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Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

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Frequent Contributor

Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

During my younger days in dating and some of my past mature relationships, I've always doled out when it came to dinner and dating expenses the usual movie night out, or clubbing or having a few cocktails at the bar. It wasn't because I was showing off or giving an impression of any sort, but was purely on the premise of showing good will to my date. I called you and asked you and you said yes therefore it's on me type of thing. I've been fortunate enough to have not had any real issues with money as I've always held a steady job and managed it well but my CR on paper said otherwise just bad monitoring and management on my part in that dept. So smilingly with my sub par credit card flashed on the table at times, I covered it all back then heheh. There were many occassions my date would of course insist on paying, but I've always declined with a smile.

 

Are you or where you that night and shining armor type when it came to doling it out (I see a future with this one)? The "dutch" type let's split it all? The cheapskate type ahem...I'm really sorry but I forgot my wallet at home?








"Give me liberty, or give me credit!" -PlasticDad


Message 1 of 9
8 REPLIES 8
Community Leader
Valued Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

It's funny I read this tonight. My DH and I were just talking about how diffrent we are now.

 

We started dating when I was 14 he was 16 yes that's not a typo , we were off and on until we hit early twenties. We had a baby and down the road got married .

 

When we were dating I must say he was one cheap person, we hardly went out and when we did not even remotely would it be fancy and I swear when we were teenagers dating he would pick a fight with me before every holiday, christmas, valentines day , birthday LOL. Of course we were young but it's funny now because he would buy the moon if he could and I am now the "cheap one"

 

I guess even though I dated a cheap skate as we were teens, he turned out to be an awesome hubby to meSmiley Happy

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Message 2 of 9
Senior Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

Okay, I'm going to get in deep dodo if the DW sees this, but I'll post it away since she has no interest in this forum. Back when I first met my bride (when dinosaurs still roamed the earth) she was all of 89 pounds dripping wet, I, on the other hand, was older and yes I weighed more than her but less than today Smiley Frustrated. That said I was not that young and nieve, just not that bright, and always ALWAYS paid for dinner, drinks, dates, etc.

 

I think I had two credit cards with maybe $2-3k credit limits, but really did not have that many expenses being long-term employed and no kids or mortgage, just a car payment. Anyway, we were going out 2-3-4 times a week and I got to a point that my 2 cards were pretty much maxed out, as was my short-term cash flow. Our next "date night" was coming up and my future wife said "where are we going so I'll know how to dress" and I said, "Well, I think it's better if you don't go out for the next month or so". When she asked why? I said I'd rather not say, but she insisted so I said: "I don't know how to say this, but all this eating and drinking out seems to be taking a toll". I meant on my credit cards, but she said: "am I putting on weight?" (light goes on Smiley Surprised) well, I didn't want to say anything, but.....(coy smile).    

 

We didn't go "out" for 3-4 weeks, I paid off/down the cards and she married me - I "shared" that story with her several years later and we are still married.

 

So, I guess the moral of this tale is one has to manage ones' life experiences - including credit - using whatever tools are available looking long-term because the short joys and bumps really don't matter, ego aside.   

Message 3 of 9
Valued Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

OP - I've been in your shoes. Whenever I went out, I'd insist on paying, always did or made the effort too. There were a handful of times where whoever the other person was, would refuse to let me pay and take the tab away to pay. Sometimes it would work, most of the time, I didn't allow it. I usually try to eat at affordable places as to where I didn't have a sticker shock. I did learn that's not always easy to do as I have spent over $400 on dinner for two before (This is in NYC). But in hindsight, I would do it again without changing a thing as I learned to manage my finances and be smart (most of the time). It's part of life lessons as you grow older (and hopefully smarter).


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Message 4 of 9
Frequent Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

I used to be that way and probably would still be today if I was in the dating scene.

 

But when I was living that life I was cash only, no credit.  So, I only lived as large as my paycheck allowed.




