I don't know what to do

[LouMinotti]

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@MattH wrote:

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@LouMinotti wrote:
...It means that I have to go with my son to Boston to help him choose an apartment next week-end, this will cause me problems with my work, but the result will be my son learning to become independent, that it will be okay.

Be strong, be firm, and stay in control, it's going to be fine.

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My parents have never played any role in the selection of my residences since I finished my undergraduate degree, nor did I play any role in their choice of where to retire.

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My son just turned 18 and going into his freshman year at Berklee. He has to find an apartment off campus. He has spent exactly two hours of his life in Boston previously, the audition for the college. But Bully for you for finding a place on your own at 22!

[MattH]

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@LouMinotti wrote:

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@MattH wrote:

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@LouMinotti wrote:
...It means that I have to go with my son to Boston to help him choose an apartment next week-end, this will cause me problems with my work, but the result will be my son learning to become independent, that it will be okay.

Be strong, be firm, and stay in control, it's going to be fine.

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My parents have never played any role in the selection of my residences since I finished my undergraduate degree, nor did I play any role in their choice of where to retire.

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My son just turned 18 and going into his freshman year at Berklee. He has to find an apartment off campus. He has spent exactly two hours of his life in Boston previously, the audition for the college. But Bully for you for finding a place on your own at 22!

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When I was 22 I was on a corporate training program and was moved across the country multiple times; since I knew going in there would be frequent moves I rented furniture and paid extra rent for six-month leases in various cities (of which the most interesting was New Orleans). When my father was 22 he had experienced an impoverished Depression childhood followed by the Pacific Theater of World War Two, so life required him to grow up very quickly and some of the world view he got from that rubbed off on me. These days I am VERY glad I inherited his cautious attitude towards money, so unlike lots of people I am NOT up to my eyeballs in debt at a time when the economy is going from bad to worse!

[Anonymous]

Thanks Wondering,

I somehow missed seeing your reply.  She's always been "untidy" and I can basically ignore a little clutter until it gets out of hand.  My post last night about her apologizing wasn't the end, of course. 

She goes to work at 10:30pm and last night she was IM'ing me from her phone.  She said that her husband's reckless spending has gone out of control.  They had over $25k saved for a house and they are down to $17k.  If she says anything to him about it he gets angry and threatens to "spend it all."  Really... and he's not doing that anyway?  She said they won't have enough to even put 10% down, closing costs, and everything else it's going to take to get a house and she doesn't want to buy one under these circumstances anyway.  She couldn't trust him to make the payments and I agreed, especially if he is going to Washington.  He just might take the attitude that HE isn't living there so why should he pay it and it will just give him another thing to hold over her head like he does their savings.  That would really ruin her credit, which is the least of her worries.

I want to smack him upside the head!

She said again that she doesn't want to be with him, she can't get through to him or deal with his games, irresponsibility and manipulation.  I said if that's her decision then tell him to leave.  Let go of the money, is it really worth what she's going through?  He will be paying child support and housing and if he doesn't his Commanding Officer will take care of that.

He WILL be getting his things out of my house/garage, one way or another.  If she's going to stay here things WILL change too.  She has a night job, receives $1k per month SS from the death of her daughter's father, and with child support and housing or whatever she could afford a small apartment if she doesn't think she can live with my rules.

[LouMinotti]

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@MattH wrote:

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@LouMinotti wrote:

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MattH wrote:When I was 22 I was on a corporate training program and was moved across the country multiple times; since I knew going in there would be frequent moves I rented furniture and paid extra rent for six-month leases in various cities (of which the most interesting was New Orleans). When my father was 22 he had experienced an impoverished Depression childhood followed by the Pacific Theater of World War Two, so life required him to grow up very quickly and some of the world view he got from that rubbed off on me. These days I am VERY glad I inherited his cautious attitude towards money, so unlike lots of people I am NOT up to my eyeballs in debt at a time when the economy is going from bad to worse!

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My father abandoned me when I was 2. . .I was kicked out by my mom when I was 16. I have been on my own ever since...you're so blessed to have parents to raise you and teach you important lessons so that you no doubt pass them on to your children!

[demi]

Lou-

In reading your posts on this thread and others...you sound like a wonderful parent.  I think your kids are lucky to have you !