Is WoW worth trying to shoot your wife AND go to jail over?

[Anonymous]

I'm hanging in there for the time being. He finally had someone bond him out. I was told they are felony charges so I don't think they will allow him to remain in the military. That's a shame, 13 years of service gone because of booze and lousy judgement.

I refuse to go and lie about what happened. He has ALWAYS gotten away with everything. He swears he will never drink again, etc. Yeah, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one, I would be so rich, I wouldn't worry about my FICO's that's for sure.

None of his family will let him stay with them either and I don't care where he is, so long as it is far away from me. I have all the weapon's stashed and I have his key's and wallet still. I don't think he would be stupid enough to try to break in or get the landlord to let him in. She said she would have him arrested if he was caught on the property after the police in residence here explained more to her the situation.

It may be tight to swing the bills, but I've supported my daughter's on my own before without anyone's help, so, I can do it this time. Time to cut back though.

After my grandmother passed away this past March, my daughter and I inherited her home, car and other assets. The estate has still not been probated, but it should be getting close. I do need to follow up with her attorney. This will be a tremendous help to us, as sad as it is to have come by.

Thanks everyone again for being here for support. I have my friend in Florida, but at times it bother's me since he is a man and it almost feels like cheating. My best friend from high school past away from breast cancer in March. A year ago I lost another girlfriend to a drunk driver.  I don't have many friends at all left. I pretty much keep to myself now, DD and DI.

I will continue to take this one day at a time, since it is really all I can do for the moment. I just want to know why I attract all the idiots?? Geesh! Where are the good guys at?

[Phoenix-rising]

Stef, I'm so glad you checked in.  I hope for your sake he has the sense to stay away, but these guys can be stubborn.  They generally feel like the rules apply to everyone else but them.

I have a friend who's in a very similar situation.  Unfortunately she hasn't been able to stand up for herself and her children and she keeps letting her abusive alcoholic husband back in her life.  He's pulled a gun on her too and two weeks ago she came home to find him passed out drunk on their living room floor.  There was a noose and ladder in the garage and after they rushed him to the emergency room, he was forced into rehab.  It doesn't seem to be doing any good though.

I know what it's like not to have a lot of real life friends around.  When I was with my ex-H we lived in a 3rd world country for 16 years and I had very few friends.  An internet support group was my savior.  They gave my the courage to leave him and return back home (Louisiana), and I knew I'd be OK even though I had to start over again with nothing.  There are a lot of wonderful people online.

Your friend in Florida doesn't sound like a great idea.  Right now IMHO the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughters is to recover and heal from this mess.  The trauma from living in this type of situation is incredibly difficult for children. 

I have all the faith in the world that you can stand on your own two feet.  It's an incredible feeling to know that you can thrive on your own.

Good luck stef.

[Anonymous]

Stef,

I am so sorry to hear what your going through. 

I can speak as a child of an abuser.  My dad used to abuse my mom, never us kids.  He was an alcoholic.   This relationship ofcourse had a big impact on my own relationships as I grew up.  

It will not get better.  Please get out of this situation and meet with you attorney. 

 Yes, ofcourse I was sad when my parents divorced even after everything we went through but I also new it had to be done.  I don't know how my mother stayed in that situation as long as she did.  

You must take care of you and your daughter.  You obviously are a very strong person.  My prayers are with you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Stef,

I am also in Louisiana & live in a subdivision that may be an option for you & your children ~ and maybe even his, too, if they would want to be with you.  His aunt & uncle must be getting a bit older & may be finding it more difficult to care for the boys.

As the child of TWO alcoholics (divorced when I was a toddler), with a mother who was in & out of relationships with abusive drunks my entire life ~ I can attest to what the abuse is doing to your girls!  One of my mom's men routinely physically abused her and, on a couple of occasions, turned on me.  My mom swore she wouldn't let anybody hurt me like that, however, she continued to invite these guys into our lives. 

Having grown up watching my mom operate with a total lack of self-respect and respect for my needs in certain areas (like safety & security) really caused me a LOT of problems, honey.  I had no idea how to respect myself or expect others to treat me with respect and have allowed a lot of mistreatment as a result.  It has taken my entire 12-year marriage for us to reach a point of really starting to treat one another with respect, as he also grew up watching his mother allow herself to be abused. (She earned more money than the BF who always got away with abusing her b/c he was the mayor of the small town they lived in & she had every opportunity to leave but always had an excuse why she "couldn't"). 

We both grew up having NO CLUE what a functional, mutually respectful relationship even looked like.

Please know I am not standing in judgment of you!!!  It is heartbreaking that you've become so broken that it's overwhelming to fight it all!!!

Your daughters could very well find themselves in your situation in the future and put up with it because that's what they know...PLEASE ask yourself what your advice would be to them, if their husbands pointed a gun at their heads & pulled the trigger ~ and then PLLEEEEASE heed your own words of wisdom!!!

If you'd like, I can email you a rental application.

Please PM me.  I would be more than happy to stand in the gap for the family & friends you have lost.  We can all use more TRUE friends!

Blessings to you & your girls!