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Message 5 of 9
Valued Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?


@PlasticDad wrote:

During my younger days in dating and some of my past mature relationships, I've always doled out when it came to dinner and dating expenses the usual movie night out, or clubbing or having a few cocktails at the bar. It wasn't because I was showing off or giving an impression of any sort, but was purely on the premise of showing good will to my date. I called you and asked you and you said yes therefore it's on me type of thing. I've been fortunate enough to have not had any real issues with money as I've always held a steady job and managed it well but my CR on paper said otherwise just bad monitoring and management on my part in that dept. So smilingly with my sub par credit card flashed on the table at times, I covered it all back then heheh. There were many occassions my date would of course insist on paying, but I've always declined with a smile.

 

Are you or where you that night and shining armor type when it came to doling it out (I see a future with this one)? The "dutch" type let's split it all? The cheapskate type ahem...I'm really sorry but I forgot my wallet at home?


I was always willing to pay, and still am when I go out to dinner with the wife. We never go dutch, though sometimes we'll go dutch with friends. Even then, one of us picks up both of our shares. The rest of the time we take turns, with one of us getting dinner one time and the other of us getting the next dinner, or movie tickets, or whatever else happened to come along next.

 

I found most women had no qualms letting me pick up the tab on the first date, but by date 3 or so they wanted to pay at least once to show they weren't helpless mooches. I respect that.

Message 6 of 9
Established Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

I was paying for everything while dating my DW. However, she would treat me as well to let me know she was i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t. We are still married and I would say, dont go out of your way to impress. If the person digs you just spending time will do. 

 

Message 7 of 9
Frequent Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?

Much like the OP, I feel the best way to get your point across of doing well in life is to pick up the tab if you offered the date. However, if your funds don't allow for chivalry, stick to meet me at the bar tricks. I learned this during my apprenticeship (1 year tattooing fruit with only tipouts from the senior tattooist, they don't tip).

 

Anyway, if you have the funds, enjoy your life, and pick up the tab for dates you offer. If not, tell her to meet you somewhere, and she'll surely have funds to cover herself. Its been 6 years since i've met my current gf, and we met at the bar the first year or two. I expressed to her that I don't go out buying girls drinks unless we're together. So she submitted her gf application and got approved for 200lbs of meat, with rewards

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Message 8 of 9
Senior Contributor

Re: Wine em', Dine em' and Charge em'?


@iced wrote:

@PlasticDad wrote:

During my younger days in dating and some of my past mature relationships, I've always doled out when it came to dinner and dating expenses the usual movie night out, or clubbing or having a few cocktails at the bar. It wasn't because I was showing off or giving an impression of any sort, but was purely on the premise of showing good will to my date. I called you and asked you and you said yes therefore it's on me type of thing. I've been fortunate enough to have not had any real issues with money as I've always held a steady job and managed it well but my CR on paper said otherwise just bad monitoring and management on my part in that dept. So smilingly with my sub par credit card flashed on the table at times, I covered it all back then heheh. There were many occassions my date would of course insist on paying, but I've always declined with a smile.

 

Are you or where you that night and shining armor type when it came to doling it out (I see a future with this one)? The "dutch" type let's split it all? The cheapskate type ahem...I'm really sorry but I forgot my wallet at home?


I was always willing to pay, and still am when I go out to dinner with the wife. We never go dutch, though sometimes we'll go dutch with friends. Even then, one of us picks up both of our shares. The rest of the time we take turns, with one of us getting dinner one time and the other of us getting the next dinner, or movie tickets, or whatever else happened to come along next.

 

I found most women had no qualms letting me pick up the tab on the first date, but by date 3 or so they wanted to pay at least once to show they weren't helpless mooches. I respect that.


^ I agree with this. Always pay on the 1st date. However, if a relationship develops and your date asks to pay half down the road, show some respect and allow the bill to be split from time to time.

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Message 9 of 9