moved back to my hometown a little over two years ago. The $15,000 was circa 2012 and I had paid a lot of it down before I moved back home. I was on the right track! Everything went downhill with the roommate, and I wound up racking up what I had worked hard to pay off, plus more. Smiley Sad 

 

When I declined the $400 monthly rent, my roommate was offering to pay half the rent eventually. Roomie also wanted to take over the rent completely, about halfway through the lease, to make up for the beginning of the lease period. Had roomie paid half the rent, my 50% contribution would have been about $550-600, including utilities. 

 

My point is, with a roommate, I would have been paying an extra $150-200 than my mom's rent for more space, privacy and no rules. The extra few hundred could have been thrown towards savings and debt. But hindsight is 20/20. If I had known that my roommate was dishonest, manipulative, abusive, coercive, etc., I would have kept my narrow arse at my mom's house. 

 

Lesson learned. 

 


I apologize if I confused some facts but the bottom line is you really can't afford to live on your own.  You are having to depend on a roommate to survive financially and unless you luck up and find a good roommate, it's just not a good idea.  

 

You are right though, hindsight is 20/20 so learn from that mistake and stay at your mom's until you are able to go out on your own and if that means sucking it up, living by her rules, and paying her some kind of amount in "rent" then do it.  You really don't have many other options.  If it was me I would lay my cards out on the table with my mom or dad and ask that they help and allow you to get back on your feet while contributing a feasible amount towards the living expenses.  I know you said your mom freaked the last time she learned about your debt and she will probably freak again but her freaking out won't hurt you other than being ashame.  

 

I hope you are able to make a decision that you feel comfortable with because it is your life and your situation.  I know I have had to ask my mom for help and I hated every bit of it because of my pride and independence but it was sink or swim time and I was tired of treading water.

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Message 12 of 16
Highlighted
Frequent Contributor

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.

If I may from a "Moms" Perspective .. I currently am in the position of being on the other side ... my DD, her 1yr old and fiancee just moved back in with me 3 mos ago.  From my side of the street, I'm still raising a child (he's in HS) and here she is asking me to not only take them all in, but change our entire life around (baby=sleep deprivation..lol) but I said "yes" after son and I discussed it (It's his home too).

 

I set the ground rules before the first moving box was even loaded...

 

Be honest with me, I need to know salary, debts and plans to save to get own place...why? so I have an idea of how long this will last and debts? so I can help advise how to pay down/get a handle, salary? because it's not my job to support you and your family but I don't want to set you up for failure and I will require a small amount because once again it's not my job to support your family (also it holds them accountable.)

 

I also asked they pay the difference in utilities (I've kept records from day one since moving here 4 yrs ago)

 

The finial things were respect and honesty (required for all) and they needed to honor my house rules (no booze parties ect)

 

The choice to come here was theirs and I love having them, but they (DD & Fiancee) are in thier low 30s and they made bad choices in the past because of themselves .. If they ever tried to do the "blame game" and say well Mom was mean 10yrs ago when I was in college I do believe I show them the door and tell them to put on their "Big Girl/Boy panties" and accept reality .. at 18 legally all of my responsibilities to her were done Smiley Happy

 

"Your past is the doorway to your future"

Dad's words of wisdom

Message 13 of 16
Super Contributor

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.


@anonMDA wrote:
I am a 30-year-old adult.

I don't hate my mom and we get along 90% of the time. She is my biggest cheerleader and support person, but like many relationships, we have our issues...
 

I don't want to sound unkind, but this one really is simple, if a little unpleasant.

 

Tell your mother the truth.  Salary, debt, obligations, plans for the future...  OR, take your private information to whatever private place you decide you'd like to pay for.

 

 

Zero percent financing is where the devil lives...



Message 14 of 16
Established Member

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.

You can't have everything. Nothing comes free. You have to sacrifice a little bit. I am a working and an independent woman. Still, my mom asks when will I get my next pay hike.

 

I don't know what's your problem. Your mom is a little control freak. But so is my mom. So? You don't have any problem in disclosing your income to creditors but you have an issue in disclosing it to your mom?

 

Tell your mom that you're an adult now and would like to have little space. See how she reacts. Sometimes, we need to tell a few things to our parents. They forget that we have really grown up.

Hi! This is Stacy. A web enthusiast and a content editor. Looking forward to learn new things and share my knowledge.
Message 15 of 16
Established Member

Re: Should Mom Know Salary? Adult Child Living For Free.

Tell your mom you salary. Maybe you two can sit down and discuss your salary, how you can contribute and possibly come up with a game plan on how you’ll get yourself together in the next 6mo-1yr. Maybe she can help.

Mom I make 20,000
I can give you $200
I’m going to put away $500
I’m going to pay $300/mo on laying down debt. Etc.
Lay it all out there and get everything established between you two so you don’t bump heads down the road.
Message 16 of 16