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THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Super Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Gotcha, thanks.  I agree completely.  If someone is going to pay half the bills but only brings in 1/3 of the income, the other partner (who has greater income) needs to make up for it with things like cooking/cleaning/house work IMO.  Something to offset the financial advantage.

Message 81 of 104
Established Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Was just reading this best of luck! I'm still repairing my crest from my past relationship will be 2 years divorced in August. It's something I would probably never get involved with someone who is careless with finances.for me at 41 I'm too old to star over
Message 82 of 104
Established Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

@Shelores wrote:

 I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I originally moved into this place myself and he immediately started staying over...basically moved in but wouldnt admit it right away and then for the first few months said he didn't want to dip out on his roomate so was still paying rent at his place


That is his problem, not yours. Roomate takes precedence over you. 

. After about 5 months I finally started demanding some kind of money as I am a single mom with two kids, but right off the bat we disagreed on how much to pay. He thought since I had kids he should not pay as much, he only wanted to pay as a room rental at $100 a week, even though I paid for all household item, all food and all hygiene products not to what he offered was barely half the rent.

Where on earth did he see a Motel 6, We'll leave the light on sign hanging off your door. 



After only two month of helping me pay the bills he pushed me to put real estate on hold and get a steady weekly paying job, which I did and agreed to do until the next income tax season when, again I wanted to pursue real estate.



 When I ask he to give me money for his share he says he will buy his own stuff but never does. I don't understand why he insist on living like rooomates but is ok with me being his girlfriend when its covenient.

Free Room Service with perks. 


 He makes excuses that he isn't use to being responsible for a household, he is 35 with no kids and has always rented a room. I explained that I don't feel comfortable moving into another place with him (our lease is up in 3 months) and putting his name with me on a lease if this is his attitude.

 Bingo! Go with what your head tells you.


oh and we are moving into a bigger house because he wants a yard and garage!!! that means larger rent. 


He doesn't contribute enough now, it will be larger rent for you. Please do not go this route. 


 Everytime I try to talk "money" he gets defensive or flips it around and says that I'm just jealous that he makes more money then me.

Passive Agressive 


I have even kicked him out a few times and paid all the bills my self just to prove to him this has nothing to do with me wanting his money.

You didn't need to prove anything, he is manipulating you again to "convince" you with false statements that you NEED him and his money, which in reality, he only NEEDS you to feed him, put a roof over his head for a paltry amount, supply him with essentials. 


 He says he wants the same things in life, I don't doubt it but maybe we just have different ideas how to get there...


As long as it's only your dime. 


Message 83 of 104
Established Member

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

For me we do the following (14yrs togther - Not Married)


1. Seperate bank accounts

2. Seperate investments

3. Split Utilities evenly

4. Mortgage: Paid off. When there was a mortgage I refused to pay because my name not on it. However to offset we do split residential taxes

5. Commercial: Paid off. You had before we met so you pay taxes on it from rent monies

6. Shopping, dinning, trips etc: We pay our own ways.

7. Credit: Pay our own mobile, CC, insurance, loans etc.

8. Both have wills, POA, Medical POA, living revokable trusts etc. just in case something happens to either of us.


HELPFUL BOOK: Why Men Love B****** BY: Sherry Argov. Read this book - then come back and re-read your original post. You will see why I recommended it to you. Its written for women but valuable for men too.

Message 84 of 104
New Member

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Hi everyone, thanks for all the advice and moral support. I have spent the last month trying to communicate with my bf about our finances, he has changes his mind weekly and cant stick to anything we agree to. Bottom line is he isnt gonna be happy with anything ither than paying me a weekly roomate rent of $100-150 like he did when he first moved in. We cant seem to agree on a budget. I spent the last month keeping reciepts and writing down every penny incoming and outgoing for myself....i can account for all my money, he, however, cannot account for a big chunk of money and refusing to let me help him or stick with any budget. I recently recieved a raise at work and am not letting him know, i have been prepared to be a single mother again and have been building my savings and cleaning uo my credit. I have moved on from talking about our future together or trying to fix this relationship and have made it clear that he needs to find a place to move. Now he is challenging me, my name is on everything...literally because i moved in here all by myself however because he has been living here 2+ years, "helps" pay the bills and receives mail at this address I will have to go to court and evict him. Im glad I am seeing this side of him before wasting anymore years and losing anymore money for my future goals. Once this is over I will not be living with anyone for a long time and if I do get them warm fuzzy feelings I will have some kind of contract signed to protect myself. I am a strong person and have always been the ine to inspire my girlfriends to be more independent. Thank you all again for sharing your stories and helping me find the strength to focus on myself and achieveing my dreams.
Message 85 of 104
Valued Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

@Hobbit wrote:

@BrutalBodyShots wrote:

@Hobbit wrote:

Making 1/3 and paying half is ridiculous.  This sounds more like a roomate not a partner.

Who stated that ratio above, I can't find it?


Shelores above posted this :


"I asked all my friends that live with their significant other how they split the bills....most answered by percentage or assigning certain bills to each other. He says he doesn't feel he should be punished for making more money than me so even if i bring home a 1/3 of what he makes I should still be responsible for half.....oh and we are moving into a bigger house because he wants a yard and garage!!! that means larger rent. So im just curious, how do most of you expect to split the bills with your significant other?"




I would move on.  He seems like a selfish person.  

More cards than I can mention in a signature.
Message 86 of 104
New Member

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Youre absolutely right, he is a selfish person...he has shown this throw more ways than just money...and me being a mother of two am the complete opposite. I have tried to communicate with him amd have come up with 3 different options on how to split the bills, he agrees until the time comes for him to pay his share. It's getting exhausting so im now talking to the courts about having him evicted.
Message 87 of 104
Senior Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Regarding Shelores - it does sound like the guy is a selfish person.


Regarding Brutal Bodyshots - it does NOT sound like he is a selfish person.  He stated that he didn't make enough money to pay for the lifestyle the mother of his child wanted.  She worked two PART time jobs.  One with a real paycheck doing something she was/is passionate about.  She worked this PART time and kept every single penny from the job to spend on herself.  Not herself and the child.  Not on the family.  Not on the living expenses.  But on HERSELF.  The other part time job was a HOBBY that she made money on.  She kept every single penny from that job to spend on herself.  Not herself and the child.  Not on the family.  Not on the living expenses.  But on HERSELF.  


Brutal was working FULL time and spending all the money on household expenses, INCLUDING luxuries for the mother of his child.  Where is his splurge?  Why should he be the only one worrying about money, and whether he can pay the electric bill?


His ex was upset because he wouldn't (couldn't) wine and dine her, give her the lifestyle SHE wanted/felt she deserved.


Regarding Shelores - her soon to be ex has said he isn't experienced at living on his own or as head of household.  Ok.  He could learn.  Yet after 3 years, he is still playing the renter with benefits.  He takes and takes and takes.  He doesn't give back.


Relationships are give and take.  When things are or becomes one sided, things go down hill fast.


From the sounds of it, both posters were justified in feeling unsatisfied and making changes.


I've shared some information on my past relationships.  It's not so much about the paycheck as it is about working as a team to reach the common goals.  I've almost always less than my partner, but things were considered balanced because I contributed in other ways (cooking, errands, household work, yard work, etc.)  I've been in the position where I made more than my partner and my partner didn't want to do ANYTHING to contribute.  His paycheck was his to spend however he wanted.  No assistance with cooking, errands, housework, etc.  Yeah, I ended that one.  


We hear half the story here.  Our opinions are based on what we read.  


I apologize now if I am being too sensitive to what was said.  It's been a stressful few weeks.  Month?  So I acknowledge I could be over reacting to what was said about the OP (Brutal).  And no, I don't know Brutal personally.

Message 88 of 104

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Multiple posts have been removed for violating our TOS. As a reminder flaming and nonFSR comments are out of bounds here at myFico. To those of you who are replying within the guidelines I thank you.

gdale6 - myFico Moderator

"If there's a lack of money in your life, understand that feeling worried, envious, jealous, disappointed, discouraged, doubtful or fearful about money can never bring more money to you, because those feelings come from a lack of gratitude for the money you have."

"Reactions are powerful creators because they contain every element needed to manifest—they're a combination of thought, belief, and feeling in action. Positive reactions create more positive things, and negative reactions create more negative things. If you can respond to negative situations calmly and lightly, instead of with emotional turbulence, what happens next in your life will be so much better."

- Rhonda Byrne

Message 89 of 104
Established Contributor

Re: THREE failed relationships due to money... unreal.

Please run as fast as you can from this boy. He wants to play roomie and junk his money up instead of being responsible. He keeps you around for girlfriend time and tax time. It will not get better. I have a friend who did this for 15 years and they had children together. He junk his money up and get her huge tax refund and she struggled to pay bills all year. She left him and she has a new condo, car, and keeps lots of money now.
Message 90 of 104
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